


Color in your cheeks

by ArbuscularMycorrhizal



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Caleb Widogast's Backstory, Dissociation, F/F, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, eventually, like the slowest of burns, medical anxiety, they all need to figure some shit out first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2019-11-24 10:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 55,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18164294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArbuscularMycorrhizal/pseuds/ArbuscularMycorrhizal
Summary: Healing is never linear but it is healing just the same. And Caleb Widogast is getting better whether he wants to or not.A College AU about growing as people and figuring shit out, without a whole lot of actual college.Because sometimes when you're not fighting for your lives in a mineshaft full of gnolls it takes a little longer to come together as a family.





	1. We haven't slept in weeks

Mollymauk fumbled blearily after his phone, desperate to end the annoyingly cheerful chimes emanating from it. It was way too early for the alarm to be going off. He winced at the bright screen. He squinted at the caller ID, barely making out a blue grinning blur before hitting answer.

“Molly! My dearest friend! My bestest friend,” Jester’s voice was painfully loud even through the tininess of the phone.

“I’m guessing you’re calling for an actual reason. Not just because you wanted to wake me up-“ Molly pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment to check the time “three hours early.”

“I need a favor,”

Her tone woke Molly up a little. Usually it was all just fun and games with Jester. It was always just fun and games, that’s why Molly actually liked her. Never any side glances of distrust or pity. No asking how he _really_ was or what he was doing with his life. Just fun. But not right now. Right now, he could hear how thin all the cheeriness was in her voice. The thinnest armor to hide the worry.

He sat up. “What type of favor?”

“My friend needs a ride. It is an emergency” Jester was prone to hyperbole, but this was about as serious has Molly had ever heard her.

“A ride? Is everything okay?” He got out of bed and reached for yesterday’s clothes lying on the floor. The shirt failed the sniff test, so did the pants. A pair of Yasha’s sweats had somehow made it into his room. He pulled those on and dug through a drawer for a cleaner shirt. He needed to do laundry.

“Nobody’s hurt or anything,”

Molly could hear a high voice exclaim something in the background before Jester interrupted it. “And if they were I could take care of it.”  

He was sure that last part wasn’t directed at him. He began searching for his sandals, not wanting to deal with his usual boots at the moment, as Jester continued her explanation.

“I would do it myself, but the Lollipop is still in the shop until Friday and you’re my only friend who has a car.”

“You need better friends,” Molly pulled on his jacket and patted the pockets for the keys.

Jester blew a raspberry into the phone and he was relieved to hear a smile.

“I think you mean I need _more_ friends.”

“Sure I do. You’re at the Barn yeah?” Locking the front door behind him, Molly made his way down the apartment steps towards his old beat up Chevy Caprice parked on the street.

“Yes! We are around the back by the loading docks. Thank you so much Molly, I really owe you one.”

“Yeah yeah, I’ll see you in fifteen” He jiggled the keys in the lock and opened the door with a loud squeal.

“Okay! Thank you! Drive safe!”

Molly ended the call and sat behind the wheel for a brief moment. He was exhausted. Jester’s energy had gotten him dressed and out of the apartment in record time. But now that her voice was absent he could feel the weight of not enough sleep settling deep behind his eyes. He sighed and started the car. Jester had sounded worried.

 

By the time he pulled into the parking lot of the Broad Barn General Store the sky had darkened. Wind picking up and rain beginning to gently spatter against his windshield. The trees planted along the parking lot’s border had lost their charming fall colors and were fast shifting to barren. It was mostly empty, being late morning on a weekday. As Molly slowly rolled through it felt almost desolate. The weather casting a dark mood over every inch of the place.

Rounding the back of the building he finally spotted Jester sitting on the concrete steps that led up to an employee entrance.  She was in her usual get up, frilly dress and still wearing the store apron and a raincoat that was far too dull to be hers thrown over all of it. Next to her appeared to be a halfling? Probably. It was hard to tell; the creature was wearing baggy gray sweats and a dark green rain coat that was so large the sleeves had been cuffed several times and yet they still covered the hands. The hood was up, and their face seemed to be half covered by a surgical mask.

Well, this was probably going to get weird.

Jester waved as he pulled up and made a ‘come over here gesture’ with one hand. The other hand had disappeared into the halfling’s sleeve. She was smiling but it was more a mask than anything genuine. Molly cut the engine and squeaked open the door. The wind buffeted him as he made his way over, blowing his hair into his eyes.

As he approached, it was hard to miss the halfling shrinking back and shifting closer to Jester. They turned and whispered something into Jester’s ear. Who in turn put on a serious pout and shook her head.

“No, no, no. This is Mollymauk! He is my very good friend, I would trust him with my life.” Jester sounded so emphatic Molly couldn’t help but grin a little.

“I hope it’s not as serious as all that. I’m not sure I’d want your life Jester,” Molly crouched down so he was more on their eye level. The halfling was practically leaning into Jester. Closer up it was easy to see the tattered edges and worn patches of the little one’s clothing. Someone had inexpertly tried to hem the edge of the coat and their shoes were obviously a few sizes too big as well.

“Now what’s this about someone needing a ride?” He kept his voice as soft as he could over the sound of the wind.

The creature jerked their head towards Molly and he found himself looking into two very fierce yellow eyes. Nope, not a halfling then.

“I have to get to Caleb” the goblin’s voice was shrill “He- I need to-“. Her brief outburst petered off as she made eye contact with Molly, a stranger.

Jester broke in to explain more clearly.

“This is Nott. She needs to get to the TCC. Her friend, he is having a-“ Jester searched for the words for a moment. “Personal crisis.”

Molly raised an eyebrow.

“Is he okay? Any danger?” From himself or otherwise? Jester seemed to catch his meaning and gave her head a tiny shake. Beside her Nott was shifting from foot to foot in a nervous dance, the goblin’s eyes seemed to the only steady thing about her. They bore into Molly with an intensity that did not match her small form.

“He’s not okay and he won’t be okay til I get to him.” She stopped shifting seeming to make up her mind. “Can you take me there?”

Molly tried not to smile at how serious Nott was. Even with what little face was showing behind the hood and the mask the determination was clear.

“As a favor to my dear friend Jester that won’t be a problem” Molly threw in a wink for the hell of it. “Shall we go get your Caleb then?”

Nott nodded vigorously and reached down to pull on a backpack that had been hidden behind her and Jester. It was a dark blue, zipped up only partially to allow for the huge bag of cat food that had been crammed in. The whole thing looked like it weighed as much as her. Jester looked like she was resisting the urge to help but instead rushed up the stairs to where two bags of groceries were stashed in the lee of the building.

“We can’t forget these!” She dashed back down and began shepherding Nott to the passenger door “You can sit up front, that way you can give directions to Molly easier”.

As Nott clambered into the front Jester made her way back around the car, putting the groceries in the footwell behind the driver’s seat and slammed the door. She glanced through the window at Nott who was already texting furiously on an old flip phone. She put a blue hand on Molly’s shoulder to stop him from immediately climbing in the car.

“Will you text me when you get them home okay?” All cheerfulness had gone from her face leaving behind only worry. Molly pulled her into a brief side hug.

“Of course, and I’ll call later yeah?”

Jester squeezed back and nodded before letting Molly go to slide in to the car. She shut the door for him and took a few steps back. Molly glanced over as he started the engine. The smile was back, and she waved cheerily at the car as it slowly pulled away.

Nott’s phone had disappeared in a flash the moment Molly had entered the car. She craned around in her seat, watching Jester until the blue tiefling was out of sight completely. The little goblin settled back in her seat and clutched the cat food backpack to her chest.  Molly watched her from the corner of his eye.

“So, we need to get to the college” Molly filled in the silence.

“Yes” Nott’s willingness to talk had seemingly been left behind with Jester.

“Anywhere more specific?” Molly pulled on to the main street and started up the hill towards the school.

“The library” The reply was muffled as Nott hugged the backpack closer.

“Is your Caleb a student then?” Molly kept his tone as airy as possible.

“No, just works there” Nott seemed determined to keep the silence.

Molly let it be. He could feel the chilling anxiety pouring off of Nott. She was tapping out a rapid drum beat with her claws on one hand against the other. Her eyes darted from the window to Molly to her hands and back to Molly. It seemed like it would be inappropriate to turn on the radio. Any music or talk show would grate against the nervous energy that had built up like static. So Molly let it be.

Finally, nearly ten minutes later, as they turned on to College Way Nott spoke up

“A left here and another at the stop sign.”

Molly appreciated the directions because to be perfectly honest he an only been to the campus a couple of times and never to the library in particular.

“Right and then all the way to the end of the parking lot.”

This parking lot was decently full given the weekday and time of morning, but Molly lucked out with a parking space close to the Library doors. He had barely pulled in by the time Nott had unbuckled and slipped out of the car.

“Thank you for the ride. You can leave now. Good bye” It would have almost been polite if she hadn’t immediately slammed the door and took off running towards the library. Her backpack bouncing up and down. The hood of her raincoat pulled all the way up.

Molly sat, blinking at the abrupt departure. Well, that was that then. Good deed done for the day. An awkward car ride for a favor and now he could go back to bed. Nott could apparently handle whatever meltdown her boy was having without any help. Molly wouldn’t have even got out of bed if it hadn’t been Jester. Never do anything for free, this was beyond the call of duty. Nott and her friend were complete strangers. He had no ties here.

There was a crack and rumble of thunder and the drizzling rain turned into a downpour. There were still two bags of groceries in the back seat. He had promised Jester to see them home.

Molly turned off the engine and braved the rain.

He jogged to the entrance and pulled the door open. Pausing briefly to shake the water out of his eyes, he glanced around for any flash of green. There. Far in the back, darting around one of the last rows of shelves. Molly followed at a pace a tad too fast to be considered casual, glancing off to the side to avoid eye contact with the receptionist at the front desk. He made past the last shelf just in time to see Nott whip something that was definitely not a key from the door to what looked like a utility room.  She glanced over noticing him and narrowed her eyes.

“You don’t have to keep interfering” She hissed in a whisper. The closer they got to her Caleb the higher her figurative hackles seemed to raise.

“Unfortunately I do. I promised Jester I’d get you two home safe.” Molly was a stranger.

“We’re fine. We’ll get the bus” What little of her face he could see shone with distrust. Molly opened his arms wide in a non-threatening manner.

“In this weather? Besides, your groceries are still in the car”

She seemed to be calculating her options. One hand on the door knob.

“Why are you doing this?” She asked

“As a favor to Jester so she will owe me a favor” Molly answered. Mostly true.

She made a decision. “Fine, if you have the time to waste. This is going to take as long as it needs to,”

And with that she opened the door a crack and slipped through. Leaving it just slightly open behind her. Molly approached carefully, deciding the open door was less of an invitation and more of light source. The room beyond wasn’t huge. The light spilled onto shelves of old reference manuals and other miscellaneous office supplies that had been shoved in here and forgotten. It smelled weirdly of burnt plastic and some sort of medicinal herb he couldn’t place mixed with printer ink and old dusty cardboard. Even with his excellent dark vision it was difficult to see in to the opposite corners. Jumbled stacks of cardboard file boxes and defunct fax machines hid any detail from Molly. He could see Nott creeping towards the far corner. She glanced back, noticing him standing in the doorway. She made a shushing sound and gestured for him to move aside. Oh right, looming in the doorway and blocking all the light probably wasn’t helpful. Molly sat down against one of the bookshelves either side of the door and listened.

He could hear her voice soft in the dark.

“Caleb?” There was no response. “It’s me,”

Nothing.

“I’m going come a little closer okay?”

Still nothing. The sound of Nott shuffling further in, shifting a box out of the way. And then a

quiet, panicked intake of breath.

“It’s me. I’m here now” Nott’s voice was low and comforting. “Budge over a bit so I can sit next to you”

There was a rustle and a shift as Nott settled in. She started to murmur again, almost too quiet to hear. About inconsequential things, her day and the weather and her collection and about someone or thing called Frumpkin. Molly listened to all of it at the door, pretending to read a book he had picked off the shelf at random. It was nearly twenty minutes before he heard a sound that didn’t come from Nott. Another ten before he heard anything like words.

Nott’s voice carried well “Caleb? Are you back with me?” A murmur too low for Molly to make out. “I need you to speak Common Caleb, I can’t understand you.”

Another murmur.

“Still at the library” A pause as she listened “No, a friend of Jester’s gave me a ride,”

Another pause.

“Still here I think, said he’d give us a ride back” Waiting for a response “I don’t know either. But I do know I’d like to get home.”

There was a quiet pat of little feet and a slight creek as the door opened. Sitting up straight Molly was just about on eye level with the goblin.

“You stayed,” Her voice made it seem like somewhere between a question and an accusation.

“I promised.” He closed the book with a quiet snap. “Are you two ready to go then?”

Nott nodded and slipped back into the darkness for a moment. Molly got up and stretched, arching his hands over his head as he listened in to the one-sided conversation from Nott. Her words of encouragement were interrupted as her friend must have stumbled over a box. Molly nudged the door open a bit to shed a little more light on the room.

He had half expected another goblin.

Instead he met the gaze of two very blue eyes. Hollow with exhaustion and emotion, they looked at each for a fraction of a second before the man averted his eyes, looking at the floor. He was scrawny, his faded sweater and baggy jeans almost swallowing him up. Reddish hair that might have started its day in a ponytail now hung limp around a pained face. At Caleb’s side Nott was holding his sleeve. She was looking up at him and for a moment Molly could see the worry fade into fondness. Just for a moment, and then she was looking at Molly and calculating.

“I need to get his things. Can you wait here?” She still had a death grip on his sleeve.

“We could start towards the car if you’d like,” Molly offered. She contemplated this, clearly not wanting to leave her friend with a stranger. The need to hurry won out and she nodded.

Shrugging off the cat food backpack she handed it to Molly. “Hold this for me.”

She gave Caleb’s sleeve a soft tug, her voice was painfully gentle “I’ll be right back. Just follow Mollymauk.”

Giving the both of them one more glance over she darted off between the shelves. Leaving Molly alone with her charge. He shouldered the backpack.

“Well, shall we?” Molly gestured to the aisle in front of them.

For a moment there was no response before Caleb shook his head as if to clear it. He looked up at Molly again for the briefest of moments before his eyes returned to the floor.

“Ja”. The single word was a rough croak, but it was enough for Molly to work with. He glanced down, thinking of taking the man’s hand. But the sight of Caleb’s fists, loosely clenched and shaking, changed his mind. Instead he mimicked Nott and took a hold of the baggy sweater. This close he could smell sweat and smoke mixed with an unfamiliar incense. He could see dark circles under the eyes, red and puffy from crying.

“This okay?” A small nod, okay.

The pair of them skirted the area of open tables and the reception desk. Molly gently pulling Caleb along by the sleeve. Hiding among the shelves for as long as possible to avoid attention. Nott had said Caleb worked here, it probably wasn’t a good idea to be see leaving midmorning without out the intention of returning. Best to avoid coworkers altogether.

They made it outside into the wind and rain without incident. By the time they were almost to the car Nott had come pelting back. Arms full of bundled coat and a satchel stuffed full of books and papers bouncing around her ankles.

“Here, here” She offered the coat up to Caleb whose slow response prompted Molly to take up the coat and drape it over the man’s shoulders. It was long and brown and tattered, but Caleb clutched it like a lifeline.  It seemed to be more than just protection against the elements.

“Alright then, let’s get you two home.” He unlocked the car allowing Nott to guide Caleb into the back seat and then climb back into the front. Molly dumped the cat food backpack on the seat by the other groceries before sliding behind the wheel. Starting the engine, he took a moment to turn the heater and defroster on full blast. Next to him Nott was twisting around to peer into the back seat.

“Seatbelt, Caleb” She admonished before hissing quietly in distress. Molly glanced in the rearview to see what had upset her. He could see as Caleb fumbled with the seatbelt. The man’s nails were bitten, the fingers not wrapped in fraying band aids were all torn up and bloody. They were oddly blackened too, either by ink or soot or something else. He didn’t seem to notice Nott’s reaction or Molly’s stare, he just slowly pulled the belt across himself with an exhaustion that seemed to have settled into his bones long ago. Molly grimaced and said nothing.

Backing out of the parking spot and he retraced his way off campus. At the exit Nott indicated he should turn left and continue down the hill. The drove in silence for a few minutes. Listening only to the woosh of passing cars and the putter of the engine. Looking back through the mirror Molly saw Caleb leaning against the window, eyes shut tight and brow furrowed. It was Nott who broke the quiet spell.

“Mind if I put the radio on?” She asked. Molly could have sagged with relief. The first ride had been full of nervous energy. This just felt deadening and oppressive.

“Be my guest.”

She fwipped through the stations for a while, not finding whatever she was hoping to find. Molly didn’t miss the flinch and grimace as she landed on the garish voices of an Empire sanctioned talk show. She finally settled on some quiet instrumental music. It wouldn’t be Molly’s first choice, but it did seem at least safe.

Nott’s occasional directions lead them weaving into the seedier part of town that was left behind when the factory serving as a major source of income to much of the community had been shut down. It’s support from the Empire drying up in the peace times and it’s boarded up husk too ancient to be considered useful ever again. Molly had learned this history from the ones the factory had left behind, too old or worn to find more work, without enough funds to move to greener pastures. Specifically, Molly had learned this in a number of the small bars that dotted the run-down area. Bars that you went to in order to get drunk and leave more miserable than when you came in. Molly was the occasional patron.

“This building here, you can park around back,” She was pointing to a tiny rundown apartment building. Its gray paint was peeling and one of the barred ground floor windows had been boarded up with plywood.  Turning off the street and into the alleyway adjacent to the apartment, Molly inched past an overflowing dumpster and turned off the car. They all sat for a few seconds in what felt like absolute silence created by the absence of radio and engine. And then Nott was unbuckling and slipping out of the car; and so was Molly, because no matter how strong that little goblin was there was no way she could juggle all her groceries and her friend inside.

Molly saw to the groceries and backpack as Nott coaxed Caleb out of the car. The man’s movements had grown more sluggish during the car ride. It was like he was swimming in a daze, cast adrift and unable to find his way back into himself. As he stood, Molly could see the white knuckled grip on the car door, an attempt to stay grounded. Nott let out an alarmed chirp as Caleb swayed dangerously to one side. Skirting the car quickly, Molly made it just in time to keep him from falling completely to the ground. Nott was on Caleb’s other side trying to act as a balance.

“Here, Nott, take these,” Molly offered the groceries. “Let’s get him in out of this weather, okay?”

She hefted a bag on to each shoulder with Caleb’s satchel over her back. She met Molly’s gaze.

“Okay.”

They made their way up the rickety stairs like a slow awkward octopus. Molly gripped the hand rail with one hand, practically giving Caleb a side hug to keep the man from falling backwards. The other hand held Caleb’s arm draped over Molly’s shoulders. Letting the tiefling half steer/half carry his charge up to the second floor. Nott lead the way a few steps ahead of them. At the top of the landing she set one of the grocery bags down to rummage through her pockets for the keys. As they stood behind her, Molly shifted slightly trying to get a better grip. Caleb shifted too, head now resting on Molly’s shoulder. Molly was trying very hard to keep still. Nott let out a soft “Ha!” of victory as she pulled out a set of keys. She practically had to stand on tip toe to reach the deadbolt, but her movements quick and practiced. She picked up her groceries and pushed open the door. She disappeared into the gloom of the apartment. Pausing only slightly, Molly followed.

The ceilings were low, and whatever light would have gotten in from the small window opposite the door, was blocked up a sheet that had been tacked up. The same smell of incense that lingered on Caleb hung thick on the air mingling with the smell of damp and mold. The walls were close, and Molly could feel a tinge of unease creep across his face and throat. He had to remind himself that they were on the second floor, not underground in some cave or other tight space. The front door had opened into what had to be the kitchen area. He could see a stack of dishes in the sink on one side and a tiny two burner stove top on the other. The refrigerator was old and garishly out of place. It was making a constant unhealthy chugging sound. On both sides, the limited counter space was taken up by a handful of battered cardboard boxes. Some open and half empty, others still taped shut.

Nott slid the bags of groceries up onto a clear space on the counter. She hopped slightly to reach the light switch and flipped it on. The lightbulb flickered for a moment before shining out dimly. It revealed a cramped living room. A few more boxes lay among numerous papers and books that were just scattered about on the floor. Some looked like cheap paperbacks you could get in the grocery store. But others were thick academic looking tomes. Most of them seemed to be bookmarked with many slips of paper.  

Nott scooted around the pair to shut the door and block out the wind and rain. She took Caleb’s sleeve again, and with Molly’s help, led him to a battered couch. “Here, let’s get you sitting down.” The couch squeaked as they set him down. The man was rung out, with no energy or emotions left to share. It allowed the other two manhandle him into a somewhat comfortable position. Nott pulled off his boots before disappearing into what seemed to be a bedroom. Molly craned his head around under the pretense of stretching out a kink in his neck; trying to get a better look. More books, another box, and an unmade bed without a frame. Nott gathered up some blankets and the bed’s lone pillow before returning to do her best to tuck Caleb in. Molly let her do her thing, having already physically intruded into Caleb’s personal space enough. Apparently satisfied, she gave Caleb’s hand a pat, it was clenching the fabric of the blanket.

“I’ll be in the kitchen. Give a croak if you need anything.” With that she retreated, indicating that Molly should follow.

“Not to pry but wouldn’t he do a bit better laying down in a bed?” Molly asked quietly.

She shook her head.

“I told him I’d never break into his room and I don’t want him to lock the door. Besides, it’s easier to keep an eye on each other like this.” She stood for a moment fidgeting with the buttons of her rain coat she had yet to take off. “Thanks for all your help”

Her gratitude was gentle. Her eyes fixed on Molly’s feet. He got the distinct impression that help was an unfamiliar gift for this little goblin.

“Of course, any friend of Jester’s is a friend of mine.” Not true in most cases but Molly was making an exception here. “And I know that if you need _her_ _help_ all you have to do is give her a call.”

Nott shifted with something akin to guilt “Idon’tthinkIhavehernumber.”

Molly raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You’ve known Jester for more than a week and she’s never texted you?”

The guilt appeared to deepen “I didn’t know her that well when she asked for my number, so I gave her a fake one. It’s been so long I don’t know how to tell her.”

“That is fucking hilarious,” some poor asshole’s phone probably had gotten hundreds of texts of excessive emojis and puppy pictures. Molly grinned down at Nott, “Do you have something I can write with?”

Nott shuffled around the counters for a minute before coming up with an old newspaper and a dry erase marker.  Molly took them and wrote out Jester’s name and number, and after a brief moment of consideration he wrote out his as well. Capping the marker, he handed the paper to Nott.

“Here, now you can call anytime you need too.”

She took the paper with both hands and stared at it, and then she stared at Molly. Big yellow eyes meeting his.

“Thank you.”

Molly opened the front door. “It wasn’t at all a problem. Tell Caleb to feel better soon?”

“I will.”

“And have a good day Nott.”

There was a bit of a smile there behind the mask.

“I’ll try.”

Molly smiled back. “That’s all I ask”.

The door shut soft behind him and he made his way back down the stairs. Hurrying to the shelter of the car. It smelled of faintly of incense and of smoke. And as Molly carefully backed out of the alley way he missed completely, the book that had fallen out of a satchel.


	2. No matter where you live

Jester drummed the counter of her check stand and tried not to check her phone again. Looking just made time go slower. Ten more minutes until it was just half an hour until her lunch break. Then it was only four more hours until she was off. Which was like an hour four times. 

Completely doable. Totally.

She tried not to groan. She tried not to check her phone.

A customer began to unload their basket and Jester jumped on the distraction. She chatted and checked items and bagged items and chatted and did not check her phone.

It had been ages since Nott and Molly had left. How long could it possibly take to get to the college and get home. She tried to do the math in her head. It was like five minutes to campus, ten if Molly was driving. And then how long would it take to get the mysterious Caleb, another ten? Fifteen maybe? After that she had no idea where the two of them lived. But Nott had said how nice it was to live closer to work. So, what? Like twenty minutes as a high estimate. All together it should have been 50ish minutes, tops. She glanced at the clock. It had been twice that.

Another customer lined up and began to unload like a million cans of cat food. Jester kept up a smile and asked about their day. Semi-polite response, that was fine. She continued on in silence. Half way through the can mountain her phone buzzed in her apron pocket. It buzzed again, and it was all Jester could do not to run to the break room. The smile had turned it to a bit of a grimace, but Jester made it through the cans, an impressive amount of coupons, and the pain of watching someone else write a check.

“Do you need help out with your bags today?” No response, the customer already moving towards the doors. “Alright have a nice day!” Jester called after them. She was already looking around for a coworker. There! She waved him over.

“Reggie, can you please take over for me? It is like a super big emergency.”

He squinted at her in confusion, “isn’t your break at one?”

“It’s a super big  _ girl _ emergency.” She said, half because she knew he couldn’t argue with that and half because it was funny to see him get flustered.

“Uh, yeah sure. Go ahead” He sputtered, cheeks red and avoiding eye contact. Total success.

Jester signed off in record time and took off, powerwalking towards the employee restrooms. Leaving the flustered Reggie in her wake. The stockroom doors hadn’t even swung shut and she was already whipping out her phone and frantically tapping at the unread messages notification.

12:33 PM <3<3Oskar<3<3

**Saw that you called.**

12:33 PM <3<3Oskar<3<3

**Is everything okay?**

“Uggggh” Jester said a very quick prayer to the Traveler and tried not to throw her phone at the wall. Instead she hit dial.

“Stupid Fjord, you better pick up this time,” She muttered, pacing back and forth. The phone rang four times. She was just about to lose hope when-

“Hello? Jester? Are you alright?”

Suddenly, all of the nervous frustration whooshed away, and Jester was left with the beginning of some tears.

“Oh thank goodness,” She warbled.

Fjord sounded alarmed. “Jester? What’s the matter?”

“I’m okay, I’m okay” She soothed. She stopped to gather herself for a second. Wiping her nose on her sleeve. “Have you seen Molly? Or Nott?”

“I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Nott yet, so I can’t say if I’ve seen her. But I’m sure I haven’t seen Molly today, he’s hard to miss.”

That got a watery chuckle out of Jester.

“That’s true. They were supposed to be picking up Caleb, but I haven’t heard from either of them.”

“Widogast? From the library?”

“Yeah, he’s Nott’s friend. She said he was having a really bad day.” Jester had never seen the little goblin girl so frantic. Sure, she was jumpy and full of nervous ticks, but this was different. Pacing in the darkest corner of the stock room and sending text after text. Ready to rip her hair out. If Jester hadn’t offered (demanded) to help, then it was possible Nott would have tried to run all the way to the college. It had taken a few minutes to get the story straight and by the end of it Nott was close to tears.

Caleb had asked for help. Which he never did. Ever. And then he had stopped responding. 

Jester had seen the little goblin almost shaking with anxiety, this wasn’t a misunderstanding or an overreaction. It was an emergency. Nott was ready to drop everything to get to her friend.

And Jester couldn’t do anything. The Lollypop, her beautiful purple bug, was in the shop. There weren’t enough people on today to cover for both her and Nott. The scheduled bus route wouldn’t be fast enough. And worst of all she had no idea of how to comfort Nott. She liked to think they were friends, but the other girl was always so cagey and careful about her outside life. They had been working together for two whole months and not once had Nott ever texted her back or ever just hung out outside of work. Jester really wanted them to be friends. Really  _ really _ wanted them to be friends. But they weren’t there yet. So, Jester had no idea how to deal with a panicking Nott. No idea how to help.

So, she had called Molly. And she had bought groceries so there’d be one thing less for Nott to think about later. And she had done her best. But it wasn’t enough, she couldn’t cheer up Nott, she couldn’t make things better. All she could do is call Molly and wait.

“Jester?” Fjord had been talking “You still there?”

“I’m here,” She felt small and alone under the florescent lights of the stockroom.

“I was saying, do you want me to go check out the library? See if they’re still hanging around somewhere?”

“Yes please,” She couldn’t leave and actually be helpful.

“Alright then, do you want me to text you when I get there or…” He trailed off, seemingly picking up on Jester’s feelings of isolation.

“Can we keep talking?”

“Sure,” She could hear the sound of Fjord’s footsteps echoing loud even through the phone.

“Are you in a hallway or something?” She asked.

“Yeah, I just got out of a lab. Listen, I’m really sorry I didn’t answer the phone earlier. We had a practical today and-“

“The instructor is a real hard ass?” Jester interrupted. Fjord chuckled into the phone.

“I wasn’t going to use those exact words, but yes, they are a real hard ass.”

“How did the practical go?” Jester wished she had something to draw with. Her doodle kit was in her locker but that was in the basement and the reception was terrible. Fjord made a non-committal noise.

“Better than the last one at least. I’m fine at the demonstrations but I just can’t wrap my head around the mechanical theory behind the spells for the written portion. It makes sense in the textbook but as soon as I try to apply it everything just falls apart.”

“Bleh, I can’t help you there. My magic doesn’t have any mechanisms, it is a gift from the Traveler.”

“Yeah, but-“ Fjord broke off, grumbling something about patrons. Jester smiled a little bit. They had had this discussion (argument?) before. Fjord always was trying to dive too deep into the whys and the hows of his magic. Which made sense for him, it was his academic focus and way of trying to figure out himself. But for Jester, her magic was more like a flower, she didn’t need to know why it bloomed to know that it was beautiful. Fjord would usually try to site some journal or fact and Jester would try to come up with an even more wildly poetic metaphor. It was easy to wind him up about stuff like this and Jester loved to see how excited he was about it. It was cute.

“Okay, I’m at the parking lot. Do you remember what color Molly’s car was?”

How could she forget. “It’s like a real light baby blue with some real awful faux wood paneling.” It looked like it had crawled out of the uncoolest part of the 80’s. Molly loved it.

“Of course,” Fjord said distractedly as he scanned the parking lot. “Well I don’t see it; do you want me to check inside?”

“If you don’t mind.” That meant that they had been there and gone. Right?

“One sec” Fjord’s voice dropped low as Jester heard the clack and whoosh of the library doors opening. He must have slipped his phone into his shirt pocket because between the rustling static Jester could still make out his deep voice.

“Pardon me, I was looking for Caleb. A friend of mine asked me to drop something off for him.” It was a smooth lie. Jester couldn’t hear the response of whoever Fjord was talking to. They were too far away, it was all mumbles.

“Did he?” Fjord’s response was polite surprise. There were more mumbles.

“No no it’s fine, I’ll just drop it off on my way home. Thank you for all your help. Have a great rest of your day.” There was a pause for a response, more static, then there was another click and whoosh as Fjord left the building. After a moment of fumbling with his phone Jester could hear his voice clear.

“Well the person at the front desk said that Caleb had gone home early sick”

“Okay okay okay,” That was good, right? Molly and Nott would have called if they couldn’t find Caleb. Well Molly would have called. “Maybe they just took the really long way home?”

“I’m sure that’s probably it. Have you tried giving Molly a call?” Fjord asked

“I send him a few texts,” a lot of texts, “but I haven’t heard back. I didn’t want to call in case he was driving.”

“That’s very safety conscious of you. Why don’t you give him a call now?  If he doesn’t answer you can call me right back; I don’t have my next class for another hour. We can chat.” Fjord’s voice was low and comforting as always. Jester was pretty great at hiding her insecurities but Fjord was great at noticing them when they flared up.

“Okay,” Jester didn’t really want to hang up. “I’ll talk to you in like 30 seconds when he doesn’t pick up.”

“Sounds good, I’ll be here.”

“Okay”

“Okay”

“Bye!”

“Bye Jester.”

She held her breath and ended the call. As fast as she could she tapped through to Molly’s contact and hit the call button. It was ringing. Jester danced in place a little, still holding her breath and trying not to hope.

“Hey,” Molly “Jester? Give me a minute.” The sound of the background radio (instrumental music?) cut out and Jester could hear the  _ tick tatt  _ of a turn signal. She took a deep breath and danced a little harder as thanks to the Traveler. Okay.

Some of the noise in the background quieted, Molly must have turned off the engine.

“You still there?” He asked, “Sorry, you told me to text when I got them home.” He sounded different. Just a little bit. Distant maybe or distracted.

“That’s okay! Are they alright? Are you alright?” Jester had a million more questions but these two seemed like the most important to start with.

“Well, I got them home okay enough. It took a little longer than expected. Caleb- Caleb seemed like he had had a rough morning. It took Nott awhile to get him to come back to himself.”

Oh.

“Molly are you alright?” Jester asked again. She wasn’t sure if Molly had seen this sort of thing from an outside perspective. Both he and Yasha said things were better, but that didn’t mean things were always great. Jester didn’t have the whole picture, she should have stopped and thought about it.

“I’m-“He stopped to think or gather. “I’m okay, actually it was nice to be able to help.” He sounded like there was something of a smile in his voice. He sounded genuine.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Jester kind of felt like crying again. Maybe she hadn’t stopped feeling like that since this morning. Everyone was okay. Or as okay as they were going to get.

“I don’t get off work until 11 but do you want to have a movie night? We can watch terrible movies and eat too many cookies.” Molly kind of sounded as terrible as she felt.

“And you can tell me all about the mysterious Caleb.” Spending the night with a friend was absolutely the only way to save this day from being completely terrible.

“Your place or mine?” Molly asked.

“Fjord still has a final left and I’m not sure if Beau does or not, so your place?”

“Perfect, it’s a date darling. Now listen, I need to go so I’ve got time to change before work.” 

Looking back, Molly had looked uncharacteristically drab this morning. He must have rushed out as soon as she called. Jester felt a little warmth in her heart.

“Whaaat? But super baggy sweats is such a good look on you.”

“The only good thing about baggy pants that they show off my wonderful underwear choice or lack thereof.”

Jester giggled. “Go make yourself pretty then!”

“I’m already pretty. I want to look devastating.”

She knew he was smiling then when he said that. It was too stupid a line to say with a straight face. “Go then, I’ll see you later.”

“For terrible movies and cookies.”

“Yes, for terrible movies and cookies,” She agreed. “And Molly?”

“Yes dear?”

“Thanks for coming when I called.” She said that part softer. Not soft enough that he couldn’t hear. But far enough from their usual joking tone for him to know she really meant it.

“Any time,” He said, just as soft in return. “And Jester?”

“What?”

“This is really cutting into my “become devastatingly beautiful time”. Is it alright if I hang up?” He said it so sincerely that she was sure that he didn’t mean it. Message received, and emotional talk avoided. It was  _ so  _ Molly.

“Ugh, fine. Good bye Molly.”

“Good bye Jester.”

“See you later.”

“Yes”

“Drive safe!”

“I will.”

“Bye!”

She could hear him laughing on the line right up until he hung up on her. She was smiling too. 

She sent a quick text to Fjord.

12:51 PM Jessie

**talked to molly 😊everyone is okay and homw safe!!!!!**

Looking around the store room the shadows looked less dim, the lights above less harsh and grating. The overwhelming shelves now their usual familiar selves. Her phone buzzed.

12:52 PM <3<3<3 Oskar <3<3<3

**That’s great news! Thank you for the update.**

She stood there for the last few minutes of her break, much less alone than before, and said a prayer to the Traveler. Giving thanks for the friends he had brought her. She felt a hum of belonging in her chest and a light pat on back. For the friends she had brought herself as well.

 

It was still pissing rain as Molly said a quiet goodbye to Gustav and made a run for his car. The half elf, arms full of a sleeping Toya, stood at the front door peering through the rain to make sure Molly made it to his car okay. He was soaked halfway across the parking lot and absolutely fucking drenched by the time he had crammed the keys in the lock and dived into the drivers seat. Under the glow of the dome light he waved at the pair in the doorway. Gustav waved back, and Molly watched as the lights of the little Moondrop theatre went dark for the night.

The rain was coming down in sheets. Molly could feel cold drops from his hair running down his neck. The billowy silk shirt that looked phenomenal this afternoon was plastered to his skin. Molly considered it for a moment and decided it probably looked a different sort of phenomenal at the moment. So did his stupidly high heeled black leather boots. But none of this mattered because he was wet and cold and so uncomfortable. He sat shivering for a minute. Trying to dredge up the energy to turn on the engine and drive home.

His phone buzzed, the most recent notification showing a snap from Jester. He opened it.

It was a selfie showing her and a frankly ridiculous amount of store bought baked goods. The colorful filter superimposing a huge pair of aviators on her grinning face. Molly recognized his couch in the background piled high with blankets that Jester must have brought along.

**ready 2 fugkin party?!!1**

Molly fussed with his hair for a moment in the rearview before taking a return picture. He slapped the same filter on it and quickly typed out a caption.

**sooo fugkin ready!!!!!! <3<3<3**

Okay. He turned on the car and set the heat to full blast. He contorted in his seat for a moment, wrenching off one soaked boot and then the other. He threw them over to the passenger side along with his wet shirt. Digging around in the back he came up with a sweater that he kept stashed under a seat with a few random costume pieces. It was a hideous plaid, but it was warm, so it would do. He was still cold and uncomfortable, but the drive home wasn’t that long, and his friend was waiting there for him. He turned up the radio and flipped through to an upbeat pop station. Tapping the steering wheel along with the music he pulled out of the parking lot and on to the street.

There was almost nobody out this late and in the awful weather. Molly sped slightly, anxious to be home with the warmth and joy of Jester. After the weirdness of the morning the rest of the day had crawled by in a bit of a haze. There hadn’t been a show tonight, just rehearsals, which had allowed Molly to putter around doing menial office tasks and light costume work for the majority of the afternoon. If any of the troop had noticed Molly acting off they hadn’t said anything. Just stuck closer. Desmond had kept him company in the office, sorting out time sheets and drinking some awful cheap tea. Toya had requested that he braid her hair and had hummed the entire time. The twins brought him one of their older serpent costumes and had requested more sequins be added. Molly had happily obliged and the three of them sat trading insults and chatting until it was time for the girls to practice. And Gustav had made sure Molly was heading home at the end of the night. He or Orna or Bo would probably check in at some point in the morning.

Molly accelerated slightly to make it through a yellow light. The cheerful music carrying him through the saturated streets without issue. He turned on to his road and looked up to see the warm lights emanating from the window he knew to his and Yasha’s. Jester must have turned on the fairy lights and probably the little disco ball by the look of it. She probably got Beau’s spare key. He carefully pulled into a space between two cars. Wiggling closer and closer to the curb until he was satisfied with his parking job. Or as satisfied as he was going to get. Parallel parking was a bitch.

The rain was still hammering down and Molly took a moment to gather the nerve to face it again. He contemplated just leaving all of his wet things in the car. Just deal with them tomorrow. But no, the boots would absolutely get gross if he didn’t dry them out. And he should probably hang up the shirt, it was one of his favorites.

He unbuckled and reached over to feel around the foot well. There was one boot, and the shirt. Molly’s knuckles brushed against a hard, unfamiliar shape. He grabbed it, flipping on the dome light to get a better look at it. It was a book. Thin, with yellowing pages. It had green fabric stretched over the spine with silver script pressed in to the deep black cover. Molly had never seen it his life. But thinking back to a satchel stuffed full to bursting, bouncing around the ankles of a little goblin, Molly had some idea of where it had come from. He reached down and grabbed the other boot. Tucking the book under his awful sweater for some protection he opened the car door and dashed out into the rain and up the stairs barefoot.

The book could actually be tomorrow’s problem.

Jester must have seen his car pull up because he had barely had time to knock before she flung open the door. There was a  _ crack _ and both of them flinched. Molly found himself covered in cheap confetti from the party popper held in Jester’s sheepish hand.

“That was sooo much louder than I expected.” She said in a stage whisper. “It said  _ popper _ I thought it would be more of a pop.”

They stared at each other for a second and then both of them burst in to cackles. Jester was doubled over wheezing and Molly had to wipe tears from his eyes. His already smudged mascara even more of a mess.

“What’s all this then?” He asked breathless once they had regained some of their composure. He gestured to the decorations strewn around his apartment. There was a rainbow of streamers hung from the ceiling and balloons covering the floor. Jester pulled him inside and into a brief hug.

“We are having a Bad Day Party!” She said it like it was obvious “Here, I made hats!”

The carboard hat had apparently been intended for a baby shower. Jester had taken a sharpie to it, so it now read “It’s a ~~girl~~ really shitty day!” She had dotted the “i” with a little heart.

“I also have one in blue if you want that”

This one read “It’s a boydaciously awful time”. Both were liberally covered with extra glitter. 

“These are terrible” Molly said, delighted. “I’ll take the blue”

Jester put the pink on, it took a second to maneuver it over her horns. She kept it at a crooked angle on purpose.

“Perfect, I wanted the pink. Now,” She shut front door behind him. Standing with her hands on her hips and a serious look on her face. “I have a  _ very _ important question for you Molly. Should we order pizza?”

Molly felt a twinge of relief at Jester’s innocent question. He didn’t want to talk about anything emotional at the moment. All the weird uncomfortable looking-in-the-mirror feelings could stay locked up tight for the moment. Until he either got super fucking drunk or Yasha came home. One of the two. Getting hammered wasn’t really Jester’s style, so for the moment, locked up tight was how things were going to stay.

“That sounds heavenly. Here,” he pulled out his wallet and handed her his card “you bought the cookies and party supplies.”

She took it and grabbed her phone, searching for the phone number of their usual pizza place. 

“Okay, okay, okay. What type do we want to get?”

“Hmmmm, half spicy sausage and half whatever their daily special is?” Molly didn’t care really, food sounded good. Warm food sounded amazing. He was still shivering slightly. Soaked and dripping slightly on to the linoleum.

“Sounds good!” Jester pinned the phone to her ear with a shoulder and began lightly shoving Molly towards the bathroom. He could hear the other end of the line ringing. 

“Go take a shower!” Jester whispered loudly. “You look super pathetic and cold and stuff. I’ll get the movie cued up.”

Molly let himself get shoved. Looking over his shoulder at her. “Fine, fine. Tip extra, the weather is absolute shit out there.”

Jester gave him one last little push and a wink before turning her attention to the phone. “Yes, hello! I am wonderful today, how are you?”

Molly tuned out the rest of her cheerful chatter. Detouring to his bedroom, he hung up his silk shirt and carefully propped the boots by the heater vent. The book was placed on the bedside table and forgotten about. The pants and the terrible sweater went in the laundry basket so did the the clothing that had been living on his floor for the past few weeks. He crammed some clutter back into the closet and decided that it was neatish enough for Jester. She didn’t care anyway. But he liked putting in the effort. Grabbing a towel from the mostly clean pile of laundry on the squishy armchair in the corner of his room, he wrapped it around his waist and finally made his way to the bathroom.

Jester wolf whistled him the second he was in the hallway. Her voice following him down the hallway, “I like your butt! Oh sorry, I was talking to a friend. Though I’m sure you have a nice butt too. The delivery address? It’s-“

The conversation was drowned out by the sound of the shower. Steam began to rise, and Molly felt the rest of the tension he had been holding in his shoulders slip away. He cleaned off his makeup with a wipe, moving quickly before the steam obscured the mirror. Pausing for just a moment he looked at the purple face, into the red eyes. And then smiled at the reflection, bearing his teeth in a fierce grin. He was Molly, and he was going to take a nice long shower, eat too much food, and have a wonderful sleepover with his friend.

There was a  _ tap tap  _ at the door and Jester’s voice called out.

“Pizza will be here in like 35 minutes, do you want to watch bad porn or a bad movie?”

Molly thought for a moment before Jester called out again.

“We could also do reality tv or something?”

“My votes for terrible tv. I don’t think I’m up for a movie and there’s always time for bad porn later.”

“Okay! I’m going to start without you then. Take your time.”

Molly’s smile was a little softer, the mirror completely fogged up now. He hung his towel on the hook and slipped under the blissfully hot stream of water.

It felt wonderful.

Molly closed his eyes and hummed in contentment. Tilting his head back and letting the water run over his horns and through his hair. He stood for a few minutes, just soaking in the heat and sensation of water pouring over him. Moving without the notion of hurry, he grabbed his loofah and body wash, taking his time to wash away the tension of the day. Basking in the scent of lavender and white tea. He took a moment to contemplate his legs. He could shave later. The weather was gross anyway, he’d show off his legs when there was less of a hurricane. Hair shampooed and conditioned to his satisfaction he spent a few more minutes enjoying the warmth and fragrance heavy in the air.

He emerged nearly 20 minutes later, beautifully relaxed. The sound of voices and overly dramatic music drifted from the tv. Jester craned around from her seat on the couch, where she was nearly buried by blankets and pillows.

“I borrowed Fjord’s shark onesie for you if you want it. I threw it on your bed. Fjord says you have to wear underwear.”

Molly laughed. “That man drives a hard bargain.” He could see she was already wearing a onesie of her own. It looked like some sort of garishly pink unicorn. It matched her party hat. It was perfectly Jester.

The sound of a knock on the door sent bedding flying as Jester rushed to the door. Seems like Molly wasn’t the only one incredibly excited for pizza. He let Jester handle the transaction. Wrapping his hair and horns in the towel he contemplated the oversized blue and gray onesie. He suspected that Jester had been the one to buy it for Fjord in the first place. It wasn’t his usual style but it was super fucking comfy looking so he was going to make an exception.

As he exited the bedroom he jumped at the sound of another party popper. Jester stood, holding the pizza aloft in one hand, party hat askew.

“Let’s get this party started!” She cheered.

Less than an hour later both of them were stretched out on the couch. Mostly empty pizza box between them with a sizable pile of candy wrappers on top of the cardboard. Jester idly nibbled on a cookie as they watched the credits of the latest episode of their terrible makeover show. Molly was comfortably snuggled in, his legs draped over Jester’s.

“So-“ Her eyes locked on to his, a little grin on face “What color were his eyes?”

“Who?”

“The mysterious Caleb Widogast.” She wiggled her fingers for emphasis.

“Blue, very blue. And he has auburn hair.”

“Is he handsome?”

Molly thought back to the empty shadowed eyes and painfully hunched shoulders. The shaking hands and unsubtle flinches. Trying to survive the next half an hour.

“I suppose in a sort of scruffy sort of way.”

“Arrrg” The grin turned into a frustrated roll of the eyes. “Deets Molly! I want details, I’ve been hearing about how amazing he is from Nott for the past two months! What’s his butt like?”

Under the baggy sweater and loose jeans the man had been thin, very thin.

“Boney I think”

Jester made a  _ pffffft  _ sound. “How tall was he?”

“Hmm, standing up straight? I’d say a few inches taller than me. Hang on are you drawing this?”

Jester had fished her sketchbook out from somewhere and had already begun to doodle. Molly scooted over to get a better look. The next episode of their show had started but neither were paying attention.

“Of course! You’re my new informant! I can’t ask Nott about her best friend’s butt and Beau is useless for that sort of thing.”

“No no, his hair is longer than that”

“Ooh like this?”

“Perfect. Beau knows Caleb and Nott?” That was surprising. Beau was the most abrasive and socially awkward being Molly had ever met. She didn’t seem considerate enough to deal with whatever was going on with the weird little goblin/human family unit thing.

Jester had begun making a ruggedly handsome face on a rather spindly looking body. She added a five o’clock shadow with deft flicks of her pencil. It didn’t look much like Caleb but the gist of it was there.

“Yeah! I think she got him the job at the library or something.  I don’t remember how they met.”

Beau had enough pull with someone to get another person a job? That was interesting. He’d have to see if Yasha knew anything about it whenever she got back. Beau probably would not answer any of Molly’s questions, the asshole.

“Any you met Nott at work right?”

“Yeah! I didn’t even know she was there for like the first few weeks because she was so stealthy about stocking the shelves. We share lunches sometimes.” Molly suspected it was more Jester pushing food on the tiny goblin than anything else.

“They seemed like quite the pair.”

“What was their apartment like?” Jester paused in her drawing to eat another cookie. Eyes drifting back to the tv screen where another episode had started. She turned down the volume slightly.

Molly paused for a moment, unsure how comfortable Nott and Caleb would be with other folks knowing about their lives. Molly got the impression that they were  _ very _ private. 

“Cozy,” cramped. “It looked like they hadn’t quite finished unpacking yet.”

“Really?” Jester sounded surprised “I think they moved here like six months ago?”

As far as Molly could remember the apartment had been barren in the way of personal effects. No pictures or posters hanging on the wall. No keepsakes or knickknacks on display. Nothing to say what type of people lived there. Other than the books.

“Maybe they weren’t planning on staying here long?” Molly offered.

Jester looked annoyed at the very notion of that. “I hope not.” She huffed, “Nott is the only other person at work who is actually fun. It’s be sooooo boring without her.”

Molly wasn’t sure if he really cared if they moved on and out of his life. It had been a small act of kindness for Jester’s sake. Nothing more. It’s not like he knew anything about them anyway. But maybe that was it. There was an air of intrigue about the pair, and Molly could never say no to a good mystery.

A surge of music from the TV caught their attention. Jester cackled and gestured to the screen where the overly dramatic exposition was taking place.

“This is going to be a disaster.” She said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic and chapter one titles are both from [Color in your cheeks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3_7mXVRL0M) by the Mountain Goats
> 
> Chapter two title is from [Up the Wolves](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H10mhHNW1Rs) by the Mountain Goats again
> 
> In fact a lot of the titles are going to be from the random collection of folk punk and other songs that got me through times like these. 
> 
> I'm not 100% sure where this fic is going but I've been working on it for awhile and I'm excited to find out.


	3. Reached out with good intentions

For the second day in a row Molly woke to the sound of his phone ringing. Judging by the watery late Autumn sunlight filtering through the window it was late morning. The pillow fort they had built on Molly’s bed last night in a fit of sugar heightened architectural mania had collapsed. The resulting pile of bedding was scattered half on the floor half on the bed. Molly himself was in danger of falling off. Jester had continuously scooted closer and closer during the night. At the moment she had on leg on top his and was hugging his right arm in a death grip. She was drooling a little but mostly smiling.

He reached over, stretching to reach the phone without disturbing Jester. It was an unknown number. He answered it anyway.

“Hello, Tealeaf tarot readings and relationship advice. How can I help you this fine morning?” He kept his voice low. Partially because it sounded sexy and partially to not wake Jester.

“Uh, Hallo? Is this Mollymauk? Nott said this was the right number.” Molly felt a spark of recognition at the accent, Zemnian probably. He shifted up against the headboard, so he was more in a sitting position, carefully trying to not disturb Jester and her octopus impression. She snuffled slightly and inched closer. He was smiling before he knew it.

“Yes, Molly at your service! And would I be correct in guessing this is Caleb? It is so wonderful to hear your voice.” It was wonderful, full words and sentences, miles from the nearly catatonic _yes’s_ and _no’s_ of the previous day. Anxiety Molly didn’t know he was holding slipped away at how clear Caleb sounded.

“Um Ja, I wanted to thank you for giving Nott and I a ride home yesterday.” The voice was soft, accent pulling at syllables in a charming way.

“Not a problem darling, I was happy to help.” Molly thought he might have heard a splutter after the word _darling_. Noted.

“Yes um, we greatly appreciated it. So, thank you.” The man sounded so incredibly sincere.

“Of course! Anytime, you’re welcome to give me a call!” Molly was a little surprised that he meant it.

“Oh, uh okay?” Caleb seemed surprised at the offer as well. “I also had a question. For you. If you have a moment?”

“Ask away,” Molly had no plans for the day besides be lazy in bed.

“I was also wondering if you had happened to find a book? I am worried it might have fallen out of my bag.” The thank you had been genuine, but Molly got the idea that this was the real reason Caleb had called.

“A book?” Molly looked over at his bedside table where he had placed the book last night. “Black cover, green spine? Looks like it’s written in… actually I don’t know what language this is.”

Molly heard a sharp breath on the other end of the line. Caleb’s voice was weak with relief.

“ _Göttern sei Dank._ Yes, yes. That is the one.”

“Is it important? I could drop it off in a couple of hours if you’ll be home?”

“Ja, it is for my research. But I do not want to be a bother.”

“Nonsense, we don’t live too far apart. I’ll swing by around noon if that would work for you” It was like a ten minute drive tops.

“Oh um, yes. That would be fine. I can- I will be here.” He sounded positively unsure of his answer, uncomfortable even.

“I can drop by another time if you have to be somewhere?” Molly offered.

“No, no. I am home from work today.” Oh right, Molly thought there was something like shame in the flat way Caleb said it. Or maybe he was angry at himself. It was hard to tell. Molly kept his voice light.

“Well then, that works out perfectly. I will see you in just a few hours then!” Maybe too light, Molly inwardly cringed at how chipper he sounded. He failed to keep his volume down and beside him Jester began stirring awake. She hugged him tighter and blinked her eyes open. Yawning she looked up at him curiously.

“ _Who is that?”_ She whispered. Molly gestured at her to wait a moment.

“Yes, okay. I will see you then.” There was an awkwardly long pause before Caleb said a rushed “Goodbye” and hung up the phone. Molly smiled bemusedly at the phone before turning his attention to Jester.

“That my dear was a Mr. Caleb Widogast.”

She gasped dramatically, “You didn’t tell me he had an accent!” She flopped onto her back. “An accent and very very blue eyes. What was he calling about?”

Molly reached over and grabbed the slim book, offering it to Jester.

“This got left behind in the car yesterday.” She flipped through it as Molly continued, “He said it was for his research of some sort, very important. Any idea on what it says?”

She hummed thoughtfully, tilting the pages this way and that. “Well, have no idea what these words are but I recognized some of the runes at least. This one looks like a variation on mending and this one means like some sort of destruction or maybe inverted healing. I don’t know! It’s a spell book probably.”

“Whatever it is I’ll be dropping it off in a couple of hours.”

Jester’s attention locked on to Molly. “Like to his apartment and stuff? Can I come along?”

“I think maybe another time might be better. It seems like yesterday was a little rough for the parties involved.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Jester was pouting. Molly ruffled her hair.

“But we could stop at that one bakery that just opened, just off of 3rd and Penta?”

She brightened, “Oh yes! Let’s do that, they make the biggest bear claws there!”

“We should probably start getting ready then,” He wiggled out of her grasp and rolled out of bed. Stretching his arms over his head he looked down at the shark onesie he was still wearing from last night. This wouldn’t do. He threw open the doors to his overstuffed closet and contemplated.

“Are we becoming devastatingly beautiful for brunch?” Jester asked, her hair was a fluffy mass of frizz and blue curls. Her unicorn hood caught crooked on one of her horns. Her smile was matching Molly’s.

“I think I’ll go for a more effortless look today. You, darling, are welcome to look as devastating as want.”

“Do you have any of that eyeshadow left? The super glittery green stuff?”

“Oh of course, I got some in gold too if you wanted to try it out.”

Jester practically popped out of bed with a squeal of delight, and ran over to her absolutely stuffed overnight bag.

“Lets fucking do this! I have the most perfect dress for this.” Of course, she planned for brunch, she was Jester, Molly expected nothing less.

They stepped in to the warm cinnamon filled air of the bakery nearly an hour later looking fan-fucking-tastic. Molly in a flowing tunic, dewy makeup and newly dried boots on. Jester in a over the top green dress with a makeup look to match. Both were sporting oversized sunglasses and long faux fur coats that had come from some past production the troupe had put on. Molly wasn’t quite sure how they had ended up in his closet, costumes seemed to just accumulate around him. It didn’t matter for the moment though because he and Jester were doing their best movie star impressions and getting donuts.

“Hello, yes” Jester was at the cashier using her most austere upper-class accent. “We will take 12 of your finest donuts please.”

The barista behind the counter looked a little confused.

“Uhh, what kinds would you like?”

Jester flipped her sunglasses up on her head and grinned, slipping back into her usual accent. “Ooh surprise me! What type is your favorite?”

While they were chatting, Molly perused a display of signature blends of tea. Stopping to smell and admire the quaint neatly made parcels. He settled on a package of chamomile and lavender. He brought it up and waited for Jester to finish pointing out the most exciting looking pastries and donuts from the display case.

“Will that be all for you today?”

Molly pondered the drinks menu posted on the wall.

“I’ll take a medium of your monthly special, and Jester dear?”

“Hot cocoa please, with extra whip cream! Oh no you don’t.” She had spotted Molly attempting to take out his wallet. “You paid for the pizza, it’s my turn.”

“At least let me pay for the tea then?”

“No, it is a gift.” She had pulled her sunglasses back down and had her chin in the air.

“I was buying it to bring over to Caleb and Nott.”

“Then it is a gift from both of us.”

Molly raised his hands in defeat, that was that then. Still, he pulled a silver piece out of his wallet and placed it in the tip jar. Nodding at the barista he helped Jester gather up their bounty and they headed over to some cushy armchairs to wait for their drinks. Jester opened the rectangular box and contemplated for a moment before selecting a chocolate doughnut with some type of freeze dried berry on top. Molly picked at random, settling on a light pink one filled with some sort of cream.

“Rose and honey” Jester helpfully explained around a mouthful of doughnut. She had pink dusting the end of her nose. Molly took a bite, it was a little too sweet to balance out the delicate floral flavor. The honey over powering everything else. But it definitely was not the worst thing Molly had ever put in his mouth.

“Soo, you’re buying a present for Caleb.”

“And for Nott. I just figured they deserved something relaxing after yesterday.”

“How were they?” Jester was a little quiet. Besides talking about the state of Caleb’s butt they hadn’t really discussed any of what had actually gone down. Molly briefly thought about trying to downplay it, to spare her feelings, but the thought passed as quickly as it had come. You didn’t lie about this sort of thing to a friend. Especially one who cared as much as Jester did.

“They were,” thinking back to the quiet car rides and the empty eyes, eloquence escaped Molly. “Not good. And I don’t think that this is the first time this has happened.”

“How come?”

“They had a routine. And bless Nott, but nobody is that considerate the first time they talk some through an episode like that.”

“Was it a panic attack or-?” She trailed off as Molly shook his head. He had seen panic attacks before. Rocked in time with Toya until she fell asleep or found her words again. Gently wiped away tears and waited with warm blankets.

“No, it was like he wasn’t there. Or like he couldn’t come back to himself. I think it was more like me.” Dissociating. He didn’t have to say it out loud. Jester was probably the only person outside of the troupe who knew the nowhere Mollymauk Tealeaf came from and all the baggage that entailed. Not that Molly actively hid it, Jester just was very open to asking questions.

“Hot chocolate extra whip and a caramel fog for a Jester Fancybottom?” The barista’s confused voice cut through the tension of the conversation. Molly set down his half forgotten doughnut and went over to pick up the drinks. He smiled and winked at the person behind the counter, their confusion only seemed to deepen. Heading back to their comfy chairs, he handed the whip cream monstrosity to Jester.

“Ms. Fancybottom, your drink.” She took it gracefully.

“Why thank you Mr. Tealeaf.”

He settled back down with his own frothy mug. Jester nibbled at her doughnut some more.

“I don’t like it.” She finally said.

“Don’t like what dear?”

“I’ve known Nott for two months, I talk to her every single day we work together. We line up our breaks, so we can chat at lunch. We make fun of shitty detective novels and plan pranks.” Jester’s voice warbled a little bit. “She was so scared yesterday, Molly, and she thought she had to deal with everything on her own.”

Molly thought back to little claws twisting at oversize buttons and gratitude over phone numbers.

“Well, she doesn’t. Not anymore. Jester, we are two of the noisiest motherfuckers to ever live and we can and will put that skill to good use. We can probably get Beau in on it as well if she isn’t already. She helped get Caleb a job that probably means she must be able to at least stand them.”

“And if you and Beau are involved then Yasha is in.” Jester pointed out.

“And if you’re involved then we can count on Fjord too.”

Jester took a sip of her drink to hide a blush, but Molly could see a smile as well. When she put the drink down the pink dust had been replaced by whip cream on the end of her blue nose.

“What do we do about it then?” She asked.

“We let them know they aren’t alone. We draw them out and get involved in their lives. The new show at the Moondrop opens next weekend. Let’s start there. We can invite everyone and make a whole night of it.”

"I’ve tried to invite Nott places before but she always says no. I don’t even have her number.”

“You knew that?”

Jester shrugged. “She gave be the number for some guy named Brian, he’s pretty cool. We follow each other on Instagram now.”

“Maybe ask her for her number again. She said she didn’t give it to you the first time because she didn’t know you that well. You two are pretty close now aren’t you?” Jester nodded. “You invite Nott and I’ll invite Caleb and between the two of us they’re bound to come.”

Jester stared into her hot cocoa as if it held all the answers. “And if they don’t want to come? What do we do then?”

“Darling, we know where they live, we know where they work. They can’t escape this friendship party even if they wanted too.”

They chatted for nearly another half an hour. Coming up with plans to get involved in the lives of the little goblin and the scruffy human. Some of them were good and reasonable but most were ridiculous. It was fun and felt like action. It banished away the slight feeling of helplessness that had been settled over the pair of them since Jester’s phone call yesterday morning.

Molly took their empty mugs over to the dishes bin and said one final thank you to the staff behind the counter. Jester held the box of pastries and doughnuts aloft in one hand and the door open for Molly with the other. As the pair stepped out into the weak sunlight Molly shivered slightly. The faux fur coat was fun, but it did practically nothing against the brisk wind that had stuck around even after the rains of yesterday had moved on. He had his favorite red coat in the car, it was much better suited to this weather.

Jester wedged the box of sweets on top of the pile of party supplies she had dumped in the back seat of Molly’s car. She hopped in the front seat and pulled out her phone to check the notifications.

“Fjord is officially done with finals!” Jester whooped “It’s the perfect time for celebration doughnuts!”

“Dropping you off at your house then?” Molly asked

“Yes please!”

Molly pulled into the cracked driveway of the quaint little house Jester, Fjord, and Beau called home. The lawn was a little overgrown and flowerbeds had been mostly ignored since the trio had moved in nearly 2 years ago. But it was warm and welcoming. The tiny front porch had just enough room for a welcome mat and a rickety old bench swing that had held a lot of late summer night conversations.

Jester could handle the mess of party supplies and sweets on her own no problem, but Molly got the door for her anyway. Peering inside to the living room, he could see Beau passed out on the couch. Jester paused for a second to shake some glitter from one of the party hats on to the sleeping girl. She set the mess of stuff down on the table and carefully placed the doughnuts down on a chair. Bounding back over to where Molly was standing by the door she gave him a hug.

“Thanks for the bad day party.” He said quietly, trying not to wake the snoring Beau.

“I’ll text you later. We can plan more!”

“See what Beau thinks too, I’m sure she has plenty of non butt related information.”

Jester snorted and gave one last rib bruising hug. “Okay, drive safe Molly.”

“I will. Talk later?”

“Talk later!”

 

Molly missed the turn for Caleb and Nott’s alley twice before successfully navigating the narrow street and backing in next to the now empty dumpster. He had switched the faux fur coat for his equally ridiculous but much more weather appropriate red coat. Feeling at home in the richly patterned fabric he grabbed the book and the gift tea and made his way up the stairs for a second time. At the top of the landing he took a moment to survey his outfit, undo a button, and run a hand through his hair. It was a few minutes past 12

Perfect? Yes, perfect.

He knocked a few sharp taps with his knuckles and waited. Nothing. About a minute passed. Molly knocked again, a little louder. This time there was a shuffling inside and the _snick-clack_ of the deadbolt being unlocked. The door creaked open and Molly found himself looking once again into two very blue eyes.

They were clear and focused, meeting Molly’s for just a moment. And then he was searching Molly’s face. Taking in the horns and the jewelry and the tattoos. Scanning head to toe, pausing for a brief second in the region of the undone button, before stopping with laser beam focus on the slim book Molly held loosely in his hand. Eyes snapped back up and Caleb realized that Molly’s gaze hadn’t moved an inch. The man opened and shut his mouth a few times gathering up words. Molly fancied he could see a bit of a blush peaking over the sharp cheekbones.

“Uh Hallo” Caleb finally managed.

“Hi,” Molly offered a hand “Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to my friends. I don’t believe I introduced myself fully yesterday.”

The man took the offered hand and shook it. Molly could see the tattered band aids had be replaced, a few by the regular peachy human skin tone bandages but more were bright greens and neon blues. They were so bright they practically glowed from his fingertips.

“Caleb Widogast” Caleb Widogast said. Eyes focused back on the book in Molly’s other hand.

Molly offered it freely, handing over the package of tea as well.

“Your book as promised,” he said brightly, “and an apology for accidentally stealing it in the first place.”

Caleb took both, looking confusedly at the tea.

“This is not necessary, you did not have to.” He shook his head, trailing off.

“Nonsense, it’s a gift. From Jester and me to two someones who might have had a bad yesterday.”

“Oh.” His eyes still hadn’t returned to Molly’s. “Thank you again for your help, yesterday.”

“It was no trouble darling.” Definitely a blush. “A favor between friends. Although,” a thought occurred to Molly. “If you wanted to return the favor my troupe is putting on a new performance. Opening night is next Saturday.”

The man’s eyes flicked up for the briefest of moments trying to read Molly’s face. Finding nothing but a pleasant smile he looked off again. Somewhere past Molly’s shoulder.

“I do not know. I’d have to talk to Nott.” Caleb said. He was clutching at the book so hard his knuckles were turning white.

Molly took a step back to lean against the railing of the landing. Gingerly, it didn’t look entirely stable. “She’s invited too of course! We really love a good crowd to start us off for-“

Molly was interrupted by a trill. A well fed orange tabby was trotting up the stairs towards them. It’s attention was fixed on Molly, tail up straight. Delighted, Molly crouched down and offered a hand for the creature to smell.

“Hello you handsome thing.” He cooed at it. The cat contemplated Molly, fixing him with a long careful look. Whatever it was looking for it seemed to find because it was rubbing against Molly a second later. Molly chanced a few scratches under the chin, the cat leaned into it, narrowing its eyes and raising its head. It enjoyed the contact for a couple of more seconds before abandoning Molly to brush against Caleb’s baggy flannel pants. A pants leg had ended up bunched up and tucked in to one of the man’s thick mismatched socks.

Caleb crouched down as well, letting the cat place it’s front paws on his knee and gently headbutt against the scruffy beard. There was a flash of unguarded affection across Caleb’s face. He made a basket shape with one arm, an invitation the cat clearly knew. It somewhat gracefully clambered up the boney knee, wobbled slightly, then up an arm on to Caleb’s shoulders. Molly thought he could see a bit of a wince at that. Understandable really, Caleb’s sweater probably wasn’t much protection against kitty claws. The cat settled itself down, draping like a scarf over the man’s neck. Molly could here the rumbling purr from where he was crouched. Cat secured, Caleb stood slowly as not to disturb his passenger. Molly stood too, grinning at the pair, their hair color almost matched.

“Yours I’m assuming?” He asked.

“Yes, this is Frumpkin, he’s my-“ the man stopped for a moment, struggling for a word, “cat.” He finished lamely.

Molly desperately wanted to give the cat another scratch behind the ear but resisted to give Caleb some personal space. Even with the apparent familiar presence of the pet the man seemed to be shrinking in on himself. Tucked up against the door frame. Shoulders hunched.

“What’s the Zimnian word for cat?” He asked. He kept his gaze on Frumpkin, deliberately blinking as slow as possible. He could see out of the corner of his eye, Caleb was studying his face.

“Katze, why?”

“That’s your accent, right?” Molly chanced a glance. Caleb was looking somewhere over Molly’s shoulder again.

“Oh,” The look of surprise made Molly think he had been wrong for a second. And then Caleb was nodding. He smiled something forced. “Ja, I grew up in the north.”

He looked like he was going to say something else but stopped. Frumpkin lazily flicked his tail back and forth.

“I’ve never been but I heard it’s beautiful.” Molly said.

Caleb nodded. “It was lovely. Although,” a gust of wind rushed between them. “I do not miss the winters.”

Molly was suddenly very aware he had kept a possibly sick, definitely very skinny man chatting out here in the elements with only pajamas for protection. The poor man was shivering.

“I’d love to see it someday I’m sure.” He said “Well, I’ll let you get back inside. Go enjoy a cup of tea, it’s a good day for it.” The weak sun had finally given up the ghost and the gloomy clouds had returned.

Molly didn’t take the look of relief that flashed across Caleb’s face personally. He looked exhausted. Ready to go back and curl up on the couch and sleep for a week.

“Thank you again, for-“ He lifted up the book and tea package. “And for yesterday.”

“It is and was nothing darling. Could I text you the show details? I could also pass along a flyer to Nott.”

Caleb met Molly’s gaze for a moment. It was a calculating look. Molly had his phone number now. Molly was asking if he could use it.

“Texting would be fine.” It was soft but sure. “But if you have a flyer available, Nott would probably like one. She collects-“ he gave a general ‘things’ gesture. Molly wasn’t quite sure what to make of it but what every made the little goblin happy.

“I can make sure Jester gets one to her.” Molly offered.

Caleb nodded, and said again, “Thank you.”

Molly wasn’t 100 percent sure what part of this exchange the man was referring too.

“Not at all a problem. Go, enjoy your book and your tea.” Molly said making a shooing gesture for Caleb to go back inside. There might have been a small smile at that. It was hard to tell. Caleb nodded.

“Have a pleasant day Mollymauk.”  He said.

“You as well, Caleb.” Molly returned.

And then the door shut softly between them and there was the _snick_ \- _clack_ of the deadbolt again and then there was silence. And Molly was alone on a rickety landing. He turned and went down the stairs to his car. He had flyers to pick up, friends to text, and plans to make. He smiled and started the engine, pulling out of the alley and on to the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from [Calling Old Friends](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boKRp48JfOw) by Defiance, Ohio
> 
> Next chapter will be from Caleb POV and probably the chapter after that too? 
> 
> Anyway, glad you're here. Reading this thing.


	4. Walking in circles and squares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Description of unhealed burns. Not super graphic but still there.

Caleb closed the door and shut his eyes tight. A wave of vertigo that he had been fighting off had him slumping against the wall. He locked the deadbolt with one hand tried to take a deep breath. His cat hopped down from it’s unsteady perch and trotted over to the bowl of dried food tucked in the corner.

He had kept it together. He had had a conversation with a very alarming teifling and he had kept it together. It had been a polite and almost friendly conversation. Charming even.

He hadn’t scratched at the crisp white bandages that covered his forearms. He hadn’t grimaced in pain when Frumpkin had climbed up.

He wanted to sink on to the cheap linoleum and wait until the sensation of movement caught up with his physical body. He kind of wanted to throw up. The shaking wouldn’t stop.

He had been so fucking close and then he had fucked it up again. The acrid smell of smoke and failure wouldn’t leave him. It clung to him and what little he owned. Nott was probably contaminated by him too. He had smelled it on her when she had given him a hug before leaving for work. Smoke. But there was no flame, nothing inside him to spark to life. Not anymore. He had been so close.

He had seen the edges of the curse, just for moment. And just for a moment he thought that he could peel it off like a bandage. But that’s not how magic worked. And a fraction of a second later it was back strangling him just as tight as before. Burning a reminder of how trapped he was into his limbs and onto his chest.

But he had seen it.

Caleb placed the tea on the counter without a second glance. He had the book back. He would try again. There must have been some sort of mistake in his work. He would start from scratch and build the whole ritual again. He had seen what made up at least part of the curse. And he knew the magical eccentricities of the man who had placed it on him. He could extrapolate the rest. This time he would succeed. This time he would break it.

 

Several hours later, surrounded by scrawled notes and squinting in the dim light making its way through the covered window, he heard Nott’s keys in the lock. Belatedly he remembered that she had given him strict instructions to take it easy. It was too late to hide the papers and books now and pretend that he was taking a nap. The door creaked open and then creaked shut. He could make out the little hooded figure of his friend in the gloom. She turned from locking the door and the yellow glow of her eyes landed on Caleb. She narrowed her eyes, taking in the fallout from his research.

“Did you eat?” She asked.

“Ja” He had had a piece of toast for breakfast. So technically that counted.

“What time?”

“9:23”

By Nott’s expression Caleb guessed that technically wasn’t good enough. She made a show of rolling her eyes and pulled one of their battered folding chairs over to the counter, so she could climb up and check the cupboards.

“Do you want a peanut butter sandwich, we have honey. Or mac and cheese? I think we still have hot dogs.”

He didn’t want either, but Nott wouldn’t take no for an answer. He picked the one he thought she’d like more.

“Mac and cheese.” His small smile met her toothy grin. “Do you need any help?”

“Can you get the water for me?” Their kitchen was not built for some one of her size and it was difficult to move heavy pots from sink to stove.

“Ja, one moment.” Caleb attempted to tidy up his notes but ended up just piling them to sort later.

He stood and immediately had to sit back down again as black static rushed into his vision. He sat on the edge of the couch with his head between his knees trying to control the sensation with breathing. The vertigo that had been at the back of his skull, ignored, reared its head again.

“Caleb‽ Are you okay?” Nott’s voice was shrill and very close.

“I’m fine,” He managed after a few moments. “I just stood up too fast.”

Nott’s presence disappeared for a flash and returned with a glass of water.

“Are you sure?” Her voice was tight with worry. Caleb took the water gratefully and submitted to the little clawed hand feeling his forehead. “You’re a little warm. How do you feel?”

He opened his eyes and blinked at her. His vision cleared.

“I think I just need something to eat.” He told her.

The worried look didn’t leave but she nodded.

“And maybe some ibuprofen?” she asked.

But Caleb shook his head. He couldn’t. Not today. Trying to swallow pills would be impossible. There was too much waiting just under the surface. 

Nott seemed to understand, she helped him stand up and wobble to the kitchen. She turned on the lights for him. He filled the pot with water and placed it on the stove. Nott dragged their other chair in for Caleb and he sat so they could keep each other company. On her own chair, being mindful of her sleeves, Nott reached over and turned on the burner with a  _ click _ . The sound of metal expanding and water bubbling filled their little space. Nott nosed around the fridge and came up with half a packet of hot dogs.

“Do you want a carrot?” she asked, face still deep in the fridge.

“Was?”

“Jester  _ helped _ me shop for groceries yesterday.” Jester had pressed food on Nott yesterday and hadn’t been willing to take no for an answer. “We have apples too. And whatever this is.” She held up a squat yellow tuber of some sort for Caleb to identify.

“Jicama.” He said. “Kind of like a celery potato.”

He was too tired to find the Common words for a better description. Nott gave it a sniff and crammed it back in the crisper. She handed him a carrot and didn’t take one for herself. She pushed the hotdogs and almost empty jug of milk up on the counter, shoving the package of tea to the side.

“What’s this?” She grabbed it and smelled it gingerly.

“Mollymauk brought tea over.”

“Did he?” Caleb could see the gears and cogs running in Nott’s head. Trying to work out Mollymauk’s angle.

“He said ‘it was a gift for two someones who had a bad yesterday’.”

“Was he, like, weird or anything?” She wiggled her hands as a descriptor that went over Caleb’s head.

“Very weird. Frumpkin seemed to like him though.”

Nott glared at the cat currently sleeping in Caleb’s vacated spot on the couch.

“Okay then.”

They fell into a silence as Nott added the noodles and occasionally stirred the pot. Caleb stared the carrot, he had agreed to mac and cheese not carrots. But he nibbled at it to appease Nott’s unsubtle glances.  She turned off the burner and hopped off the chair to act as a spotter for Caleb. His hands were still shaking but he managed to drain off the water without issue. He placed the pot back on the stove for her and gestured to the couch.

“I’m going to…” He trailed off.

“Give me a minute, I bring you a bowl.” She caught his meaning with no problem.

Caleb shuffled back to the couch and gently lifted up Frumpkin. The cat was boneless and happy to settle back down on Caleb’s chest. The purrs were soothing, and he closed his eyes for a few seconds. Nott nudged carefully at his shoulder and offered one of the steaming bowls.

“Here.”

“Danke.”

He accepted the bowl, picking at it while Nott filled their little room with chatter. She talked about her day and how boring it had been. Jester had Wednesdays off every other week. And she talked about the new store that had opened up in the same plaza as the General and how interesting the dumpster was behind it.

“It looks like someone tried a mending spell on the laptop and completely fried it. I was going to pick it up, but the owner kept coming out to throw away this or move that. The guy must be running absolutely ragged or there’s like four of him or something. He’s really big too so I’m going to back later, at night maybe.”

Caleb let the voice of his friend wash over him, the weight of his cat keeping him grounded. A while later the words drifted off and small gentle hands were taking away the half eaten bowl of noodles. There was the sound of the fridge opening and closing.

“You have to finish that later,” She was saying as she pulled him to his feet. Cat rumbling in his free arm he let her lead him to his bed and actual sleep.

Nott had stolen his phone some time in the middle of the night and disabled the alarm clock. She had also apparently texted Xenoth with Caleb’s phone saying that he was still out sick and would hopefully be in on Saturday for his early shift. There was a scrawled note taped at around stomach height to the inside of his bedroom door. It stated that Caleb could read as long as he turned on the lamp, didn’t fall over, and ate something. The ‘ate something’ part was circled several times.

She probably would check in later to make sure he was following directions.

He ate cold noodles for breakfast and washed the dishes from last night. He was putting off what he had to do next. What he really wanted was fall right back into research. The failure on Tuesday hadn’t been as pointless as he had initially thought. He was making real progress that felt tangible. His second translation of the Ancient Sylvan book of curses felt smoother, more intuitive. He could see the importance of each component, how they built together into the end result.  And if he knew how they were built then he would learn how they could be taken apart. He had assumed too much, his approach too formulaic. These ancient curses twisted around the recipients like ivy choking a tree, forbidding growth, drawing out life. Caleb, who had learned his magic from academy book diagrams, was unfamiliar with the organic nature of this particular curse. It was almost as if it itself was alive. Adapting and defending against Caleb’s attempts to break it. But no curse was unbreakable. No matter how powerful his old teacher was. No curse was unbreakable.

Caleb turned off the water and contemplated his arms. He didn’t want to do this. He wanted to curl up on the couch with his book and papers. The edges of the bandages were damp from the washing up. And even if they weren’t he would have needed to change them anyway. He needed to put more aloe on to control the radiating heat. The itch was building deep in his skin.

Nott had helped him the first time. Carefully wrapping, flinching when he flinched. Saying sorry when she had nothing to apologize for. When it was all his fault. She was at work now. And he should have changed the bandages yesterday. Slowly he cleared away the clutter that always accumulated on their wobbly little card table. He put down some paper towel to make the process a little more sterile.

As gently as he could, his face in a permanent grimace of pain, he began peeling away the tape holding the bandage on his left arm off. He started at the damp end, the water relieving some of the adhesive. But further up the tape stuck to every hair ripping at already tender skin. He was sweating by the time the bandage was off completely. Breathing hard and trying not to throw up the breakfast he had so dutifully eaten. Not stopping to examine the left he moved on to the right arm. He should have started with his dominate arm. The shaking was worse, and his left hand felt clumsy. He wanted to rip it off fast and be done with it but didn’t out of fear of bursting fragile blisters.

Finally, he was done.

He examined his arms critically. Some of the blisters had burst but most were intact. Shiny and yellowish with the skin bordering them an angry red. The shape of the burn was unmistakable. A handprint grasping each arm. Thin strong fingers digging into his forearms. A message that Caleb was still within Ikathon’s grasp. As if the scars tracing up his arms didn’t say that enough. 

Caleb took a deep breath. No curse was unbreakable.

He smeared his arms with burn cream and bandaged them up again. It wasn’t as neat as Nott’s job, but it would do. The sound of bandages crinkling and the smell of ointment were making his head spin worst than the pain. He didn’t think about having to take them off again later. Instead he cleaned up the mess he’d made and returned to the couch and his books. Ignoring the stiffness in his hands and the panic barely covered by his shirt sleeves. 

It was a couple of hours later when his phone buzzed. Guessing that it was Nott telling him to eat lunch he let it sit for a long while. Finishing up the page he was translating. Then slipping on to the next. The first time through he had treated the almost poetic language as nothing more than a flowery addition with no purpose but to make the translators frustrated hundreds of years later. He had rushed it. But this time he was taking the words more at face value. Applying how he perceived the magical world to the idea presented that a curse was an organic thing. Living in tandem with the recipient like a parasite. Not something that could just be driven out or torn off. It was apart of him. It had been for nearly 5 years.

He checked his phone. It was not a message from Nott telling him to eat. It came up as the unknown number that he had called yesterday.

11:34 XXX-XXX-XXXX

**Hey! Its Molly! I just wanted to give you the show details**

11:35 XXX-XXX-XXXX

**Its at the Fletching and Moondrop theater on Loch dr. doors open at 7:30 but if you show up at 7;00 we can get you and Nott in for free. Jester was goingto come too if you wanted to carpool. I gave her a flyer to give to Nott so they can chatt about it~ 😊**

Caleb stared at the screen. He hadn’t forgotten about Molly’s offer. He remembered exactly what had been said. He had just shoved the part about the show to the back of his mind. Not wanting to think about it and all the social anxieties it would entail. Wanting to focus on research. Maybe he could just not respond. Let what miniscule relationship had build over the past 3 days shrivel and die. All he had to do was nothing. Ignore the texts and keep reading. He hadn’t asked Molly for kindness. He didn’t have to offer anything back. The tea sat still unopened on the counter.

Caleb stared at the screen.

It buzzed again and he nearly dropped it.

12:47 nott

**phonecall**

Did he feel capable of talking on the phone right now?

12:48 caleb

**nein**

12:48 nott

**im going to leave vm**

Caleb loved Nott dearly for giving him a choice and a warning, but he still flinched when the phone began to ring. He double checked that it was Nott calling. It was. He let it ring out. Waiting for the phone to buzz with the voicemail. Trying to force down the feelings of anxiety already bubbling at the surface.

The phone buzzed. He let it still.

He tried to focus on translating another page. All he managed was a lot of staring at the paper. 

Grabbing his phone, he navigated through to Nott’s message.

“Hi Caleb, it’s me.” There was a voice in the background. “Jester is here too. I’m calling to tell you that you need to eat more than the half a bowl of mac and cheese from this morning. Now is a very good time for lunch.” Jester’s voice again. “Jester would like me to ask if you would be interested in going to the circus-“Jester, in the background exclaiming something. “Really? Well he looks like he works at the circus. Jester would like me to ask you if you would be interested in going to the  _ theatre _ ” Caleb could imagine her mock glare at Jester as she emphasized the word ‘theatre’. “The show’s on Saturday and Beau said she’d buy popcorn and that she’d come if we did. Eat something. I’m going to be back late tonight. You can reply to this message.”

She wanted to go to the show. Caleb didn’t know the last time she had even been to a theater. It had been over a decade for him and he would have been content keeping it that way. She had been excited. He could hear it in her voice and the way she had squabbled good naturedly with Jester.  She deserved a friend. One that was excited and cheerful. One that wasn’t falling apart.

1:02 caleb

**i will come. please tell jester to let mollymauk know.**

He sent the text before he could think himself out of it and crammed his phone into the lumpy couch cushions, so he wouldn’t have to look at it. It buzzed cheerily and then buzzed again. Caleb did his best to ignore it and went back to his research.

He asleep among his papers when Nott came home that night. When he woke in the morning there was a brightly colored flyer hanging on the fridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just cram this magical curse plot point into this barely any actual college AU. Because I can. 
> 
> Chapter title is from [Circles and Squares](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9QXqAFYiE0) by We Were Promised Jetpacks
> 
> I'm at a work training next week so no chapter for a bit.


	5. Roll up your sleeves,

He was able ignore the upcoming show until Saturday. Barely leaving his place on the couch except to eat and sleep. He hadn’t managed to bring himself to remove the bandages again. Just neatening the tape and replacing the wrappings so Nott didn’t catch on. She would eventually, but for now he continue ignoring the pain of his arms and the world outside their little apartment. 

But on Saturday he had to rise early and get dressed for work. Did people dress up for the theatre? It didn’t matter. The only decent things he owned were his work clothes. Even those were patched in places. He managed a cup of instant coffee for breakfast and had decided that lunch was likely a lost cause when he saw the note taped to the front door knob. He returned to the fridge and pulled out a brown paper sack with the words ‘EAT ME’ written on it like some sort of goblin made Alice in Wonderland. He peered inside, there was two carrots, a peanut butter and honey sandwich, and a single serve bottle of cheap whiskey. He put the whiskey on the counter and the lunch bag in his satchel and left to catch the bus.

Xenoth looked grateful to have Caleb back and said nothing if Caleb looked a little haggard and a little flushed. They fell into their usual work routine. Talking only to visitors or to ask the occasional work related question. Caleb appreciated the time to steel himself for the fast approaching evening. He must have still looked shaky because Xenoth had him at the front desk instead of reshelving.  Which was probably good. It was only two and he was exhausted. His head was pounding and his eyes felt dry and hot.

He was working on the computer when a heavy bag of books hit the counter. He looked up.

“Hey man, you look like shit.”

“Hello Beauregard.” She wasn’t smiling at him, but her voice wasn’t as abrasive as it usually was. She was giving him a once over. Looking for some obvious sign of sickness or injury. She would see nothing more than the pale skin and bags under his eyes. Caleb’s arms were well hidden behind a long sleeve shirt and a sweater. Beauregard knew a lot about him but not everything and she didn’t need to know this. Not right now.

“I have a delivery for Xenoth,” she said, indicating the books. “And I’m supposed to make sure you don’t keel over on the side of the road.”

Nott had probably asked her to keep an eye on him. She was probably worried that there would be a repeat of Tuesday if he went back to the library. She didn’t have to worry. He wasn’t going to mess up again. Still it was probably good Beauregard was here. Caleb wasn’t sure he would have the willpower to make it to the General where they were all going to meet up. It would be easier just to go home. So much easier.

“So, you are coming tonight as well?” Caleb asked trying to cover, with casual conversation, the desperate need for conformation that it wouldn’t be just him and Nott and strangers. Usually Beau was sharp and could poke at whatever Caleb was trying hardest not to project. But not at the moment. Instead she leaned against the counter in an awkward trying-to-be-chill sort of way.

“Yeah, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t go to opening night at the place my girlfriend works.”

“Your Yasha works at a theater?”

Beau blushed at that but there was a smile under her words. Caleb could see that her usual smudged makeup was sharp and flawless. Her hair was in its familiar topknot but with a few braids up the sides. She was for once wearing something other than just athletic gear. Her clothes all floaty and blue.

“She’s the bouncer.”

Oh, of course Beauregard was dating a bouncer. They didn’t talk much about personal things much. Mostly not asking questions so they wouldn’t get questions in return. But Yasha’s name had started to come up more often and the way Beau was when she talked about her could only be described as warm,

“Well, I am looking forward to meeting her.” Caleb meant it. Beau was rough and abrasive at all times, but she was also rock steady in her own morals. She had helped Nott and Caleb out more than a few times and they had returned the favor. That was enough for Beau to offer the inconsiderate kindness that came along with her friendship.  

“You should be. She’s super fucking hot.” Beau glanced over her shoulder at a person waiting in line, they were looking rather uncomfortable at the involuntary eavesdropping they were committing. “Anyway, I’m going to steal some of your shitty breakroom coffee. What time are we rolling out?”

“I am off at 3:30.”

“Cool, scratch that last plan. I’m going to go take a nap in your shitty breakroom. Pass these on Xenoth?” She patted the books and sauntered off leaving Caleb to deal with the confused looking visitor behind her.

The rest of his day passed in a haze. The work mindless enough so that he could worry away at thoughts as he checked out books and placed holds. It was too hard to focus on any one thing, so he fluttered from one idea to the next. He managed to dither around until 4ish before Xenoth’s slightly exasperated stares sent him to find Beauregard.

She was slumped in the slightly better of the two very lumpy chairs. Shoulders relaxed and mouth slightly open, just a little bit of drool. Caleb strongly contemplated not waking her up. Maybe he should take the other lumpy chair and take a nap. Just wake up tomorrow and skip tonight all together. It would be easy. He was tired. Nott was very excited. She had made him lunch.

Caleb took the broom that was stashed in the corner and poked Beauregard in the arm with it. It clattered to the ground as she came awake and slapped it out his hands with pinpoint accuracy. Her eyes were at half mast, she sleepily wiped away the bit of drool from her cheek.

“S’rry man.” She blinked Caleb into focus. “What’s up?”

“It is time to be going, are you ready?”

“Course I am. I’m always ready.” She paused glancing over Caleb’s shoulder at the cheap mirror that hung by the break room door. “Just let me fix my hair.”

Beau carried his satchel for him as they slowly walked down the hill. It was cloudy but warm enough. The wind was gentle rather than piercing gusts. There had been a line at the bus stop, so they had made the unanimous decision to walk further down before trying to catch it. The walk was doing Caleb’s nerves some good, letting him focus on his feet rather than the twisting snake of worry in his stomach. They were also walking very, very slow. Partially because Caleb was exhausted and partially because every step that brought him closer to the evening was one he didn’t want to take.

“You haven’t met Jester yet right?” Beau asked as they walked past another bus stop. Empty this time but just as unappealing.

“No, but Nott has talked a lot about her.”

“Yeah I bet.” Caleb didn’t know what to make of that. “Just a heads up though, she can kind of be a lot but she’s a good listener. If you need her to back off, then tell her. Or tell me or Nott.”

Good to know. Caleb wasn’t quite sure if he was being babied or prepped for war.

“Your other roommate is coming as well?” He asked.

“Fjord? Yeah, he’ll be there. You’ll like him he’s a nerd just like you.” She playfully hip checked him and the hastily had grab him under the armpit to keep him from tumbling into the bushes.

“One of these days I’m going to get you into the dojo. Your balance fucking sucks man.” She looked almost guilty. He had to fight to keep the wince off his face.

“I’ll stop hanging out with brutes who knock poor nerds over before that happens.”

She dusted him off and readjusted the satchel slung over her shoulder.

“You good?” She asked.

“Yes, let’s go meet these weirdos.” It was said with a lot more confidence then he actual felt. Beau just laughed.

“Oh man you have no idea. You and Nott are going to fit right in.”

They continued down the hill crunching over fallen leaves. The rhythm of their steps and the continued conversation helping to shake off some of the anxiety. But still it seemed much too soon for Caleb they reached the bottom of the hill. Beau hit the crosswalk button a few times and they waited for the light to change. She checked her phone.

“We still have like almost an hour. Do you want to, like, hang out in the General? Or we could walk around? Get a coffee?”

Caleb shook his head. “I don’t think caffeine would be a good idea right now. Can we keep walking for a while?”

“Yeah, it is kind of late in the day for coffee. I’ll text Jester to let her know we’re in the plaza.”

The pair made their way past the Broad Bard General Store entrance and began slowly wandering past store fronts. Pausing at anything interesting. The plaza was comprised of a large bean shaped parking lot with a number of shops and a few restaurants bordering it. The General took up entire end of the bean. The rest of the businesses were a mishmash. There was a hardware store that looked like it had been operating non-stop since the dawn of time. A tiny salon squished between two giants of restaurants, full of light and conversation. Beau spent 20 minutes picking out some fake flowers in the craft store before carefully putting them in her backpack.

About halfway round they came across a more richly decorated shop. The exterior covered in green velvet. The sign read  _ The Invulnerable Vagrant _ in fine gold lettering. Caleb peered into the warmly lit interior. Looking for anything that could be of use. Most of the shelves or cases seemed to be filled with artefacts and wares of an indeterminate nature. But Caleb could almost taste the magic rolling off the place.

“Do you want to go in?” Beau was right next to him, nose almost pressed to the glass.

“No, I think I am good. Any place that primarily sells magical items only has overpriced books.”

“True,” She agreed. “Maybe later when there’s time to haggle.”

“Ja, I think Nott would like to come as well. She said this place had an interesting dumpster. The inside would probably be of interest to her.”

Beau snorted and shook her head.

“Did she find anything good?”

“I think so, but whatever it was disappeared into her room the moment she got home.”

“Never to be seen again.”

Beau had helped them move in some of their stuff. She had some concept of the disaster that lay behind Nott’s door. Nott’s collection was made up of things that the goblin thought would be important or useful in the future. It was largely a mystery.

They wandered on from the Invulnerable Vagrant and pass a few more shops. Beau’s phone gave a _ping,_ making Caleb start at the noise. She patted him on the shoulder and checked the message.

“Jester says her and Nott are off and we should meet them out back.”

“Okay.” The anxiety was back twisting in his gut and ‘Okay’ was about he could manage.

They made their way down a narrow alley that Caleb would not have been comfortable in alone. But Beauregard was with him, so things were a little better. Emerging out of the alley to the back of the shops they turned right back towards the General. Caleb’s shoulders were hunched but Beau didn’t say anything. She just matched his pace and gave him time to think. The sun had begun to set behind the thinning clouds, there were tinges of pink to the blue grays. He could see street lights blinking on in the distance.

An old school purple beetle came into view highlighted from the orange glow of the lamp post above. A small group people were gathered around it. Apparently talking. There was Nott, her tiny hooded form familiar and easy to pick out. She was talking easily with a blue teifling who was gesticulating enthusiastically. That was Jester. And the last figure must be Fjord. Tall and athletic looking even from a distance. He was occasionally adding something to the conversation, but mostly seemed content to laugh at the antics of the others. Jester noticed their approach and cheered.

“Finally! I thought we were going to grow beards waiting for you!” She yelled across the distance between them.

Beau yelled back. “That’s a lie. The only one here who can grow a beard is Caleb.”

Jester cackled and elbowed Fjord in the ribs. “That’s true. I’ve seen picture of you from your freshman year. Your mustache sucked.”

By the time Beau and Caleb had made it over to the group Fjord was still visibly blushing in the dimming light. But he seemed to be taking it good naturedly enough, poking fun back at Jester.

“At least I didn’t try to give myself bangs in high school.”

“Ugh, I never should have shown you guys my old myspace. I just wanted to brag about how many friends I had.”

“Asymmetrical looks are back in if you ever wanted to recreate it.” Beau threw an arm around Jester’s shoulders. “You were just ahead of your time.”

Nott came over to stand next to Caleb and he was grateful for the familiar presence. Everyone seemed to know everyone else. They were all so comfortable with each other.

“Oh yeah,” Beau indicated him with her free arm. “This is Caleb. His best features include his beard growing abilities and his cat.”

“It is nice to meet the both of-“ He trailed off at the wide grin spreading across the face of the blue teifling who was suddenly very close to him.

“Its true!” She exclaimed, “You are scruffy!”

Fjord pulled her back gently.

“No need to be rude now Jester.” He admonished her.

Caleb shook his head. “No, no. She isn’t wrong. I am very scruffy.” He hadn’t trusted his hands enough to attempt shaving the past few days and he wasn’t going to ask Nott for help with it. It was fast coming in thick, a few shades darker than his regular hair. He ran a hand over it. A little surprised at how quickly it had grown.

“You planning on growing it out?” Beau asked. Leaning against the purple car now that Jester had escaped her grasp.

Nott piped up. “It would be warmer for the winter.” That was a fair point. Caleb wasn’t sure about how much actually warmer it would be, but it would be something. Even in the mild evening he was shivering.

“Yes, then I would look like Santa Claus by midwinter.”

Beau laughed “You’d have to gain a couple hundred pounds for that dude.” She looked over at the confused looks on Jester and Fjord’s faces. “What, you’ve never heard of Santa?”

“Is that like a human thing or something?” Jester asked.

“What? No. It’s something you tell kids. Fat old elf delivers presents down the chimney?”

Fjord and Jester’s expression were both blank.

“I believe it is a more common story in the North.” Caleb offered. He had never celebrated it with his family but it was impossible to not notice the decorations on every storefront and carols playing from every radio station.

“So, some old fat guy goes around giving presents on people’s roofs?” Jester looked highly skeptical. Like they were playing  prank on her. “How does he get up there in the first place?”

“He, uh, drives a magic sleigh?” Jester looked even more confused as Beau tried to explain. “It’s just a myth. An excuse to give each other presents at midwinter.”

“Well it’s a weird myth. Why can’t you just give people stuff? Why do you need some old guy to do it?”

Caleb looked at Fjord over the heads of the arguing girls. He shrugged as if to say, ‘this happens all the time’. Caleb found he was able to smile back at the other man. The argument was playful nonsense between friends. Nobody was focused on Caleb.

“I have no idea! It’s just a story Jester! That parents tell their kids to make them be good for the season!”

“That’s even creepier!” Jester was practically yelling.

“I’m with Jester. I don’t want some sweaty old man breaking into my place.” Nott chimed in. Caleb was positive she knew who Santa was, their first midwinter together he had often caught her looking into shop windows at the red and green displays of toys with a wistful look on her face. He had felt a deep melancholy for her then. 

He was pretty sure she was just fucking with Beau now.  

“Sweaty? Why is he sweaty now?” Beau was starting to look confused now too.

“He’s old and you said he had to go down chimney. Of course he’s sweaty.”  Jester and Nott were now ganging up on Beau.

“UHG, he’s not sweaty.”

“How on earth is he not sweaty. Going up and down chimneys and doing all that manual labor?”

“I don’t know! It’s magic or something. He’s supposed to be jolly and full of cheer.”

“I don’t trust him.”

“Me neither. But I bet between the two of us we could take him on.” Jester struck a mock fighting pose, wobbling slightly, and Nott mimicked her.

Fjord broke in laughing. “I’m sure he’d be no match for either of you two, but if we want to get something to eat before the show, we should probably leave now.”

Jester conceded to that. “We can make battle plans over dinner! Where do we want to eat?” She was already bounding to her car. “And who gets shotgun?”

“Fjord’s got the longest legs” Beau pointed out. He had a good couple of inches over Caleb.

“If ya’ll don’t mind?

Caleb waved his hand to show it was fine. He didn’t want to be the main focus of Jester’s stream of conversation anyway. There was less of a chance of that if he stayed out of sight in the back seat. Although the back seat turned out to be just as much of a nightmare as the front. The beetle seated 4 persons. Two in the front and two in the back. As soon as he slid into the back seat behind the drivers side he felt very much trapped. Beauregard slid in next to him and the feeling intensified. Nott peered in after her.

“Beau, I’m sitting on your lap.” She declared.

“What? Why me. Sit on Caleb.”

“You’re more comfortable.” The little goblin was already scrambling in, settling on Beau’s lap with her back against the window. She rested her feet against Caleb’s leg and the weight was grounding. It wasn’t as good as Frumpkin, but Frumpkin couldn’t be here right now. He knew that if he asked her Nott would move, and the choice was comforting.

“Dude, how much do you even weigh?” Beauregard had no other choice but to hug the goblin in her lap, to keep Nott at least somewhat secured as Jester started up the car and practically floored it to the parking lot entrance and out onto the road.

“I don’t know, like, 30 something.” They screeched to a stop as a traffic light turned red. Caleb had to brace against the seat in front of him, arms burning in protest. Beau now had a death grip on Nott. Jester craned around in her seat and stared at Nott, eyes wide.

“We are going to eat so much food tonight.” She looked at the rest of them. “Do we want to get dumplings or burritos?”

“Light’s green Jester.” Fjord managed before they were shooting off again. “And just a suggestion, we are technically breaking the law here without a seatbelt for Nott. Maybe drive a little more carefully.”

Jester huffed. “I am a very good driver, technically,” And she was. Technically. She checked her blind spot before changing lanes, went almost exactly the speed limit, and gave plenty of room to the car in front of them. She was just incredibly enthusiastic about it. They took a turn at high speed and Caleb was squashed against Beau and Nott. Fjord had a white knuckled grip on his seatbelt.

“So, what do we want to eat? Dumplings or burritos or something else?” Jester asked again. Seemingly unaware of the state of the passengers.

“Fuck it, my votes for burritos.” Beau said, one leg braced against the seat in front to keep from sliding along the bench.

“Dumplings.” Nott called out. She was Beau’s arm so fiercely Caleb could see where her claws were digging in.

“I’d go for dumplings as well.” Fjord seconded.

Eyes were on Caleb now, he very much wanted to sink into his seat and out of sight. The casual conversation he had barely added too, but at least had been apart of earlier, had been left behind in a cloud of dust.

“I defer to the group.” He said quietly. Beau groaned and probably would have tried to sock him in the arm if she hadn’t been trying to keep Nott from flying into the front seat.

“Come on man. We humans have to stick together.”

“For burritos?”

“Yeah for burritos.” She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but Caleb could see her trying not to smile. Although it might have been a grimace as Jester braked hard for a stop sign and then floored it again.

“It doesn’t matter Beau,” Jester called from the front. “I totally wanted dumplings too. Your vote means nothing.”

“Fine!” Beau yelled back. “A dumpling is like a tiny burrito anyway.”

The conversation devolved again from there as the rest of the car discussed where the lines were drawn between both food types. Even Nott was joining in. Comfortable enough with Beau, Jester, and him around to talk openly with Fjord, the stranger, in the car. At least he thought Fjord was a stranger. Nott had never talked about him before. There were stories about Jester whenever Nott got home from work; so, Caleb might not have known her, but he knew a lot of what to expect. And Beau was Beau. If not always the best at being friendly, she was at least familiar. And probably fond of Nott at least.

Jester practically drifted into an open parking spot along the curb and had already unbuckled and popped out of the car before anyone else had realized they had survived the trip.

“Come on you guys! I’m starving!” She was practically singing. Dancing her way towards a restaurant with red painted walls and a cheering neon sign blinking on the outside. A line of people was spilling out the door and on to the sidewalk. Jester joined them and immediately started chatting with the group in front of her.

Fjord made a sound that might have been a groan. “Please tell me I’m not the only one feeling car sick.”

Caleb had felt like vomiting since the morning, but motion sickness seemed like a good excuse.

“Does she always drive like that?” Nott asked dazedly from Beaus arms. Neither seemed capable of letting go of the other for the moment.

Beau and Fjord answered in unison. “Always.”

“I would very much like to get out of the car now.” Caleb’s voice was very small. Fjord shot a quick glance back at them and was then getting out of the car. He leaned the seat forward and accepted the handful of goblin Beau passed him. She lithely exited next leaving Caleb to clamber out like some very rattled crab. They all stood for a moment and breathed the fresh air. Caleb felt horribly wobbly, he crammed his hands in his pockets to hide their shaking.

“You alright there, bud?” Beau asked him. She didn’t look so hot herself. Her face a little wan under her makeup.

“Ja, I’m great.” Caleb put zero effort in to making that sound convincing. “Shall we get dumplings?”

The line was long enough that everyone seemed to settle by the time they reached the order counter. Caleb was sure that he wouldn’t be hungry even if he had walked all the way here. Anxiety born nausea gripped him from the core. The quick moving conversation, the press of the crowd in the narrow shop. His head was pounding and the itch of heat was crawling up his neck. He had hoped that his hands would stop shaking once he was out of the car in to the fresh air but if anything it was getting worse. His hands felt weak and his eyes felt hot. He desperately wanted to be home with Frumpkin and his books. Away from everything that was this. He had managed to be social for less than 20 minutes but he was ready to be done.

Nott tugged on his sleeve. “What are you going to get?” She was staring hard at the menu board. The two of them almost never ate out, it was too expensive. But Jester had paid for the groceries this week and the dumplings were cheap. This was an affordable treat and Nott looked thrilled about it.

Caleb blinked, he had been looking at the board but not taking in any information. “I have not decided yet. What were you thinking?”

“I can’t decide between the beef with sour cream or the potato and bacon.”

Even if Caleb could focus on the menu, there was no way he could have made a decision. “Let’s get both. Ja? Then we can share.” He offered, exceptionally glad she was here with him. He could see her crinkly smile from underneath the mask.

“Perfect!”

They reached the front of the line and Caleb placed their order as Nott peered over the counter. He carefully counted out the money and handed Nott several copper pieces for the tip jar. She had to stretch to get them in, but she was practically humming as they moved to the side to wait for their order.

Fjord sidled up to them, already holding a takeout container. “Do we want to eat inside or find a spot outside?” He had to shout slightly to be heard over the clamor. “My votes for outside, it’s way too crowded in here.”

Both Nott and Caleb agreed with him and he moved off to let Beau and Jester know. A few minutes later they all gathered at one of the plastic tables that were scattered on sidewalk under cheap heat lamps. They had to pull a few extra chairs over to make sure everyone fit but soon everyone was settled. Steam rose in the cold air as thick as smoke. Caleb passed one of the containers to Nott and opened his own. It smelled good, but he couldn’t bring himself to do more than pick at the perogies, occasionally trading with Nott so she could try both. Beau offered some of hers.

“Tradesies? I wanted to try the bacon ones.”

Nott shoved over the dumplings and took Beau’s in return. She sniffed at them. “What type did you get?”

“Cheese and curry. Careful they’re like molten lava.”

Nott nibbled at one and brightened. “These are really good too! You should try it Caleb.”

He reluctantly took one. Jester reached over with her fork.

“Can I try one too Beau?”

“Yeah, fuck it. Let’s just have a dumpling potluck. Fjord what type did you get?”

They all passed around their orders. Nott carefully avoided Fjord’s piled high with green onions and gave Jester’s a careful smell before trying the sweet looking monstrosity. She was more open around these people. Her mask down and her eyes focused on those around the table rather than who could be lurking in the shadows. Caleb should have known since the first time Nott came home from work talking about this ‘weird blue lady’. These were friends and Nott was happy. Caleb was content to sit back and listen to everyone talk. 

Beau, Jester, and Fjord were all comparing finals horror stories.

Beau, he knew already, was in a few political science courses. But he wasn’t quite sure if that was a front or not for her work with the monks. She seemed to be invested in her studies enough to complain about them at the very least. Jester was taking a mess of art, psychology, and pre-med courses. Caleb wasn’t sure where she was going with it, but she seemed to be having a great time. And Fjord. Fjord was taking all sorts of magical theory and applications courses. The thought of which made Caleb’s hands itch, his forearms still angry reminders.

“Are you two taking any courses? Fjord asked, politely involving Nott and Caleb in the conversation. Caleb wished he wouldn’t but answered anyway.

“No,” he shook his head. “I am just working in the library.”

Nott waved her fork dismissively. “I’m enrolled in some online classes, nothing too exciting. CompSci stuff.”

Officially Nott was enrolled in 3 classes. Unofficially she had managed to get access to the class materials for all of the online courses and most of the student and staff data. The cyber security at the college apparently sucked. 

“Ugh, can we talk about something other than school. I just got the taste of finals coffee out of my mouth.” Beau groaned waving her fork at the group. 

“Ooh we can talk about all the cool places we’re gonna stop on our super exciting road trip!” 

Judging by the expression that flickered over Beau and Fjord’s faces exciting might not have been the right word. 

“Oh where are you headed too?” Nott either had missed the look or didn’t care about the discomfort. It was Fjord who spoke up. 

“Port Damali. A family friend offered to sell their old pick-up to me cheap and now is as good a time as any to pick it up. Jester here offered to drive me down and Beau’s coming a long to keep her company on the ride back.”

“We’re going to have so much fun you guys.”

“Yeah. It’s going to be a time.” Beau’s look of resignation faltered slightly in the glow of Jester’s beaming smile.

“We should really have a talk about what music we’re going to listen to! I have so many playlist ideas.” 

Fjord’s smile was somewhere between endearment and a grimace.

They sat and chatted for another half an hour until the piles of perogies had dwindled to empty take out containers with smears of sauce.  Fjord glanced at his watch.

“We should probably get moving if we want to get in for free. Molly said 7 o’clock right?

“Yes!” Jester popped up and began gathering up the mess on the table, taking it over to a nearby trash can. “Do we want to walk over? It’s pretty close to here. Or should I driv-“

“Walk.” Beau cut her off. “Let’s walk. You know stretch our legs a little. Enjoy the night air.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from [Roll Up Your Sleeves](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUFBl9Ouk4E) by We Were Promised Jetpacks. 
> 
> Truckin' along! I am 1000% sure there isn't going to classic hero's journey in this fic. More of a collective figuring out of shit and growing as people. Either way I'm glad you're here.


	6. At 11:11 every night

Nott let a shiver of anticipation run through her. It might have been the fast cooling evening. Looking up in the shadows between street lights she could see the stars twinkling in unison with the glittering frost that was forming on car windows. With her mask down she could see her breath billowing up and up and up.

“Ooh you look like the littlest dragon ever!” Jester was practically skipping alongside her.

Nott puffed out another billowing cloud of breath to Jester’s delight. The taller girl waved her hand through it and they watched it swirl briefly before dissipating.

“I wish I could do that” Jester let out a puff and nothing seemed to happen. She pouted.

“Are you like undead or something?” Nott asked. It was a valid question but Jester just laughed at her.   

“No, I’m super cool like that.” She shook her head a little to set the jewelry on her horns jingling. “It’s a teifling thing. We’re like really really awesome when it comes to temperature. See-”

She swept one hand under Nott’s uneven bangs and pressed an ice cold hand to her forehead. Nott yelped and jumped back away. Jester laughed and wiggled her fingers.

“You should try holding Molly’s hand. He’s like the opposite of me.”

Nott wrinkled her nose at Jester. “I think I’ll take your word for it”  

As Jester continued to chatter at her Nott looked back to where Caleb was walking between Beau and Fjord. His eyes were on the ground but he said something to Beau that made the other human laugh. Good. He was doing good. Better. She hadn’t missed how little he had eaten at dinner but that was okay. She could slip a snack into his pocket later. It was very cold out and she could him shivering into his coat. She would have to find him another few layers. Winter was almost upon them and neither of them had much in the way of natural insulation. They needed more blankets as well. Their little apartment was full of drafts. 

“Ooh, there it is!” Jester’s voice cut through Nott’s musings. She followed where the Jester was pointing across the street. The exterior of the little building was lit up with twinkling multi-colored lights bathing the surrounding sidewalk with a rainbow wash. A boldly painted sign announced the opening night of the ‘FLETCHING AND MOONDROP CARNIVAL OF CURIOSITIES’

Nott shivered again. She was excited about the show, it would be fun to watch a performance from a seat rather than a glimpse through a window or peering through curtains. Jester had said it would be really really amazing. 

“Come on, come on!” Jester took Nott’s hand and looking both ways pulled her across the street. “I’ll give Molly a call to let him know we’re here- oh wait. There’s Yasha!”

Jester let go of her hand to wave enthusiastically at the most intimidating individual Nott had ever seen. Yasha unlocked the door and stepped outside to greet them. Nott couldn’t help but shrink behind Jester’s skirts. Towering over the two of them, black and white hair wild and untamed, strong arms fully capable of ripping Nott’s head off. Mismatched eyes piercing into Nott’s very soul. The sound of footsteps indicated the arrival of the rest of the party. Little claws grabbed into loose blue fabric.

“You didn’t tell me your girlfriend was fucking terrifying” Nott hissed up at Beau.

“Yeah I did. I told you guys she was super hot.”  Beau pulled her pants leg free and continued up to Yasha. “Hey babe, these reminded me of you.” She pulled a collection of silk flowers out of her bag, which were admittedly nice but completely beside the point.

“Beau, that’s not the same thing! Beau!” But the other girl had already moved on. Standing on tiptoe to plant a very quick kiss on Yasha’s cheek before rushing inside to avoid the embarrassment of the the display of affection. Yasha just looked down at all of them and the light blush spreading across her face made Nott feel a little better. Not better enough to come out from behind Jester or to stop clutching at the fabric of the skirt when Caleb went up to introduce himself very politely. He turned to look over at her and saw her still hiding.

“And this is my friend Nott.”

“You’re very large” Nott didn’t so much as find her words as let them fall out of her mouth.

Yasha nodded “I am” She made eye contact with Nott but surprisingly it didn’t make Nott feel any smaller. “If you all want to come inside I can show you around.”

And like that they all followed her inside and let her lock the door behind. The walls were covered with faded red fabric and the carpet was worn with years of many feet following the same path but Nott couldn’t help but look around in wonder. Posters of past shows and headshots of performers lined the walls. The air smelled of popcorn and decorations glimmered and shown with a light that made Nott’s fingers itch. 

A grounding hand landed on her shoulder and Caleb leaned down by her ear. 

“I think we are fine for now but perhaps you should keep your mask on when the doors open.”

“Yes. Right, of course.” She had almost forgotten, all caught up in the newness. She pulled at it a bit to make sure it was still firmly around her neck. 

“Nott, come on! Yasha’s going to show us the dressing room.” If there was anywhere in this building with a lot of lovely baubles ready for the taking it would be the dressing room. Caleb’s hand gave her a light push on her back and she scuttled to catch up with Jester. Yasha held open an inconspicuous side door.

“Go on through, first door on the left. Molly’s just finishing up his makeup.”

Jester bounded ahead, calling over her shoulder. “Ooh is he performing tonight?” 

Yasha just snorted “No, he just likes the makeup.” 

Nott took the opportunity to dart past and into the hallway beyond. Jester was at the door drumming on it with an enthusiastic knock. It was open and creaked open under Jesters fists and Nott could see into the colorful chaos beyond. Racks of clothing were crammed into smallish room. Along one wall mirrors and lights were set along bench. Pots of makeup and various other accessories. And right there sitting right in the middle of all of it was Mollymauk sitting on a folding chair. Just as colorful and chaotic as the rest of it. He looked more exciting then the last time she had seen him. There were more shinies on his horns and jewelry on ears and face. The makeup around his eyes glittered and sparkled. 

“Fantastic! Did you all make it okay?” He grinned at them and patted the seat next to him. Jester wasted no time in settling in and getting her hands on the makeup scattered along the bench.

“Yes! We all met up and I drove because the Lollipop is finally fixed and we got dumplings and they were soooo good! Is it alright if I use this?” Jester said everything in one breath and waved a tube of lipstick at Molly.

“That’s the twins’ but you can use anything out of this.” He shoved a bag filled to bursting over towards the other tiefling and Jester squealed with delight. 

She looked over to where Nott was still hovering near the door. Not sure where to move or what to touch. She wanted to touch all of it. Especially the costume jewelry hanging on hooks and filling a few bins. But she could also see Molly’s red eyes looking at her through the mirror.

“Nott! Do you want me to do your makeup?” With Jester’s voice Nott broke eye contact and tried to find something interesting in the carpet pattern. Makeup was for creatures who could wear it and Nott was a goblin.It was easy to see yourself in a room with such large mirrors. Her stomach was tangling into ball of string.

“Oh, n-no. That’s okay. It would look all wrong anyway.”  The carpet was fraying and split by the door. Nott wondered if she pulled at the loose strings if it would all come apart all the way.  

“Oh” Nott didn’t look up even though Jester’s voice was much quieter than normal. “Well, um. Do you want to do my makeup?”

“I wouldn’t be any good at it.” 

“Oh shush,” blue hands guided her up onto one of the chairs. “I’ll show you what to do. Here, pick out like three colors.” 

Jester flipped open a black case to reveal jewel bright circles of makeup. Some were matte and others glimmered with added shine. Nott was entranced.

“Only three?”

Both Jester and Molly laughed at that but Nott was serious. There so many options.

“Okay okay. As many as you want.”

“You two have fun. I’m going to say hello to everyone else.” Molly slipped out of the room and left Nott to consider her canvas. 

“Alright how do I get this on your face.”

Ten minutes later when Nott was satisfied with her work the two of them joined the others in the hall.

“Dude, it looks like you got punched in the face by a rainbow.”

“Doesn’t it! Nott did a super amazing job”

Nott couldn’t help but glow a little at Jester’s words. She did look pretty amazing. Nott hadn’t quite understood what Jester had been explaining about face shape and color theory so she had just put what she liked best where it would look best. The end result was a kaleidoscope all over Jester’s eyes. Nott had even gotten a bit fancy and added some glitter to the eyebrows. It was an excellent look. 

“The lack of symmetry is a… interesting choice.”

“Isn’t it though Fjord? It’s such a look.” 

Nott slipped into the space between Beau and Caleb and gave his coat a gentle tug.

“What do you think of it Caleb?”

He smiled down at her and she could see it went all the way to eyes.

“It is very bright.”

Nott smiled back. It was very bright wasn’t it. 

A door opened at the end of the hall and an elvish man with long blond gray hair and comparatively boring looking makeup stuck his head out. 

“Ah there you two are! Yasha I need you up front. Looks like we’ve got a pretty good crowd already. Molly, you’re on card duty.”

“Card duty it is then. You lot can go find some seats, I recommend front and center but take your pick!” Molly gave a salute to the man at the end of the hall and pushed himself off where he had been leaning against the wall across from Caleb. 

“Can we save you two a seat?” Jester asked as Molly moved towards the lobby with Yasha in tow.

“That would be lovely! Yasha has to stay by the emergency exit but I’ll sit where ever you all end up.” He called over his shoulder.

"Well," Fjord said looking towards the pair's retreating backs. "Shall we find some seats?"

“Come on! Come on! We have to pick the very best ones!” Jester grabbed Nott’s hand and began pulling her towards the auditorium doors. “We should sit right in the very front so nobody can block your view Nott.”

“O-oh okay!” Nott let herself get pulled along. Let the excitement grow.

The Fletching and Moondrop was a black box theatre. The seats designed in a U shape for the nights performance. They ran around to all of the front row seats to test them out and ultimately decided on front and center. 

“These will be prefect! We’ll be right in the action! How many seats do we need to save?” Jester counted on her fingers. “Six?”

“Just four, me and Caleb are going to sit over with Yasha.” Beau piped up, jerking a thumb over to where seats were lined up next to the green glow of the exit sign. 

“Maybe I should sit over there with you Caleb.” Nott didn’t want to look at Jester’s face as she said that so she just stared hard at Caleb. He smiled though, and shook his head.

“You sit with Jester. I’ll be fine with Beau, I’m just feeling a little stuffy that’s all.” Nott nodded in agreement but stared a little harder. He did look a little peaky, skin paler than usual, holding his arms at a stiff angle. She’d be sure to get a look at the burns next time he changed the bandages. He’d been doing it while she was at work the last few times but she’d pester him until he let her help. 

“Beau, you promised to buy popcorn!” Jester’s voice pulled Nott back into the moment.

“Yeah, yeah. Show of hands who wants some?”

By the time Beau had returned, arms full of crinkly bags, the seats had begun to fill up. The press of people enough for Nott to raise her mask and pull her hood up against the unfamiliar eyes. She could see Jester and Fjord looking at her from the corner of her eye but neither said anything about it. Nott took her bag of popcorn and settled between Jester and the empty seat they were saving for Molly.

“Do you want to take a selfie?” Jester’s question was pure excitement. The other girl was already digging around her bag for her phone. 

“Oh, umm…” Nott had never taken a selfie in her life and didn’t particularly want to start now. 

“I don’t have to post it anywhere. I just am having such a fun time and I want to remember tonight!” She couldn’t argue with that or with Jester’s big imploring eyes.

“O-okay I guess. As long as you don’t post it.” Nott took a quick swig from her little ‘very rough, very functional’ flask.

Jester’s excitement was infectious and helped wash away just a little bit of the self-consciousness. They spent the few minutes taking increasingly sillier and sillier pictures. Eventually roping Fjord it to capture some of the more dramatic poses. Beau was laughing herself silly and their antics even got a smile out of Caleb. Well worth the trouble. 

The house lights pulsed twice, setting off a flurry of movement as folk hurried to find their seats. A hush of anticipation rippled across the room. Caleb gave he one last wave in the gloom and a whispered a small “enjoy the show Nott” before following Beau over to the exit seats. 

Nott shivered again. This was exciting. This was wonderful. Under her mask she couldn’t help but smile big and wide. 

The lights thinned to an erie blue as the sound of a lone fiddle filled the room. The last murmurs of the crowd faded away and attention was drawn to the center of the performance space where the elvish man from before was standing with his arms open wide.

“Ladies and gentlemen of Trostenwald, I am Carnival Master Gustav Fletching, and allow me to welcome you to the Fletching and Moondrop’s Traveling Carnival of Curiosities.”

Molly slipped into the seat in between her and Fjord with a smile on his face and a finger to his lips. He winked at her and gestured back towards the performance.  

“I ask you, each and every one of you grant us your imaginations this eve but a trifle bit of time, and allow us to reveal a realm of laughter, mystery, danger, and beauty.” The Carnival Master swept to the side, disappearing into the dark. The show started again with the sound of a fiddle.  

The show was less about being a circus and more about being a circus performance. The thrill and color of the space lending to the deep dark of the story they were telling. Serpentine sisters of the Fey crawling and twisting from a magical depth into the light of the modern day world. Magic spilling out with them in the form out arcane beasts and chaotic energy. Imbuing an everyday half-orc man with the strength to fight monsters, Bo who became Bo the Breaker. Going from listless to proud and defiant in the face of drama and danger. Toya the little dwarvish girl, cast aside and forgotten, becoming the voice of peace and hope through her music. And Ornna with the dark skin and yellow eyes alive with the fire imbued within her by a fairy queen.

It was much more artistic than Nott was expecting. The story and the spectacle pulling her along with it. Jester beside her gasping and clapping at all the right moments. It was easy to forget the press of the crowd when she felt like she was a part of it. The audience on the very same journey as she was through the night. Multicolored lights playing across their faces the drama of the music washing over them.

She whooped at Bo’s feats of strength and shared a pack of tissues with Jester during Toya’s song. Ornna’s fire dancing lit up the every corner of the room and Nott couldn’t help be captivated by the dancing flame and twinkling sparks. Only the eruption of applause broke the spell and she felt unease creep up into her chest. 

Nott had been so caught up in Orna’s performance that the she didn’t think to look back until the lights had dimmed and the set change had begun. Fire. How could she have not even noticed? The smell of smoke and kerosene hung in the air and when she looked over at the emergency exit Caleb was nowhere in sight. The unease was close to blooming into true panic. But then she noticed, Beau’s seat was empty too. Yasha now alone looked unworried, scanning the crowd as calm as ever.  

That was okay then if Beau was with him. 

Nott was surprised as the thought crossed her mind. And even more surprised when, after thinking about it for a moment, found she still agreed with it. They had known the monk for almost 8 months and even if she wasn’t the most pleasant person but she had proved herself to be a good person. He would be fine. Beau was with him.

That being said it was much harder to sit through the final few acts and not fidget. She watched the door out of the corner of her eye hoping that she’d see the two humans sneaking back to their seats. No such luck. It was okay, he was okay. 

The moment the cast took their final bow and the lights came up Nott was out of her seat and darting through the crowd. She heard Jester call out something behind her but paid it no mind. She slipped into the lobby and out of the stream of people making for the bathrooms or the exit. She craned her neck looking around for a glimpse of copper hair or blue cloth. There, over on the bench tucked in by the concession stand. Beau sitting in a relaxed slump, chatting with Caleb. His eyes were closed and the wall seemed to be supporting him entirely but he was talking too. Beau noticed her first and gave a wave.

“Hey Nott, enjoy the show?” Her voice was just loud enough to carry over the crowd. Caleb’s eyes cracked open and he struggled to sit up a little straighter. Nott hurried over. 

“It was good. More artsy than I was expecting. Still good. Are you okay Caleb?” She brushed over the pleasantries, eyes focused on her boy. Beau didn’t seem to mind. Caleb gave her a smile. The small one that meant he was indulging her and her worry. He was not okay and they should go home. 

“Ja, I am fine it was just a bit much in there.” They should definitely go home as soon as possible. Nott looked around for Jester but couldn’t see the beacon of blue among the crowd.

“Do you want to catch a bus home or something?” It was too far to walk but the buses ran late. Not that they were a particularly good option. Crowded full of rowdy drunks this time of night, looking to start trouble with anything they could find issue with. And goblins were easy to find issue with. 

“I’m sure Jester will give you guys a ride home.” Beau said frowning. But that wouldn’t work either. Nott had seen Caleb’s face on the ride over, the tension pouring off him. 

He clearly felt strongly enough about it to speak up.

“The dumplings for dinner were good but I do not think I want to meet them again.”  His voice was rough. Nott inched closer to him. It was hard to tell in such a public environment but she thought she could smell something off. The beginnings of infection, the edge of sickness. 

They could make the buses work. Or maybe they could ask Jester to drive extra super slow. Worst case they could walk. It was only a few miles. It wasn’t raining. The cold wasn’t too bad. They could walk.  

“I was gonna crash with Yasha tonight. Let me see if she has the seats in in her van and she can give you two a ride.” Beau pulled out her phone and sent a quick text. It buzzed a moment later. “Yeah, she’s cool with it.”

Or they could do that.

“Danke.”

“No problem man.”

With nothing left to do but wait and worry, Nott climbed up on the seat between Beau and Caleb. He did smell sick and he felt warmer than usual. Something was wrong and she had a pretty good guess on what. She couldn’t do anything about it right now. So she waited. It took Jester and Fjord another few minutes to find them.  

Wading through the thinning crowd, Jester brightened and waved enthusiastically even though they were only a few yards apart. 

“There you guys are! You ran off so fast Nott, I thought you had to pee really bad or something.” 

“Oh, um. Yes” Nott winced. Lying probably wasn’t necessary at the moment but the words got a head of her brain. Jester just kept smiling and tilted her head. 

“I’ve already said goodbye to Molly so I’m good to go whenever you guys are!”

“Actually Jes, Nott and Caleb are going to hitch a ride with me and Yasha. They live pretty close.” Beau spoke up like it was no big deal. 

“Ooh are you and Yasha having a sleepover Beau?” Jester didn’t seem to mind at all. She was too busy wiggling her eyebrows at Beau. Who just smirked in response. 

“Yeah, we’re having a sleepover.”

Jester whooped, drawing the attention of the few remaining members of the audience, before swooping down on Nott and wrapping her in a hug.

“This was really super fun and we should do it more often when I get back from my road trip.”

Nott managed a hug back. “I’d like that. We can make plans.” She really really meant it. 

Jester hugged for just a little bit longer and then finally stood up.

“Caleb it was nice to meet you even if you are really scruffy.” That almost got a smile from Caleb. His eyes crinkled up just a little at the corners. 

“It was nice to meet you too Jester. You’re just as blue as Nott said you’d be.”

Jester giggled and gave an exaggerated curtsy before throwing her arms around Beau and planting a kiss on the other girl’s cheek. Beau took it with good graces, patting Jester on the back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. We can finish packing.”

“And making a playlist!”

“And making a playlist. Good night Jester, night Fjord.”

“Night Beau, it was nice meeting you two.” Fjord nodded at Nott and Caleb.

“You as well” Caleb might have sounded genuine. Mostly he looked like he crawl into a hole and sleep for a week. But Fjord smiled with something that might have been an understanding. Jester gave another kiss on Beau’s cheek and another wave to everyone else and pulled Fjord to the door. 

The three on the bench just sat in silence for a few minutes as the theatre emptied out completely. The quiet settling over them for the first time in hours. Beau sat, reclining, scrolling through her phone. Caleb sat with his eyes closed. And Nott sat watching both of them. 

“Yasha said it’ll be like another 10 minutes. She’s helping clean up.” 

Caleb grunted in response but didn’t open his eyes. Beau looked at him and then to Nott, eyebrows raised in either confusion or concern. Nott didn’t have any answers she was willing to give or any solutions so she just shrugged. Beau’s expression solidified into definite concern and she looked like she was about to say something when a voice interrupted the quiet.

“Hey are you three still here?”

Nott started and was almost ready to hide under the bench when she recognized the voice as Mollymauk’s. He was walking towards them with an armful of what looked like costumes from the show. 

“I’m crashing with Yasha and these two are bumming a ride.” 

Molly shifted the laundry to one cocked hip and smiled. “Looked like they were almost finished up. We’ve got a matinee tomorrow so I’m stuck here with this lot.” He gestured to the laundry and even as he kept chatting on Nott could smell the stench of kerosene wafting off of the red and gold sequins of Orna’s costume. She could feel Caleb stiffen beside her. Beau and Molly didn’t notice, they kept talking. He was holding his hands together in an effort to hide the worsening shakes. White knuckled and unsuccessful. She missed the rest of the conversation watching him. It was a relief when Molly finally gave them a smile and a nod.

“Well, goodnight all. We’ve got a show tomorrow and this laundry won’t do itself. Nice to see you two again. Beau, adequate as always.”

“Fuck you too Molly.”

“Goodnight” Nott managed a squeak. Why wouldn’t he just leave already.

“Gute Nacht” Caleb opened blurry eyes but did not look at anyone.

Nott could see Molly watching with his red eyes, frowning, but not saying anything.

“See you in a bit Beau.” He smiled at the human but it was more baring his teeth than anything pleasant.

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” She made a show of rolling her eyes and flipping the strange teifling off but as soon as Molly turned around and made his way out of the lobby her attention was back on Caleb.

“Seriously man, are you okay? Is he okay?” She was looking between the two of them.

“It has been a very long day and I would very much like to go home.” His words were soft and grating.

“Yeah I get that. But are you okay?”

She didn’t get a response. Beau focused in on Nott, one eyebrow raised.

“He’s just tired really. First day back at work and all that.” Nott moved to explain but the other girl narrowed her eyes.

“Yeah, the guy who never takes sick days. What did you say you had again Caleb?” This is how Beau cared for people. By interrogating them.

“The flu.” Caleb offered nothing else.

“The flu?-” Beau was cut off as her phone buzzed. She angrily tapped at it to read the message. “Yasha says she’s warming up her van out back.” 

She stood and the angry expression slipped back into concern as Caleb stood as well. Both her and Nott watched, ready to steady as Caleb swayed. Beau sighed and seemed to deflate a little. 

“Come on, let’s get you two home.”

Yasha’s van was big and black and terrifying but the seats in the back were comfy and the heat was turned way up. Soft late night rock music played over the radio and mingled with the quiet conversation from the two girls in the front. Nott only half listened to them, focusing most of her attention on her boy. Caleb’s eyes were open watching the lights flicker past. In the occasional flash of orange light his face looked sunken and waxy. In the confines of the car the smell of sickness was more defined. By the way Yasha kept glancing back at them in the rearview mirror Nott thought that maybe she could smell it too. Caleb needed to be home. He had needed to be home hours ago. 

The ride stretched on. Until finally, finally, Yasha pulled into their alley. 

“Y’all need any help up?” Beau twisted around fully in her seat to look at Nott already scrambling at the van door and Caleb struggling with his seat belt. Nott chanced a look at Caleb. They were almost home.

“We’re okay. Goodnight.” She hopped out of the van and waited for a much slower Caleb to climb out as well. 

“‘Night.” Beau’s eyes followed them both. 

Caleb managed a mumble and a wave which was at least something. Nott slammed the door shut with a hop and followed Caleb up the stairs. He had to pause halfway up to gather strength but he made it. Moving like an automaton he fished around in his pockets for his keys and pressed his forehead against the door for support as he made to unlock it.   

Nott looked down into the alley where the black van was still idling. She could see Beau peering up at them through the windshield. There was the click of the lock and a grunt of success from Caleb. She gave the waiting human a small wave goodnight and disappeared into the dark of the apartment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nott! Best mom!
> 
> I'm having a bit of a struggle with the next chapter so it might be a hot minute. 
> 
> Chapter title is from [Condition 11:11](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfl_0yQgF6M) by Defiance, Ohio


	7. Right foot, followed by your left foot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a break because I needed a break!
> 
> That said, this chapter was super fun to write. So enjoy this Beau flashback.

Condensation from the early spring rain was fogging up the windows. Damp jackets and hair making the room muggy and even more unbearable than it already was.

Beau leaned against the wall, arms crossed, settled in the shadows. Her mostly empty backpack pressing into her back. She had a good view from here. Looking out over the crowd of shady assholes who had gathered for this dumb auction. She resisted the urge to check her phone and instead stared out at the slowly filling room. You would think that for that value of some of these items the fucks putting on this whole event could afford a better venue than a seedy coffee shop that was closed for the night. Beau supposed it wasn’t a bad move. Who looked for black market magic auctions in an unremarkable dump like this?

Mentally, she went over the list of items Dairon had given her. Buy out right if possible, keep track of the buyer if not. They could always steal anything that was too dangerous and in the wrong hands later. It was mostly spell books this time. Which was fine, they had the best ‘easy to transport/most dangerous’ ratio. But they were super boring.

The front door open and shut one last time and there was the sound of someone locking it. That was standard procedure. Not that it mattered. It would take zero time to throw a chair through a window and be gone.

Beau recognized a few faces. The usual mix of skeezy old men in bad suits and pimply magic geeks in way over their heads. There were some new ones as well. Some kind of hot half elfish lady with way too much makeup on, trying to look aloof but mostly clutching her purse and wrinkling her nose at the clientele. There was a halfling of indeterminate gender and curly hair sitting on the edge of a table and looking almost as bored as Beau felt. What was definitely someone’s orcish grandma complete with a crocheted shawl and pearl earrings. Some unwashed ginger guy who probably fell into the magical geek category but who’s eyes were a little too calculating for Beau to dismiss him outright. She gave that man a closer look. It was hard to see in the dim light but the small figure next to him was holding on to his sleeve as he bent down to talk to them. That had better be another halfling, Beau thought, not the kid of some dumbass who thought it would be a good idea to bring them to an illicit magic auction.

Someone called order from the front of the crowd and the room quieted. The awkward small talk of people trying to pretend they were functioning members of society and not committing a crime by being here faded away.

Beau saw the small figure by the scruffy ginger pull out a flask and take a long swig. Not a kid then. Beau turned her attention to the front. Time to get to work.

The auctioneer was shit. They barely knew how to work a crowd. But that didn’t matter. This was a gathering of desperate people trying to get what they wanted. Items came and went. Most useless or cursed, some both. Some inspired short bidding wars. Others were snapped up by the first person interested in them. Beau split her attention, the books she was after were probably the big hitters of this event, they would be towards the end. She kept one eye on the crowd. The halfling on the table never bid but their eyes tracked the guests who seemed to have the most cash to burn. Beau wasn’t sure if this was the best place to pick pockets, but Beau wasn’t going to criticize. She was basically doing the same thing. That orc grandma won what was probably a cursed tea set. By the look in her eyes the lady probably knew it too. Hot elf lady seemed to be waiting for something. And so did the ginger man. He was bidding on things, but it was carefully done. Always low enough that someone bid over him and on items that had the least potential but most flash. The more she watched him the more Beau realized it was an act. He was blending in. His personal carefully cultivated to let eyes slip off of him. He was just another tourist in the magical world. He just wanted a trinket to take home. Not a threat.

Beau felt a pair of eyes on her and thought she saw a gleam of yellow. But it was gone before Beau could make out more and then the auctioneer was pulling out the first of the books and Beau had to focus.

She let the first two books pass by. They were too expensive, she knew that going in, but she memorized those who won. Taking in any identifying features. The monks would get those books later. She bid on the third and won. It was a small book, unassuming and in a mostly dead language, slim and not worth the asking price. Nobody knew what it really contained and that made it dangerous.

There was a glimpse of yellow eyes again. Beau kept her attention on the front of the room. The ginger man leaned down to listen to something his companion was saying. The auctioneer moved on. The next item was useless, and the next.

A beam of light slid across the back wall. Scattered by the partially opened blinds. A look out had not been doing their job. There was a collective freeze in the room as everyone held a collective breath.

And then a pounding on the door broke the room in to panicked action. People began shoving towards the back door and to the windows even as a shout came from the entrance.

“THIS IS THE CROWNSGUARD. BY ORDER OF THE KING YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST.”

Yeah, good fucking luck catching us all assholes. Beau was already diving through the crowd, moving diagonally to the flow, striving towards the auctioneer. They were hurriedly trying to gather up all the goods. Scrabbling them into what must have been a bag of holding. They went down with a punch to the temple. Crumpling like wet tissue. They deserved it, this was dangerous junk and their security sucked. Beau scooped up an armful of books, not even looking to see if they were what she was after. And she ran.

Bounding up off the table and darting through the crowd. She made it to the maze of back passages that were far too complicated for a simple coffee shop. Beau had read up on the floor plans. She took a left down a hallway and another left and bypassed the confused swarm of people lost. There were yells from the front room. Crownsguards shouting commands. People cursing. A few screams. A concussive blast of magic rattled the building. Already dim lights flickered. There was more yelling behind her. Footsteps.

She slammed into a crash bar and out into the night air of a side alley. She spun and caught a glimpse of panicked blue eyes and the red of a crownsguard uniform behind the man about 20 feet back. And then she was slamming the door shut. Taking two steps back and jumping. Using the door handle as a step to launch herself up towards the fire escape above. She managed to grab a metal rung with her free arm and pull herself up. Muscles straining. She rolled to her feet, took a deep breath, and began to run up the narrow stairs. She hadn’t even made it halfway up the first flight before the door below her was slamming open again.

A tiny figure rocketed out. The companion. They were already sprinting down the alley. Followed by the scruffy man. But he was too slow. The crownsguard that followed too fast. The man was slammed into pavement. Beau heard the  _ snick _ of a handcuff closing around a wrist.

That was that then. Beau took another step.

And stopped. Watching.

The little one was rushing back and throwing themselves at the guard. Beau saw a flash of a dagger and heard a voice, shrill and desperate.

“Let go! LET GO! You can’t have him!”

The crownsguard left off the man who was laying still on the ground and went after the little threat. He swung out and slammed them against the brick of the wall. The creature reeled back. Their hood falling to reveal pointed green ears and knotted dark hair. She looked young.

Beau had started down the stairs before her head had caught up with her feet.

The guard loomed over the little goblin. “Filthy green blood.” He spat at her,” I’m going to fucking gut you and your-“

Beau struck him once in the head and twice in the ribs. She felt something give a satisfying crack. The man went down like a sack of dirt. Crumpling to the ground unmoving. The goblin’s mouth was open in surprise. Beau couldn’t see much more than fear in her eyes. Maybe there was gratitude. But the goblin was already darting past Beau.

“Hey! You’re welcome.”

The goblin glanced back for a fraction of a second but didn’t stop her rush towards the man. She grabbed and his ratty coat and tried to pull him up.

“CalebCalebCaleb,” her words were a panicked rush. “You need to get up, we need to run.” She was too small. “Come on Caleb.”

The man managed to get one hand under himself. And then the other. And then he was on his knees. Trying to stand. Wobbling. His eyes were blank. Beau could hear footsteps on the other side of the door. She was already more involved then she had intended.

She grabbed Caleb’s arm and pulled him into a run.

The goblin was right at Beau’s side as they sprinted away. A string of foul words pouring from the little mouth. Beau didn’t know where they were headed exactly. Just that it was away from the mess of the auction. 

They dove down one grimy nondescript alley after another. Her backpack slamming into her back with every step. Books digging into her arm as she clutched them to her chest. Darting across an intersection to run along an empty sidewalk. Neon lights and ‘Closed’ signs flashed past. Minutes bleed by. The goblin’s footsteps were nearly silent but the man kept stumbling. All of them were breathing heavy. Down another side street and on to the scrubby grass of a poorly maintained park. And finally, they slowed and stopped in the shadows of the park’s few trees.

Beau loosed her grip on Caleb’s arm and the man slumped against a tree. His legs seemed to give out and he slid down to a seated position. He was wheezing, eyes closed. From the orange street light filtering through the foliage, Beau could see the silver of the handcuffs dangling off one wrist. Beside him the goblin stood, little chest heaving. The swearing had stopped around ten minutes ago. Now they were all just trying to get their breath back. The sweat on Beau’s brow was chilly in the spring air. A squad car with its lights on passed a street over. Beau and the goblin shrank back into the shadows.

Caleb twisted to one side and dry heaved.

The handcuff rattled and clanked with the movement.

“Oh fuck Caleb.” The way the goblin said it made it sound soft. “Here,” she sifted through a pocket and pulled out a piece of wire. “Let me take care of that.”

The man didn’t move for a moment and then as if the girl’s words had finally sunk in, he extended the cuffed wrist. His hands were shaking badly. So badly the goblin was struggling to pick the handcuffs.

“Here,” Beau knelt, setting the armful of books to one side, and took the man’s hand. Ignoring the flinch. It was rough and calloused. Beau pinned his hand against his own knee. Pressing hard in order to negate the shaking. Holding it in place long enough for the goblin to work her magic. A few seconds and a jiggle of the wire and the handcuff clicked open. Beau released Caleb’s hand and he pulled it back quickly, holding it to his chest.

The handcuffs disappeared into a pocket and the goblin sat down with a soft  _ oof _ . She rustled around in her baggy coat again and brought out the flask. She took a long swig then eyed Beau for a second before handing it over to her. It wasn’t the strangest drink Beau had been offered. 

She took a long pull and nearly coughed it up.

“Fuck me, that’s rough.” She wheezed.

“It does not need to be smooth to be effective.”  His voice was rough and thick with a Zemnian accent. He held out a hand and Beau passed over the flask.

“You’re not going to throw up again are you?” She asked. Not that it seemed like there was anything to throw up in the first place. It had looked like it had been nothing but acid when he had retched.

He just shook his head and took a drink. Handing the flask back to his friend.

They all sat or crouched in silence. Trying to recover from the frantic dash through the streets. The goblin was fiddling with the cap of her flask, looking over at the closest street. The man was just staring dead ahead. Not really taking anything in. Beau cleared her throat.

“Sorry about the thing with the door.” This was kind of painfully awkward. “I’m Beau by the way.”

The goblin waved the flask dismissively. “We probably would have done the same thing.”

“That’s pretty blunt.” Beau wasn’t really surprised. They were well passed pleasantries at this point in the night.

“Yeah, well it’s true. I’m Nott.” She said, taking another long drink of the really terrible liquor.

“Nott? Not what?” Beau wasn’t following.

“That’s my name. Just Nott.”  Nott said. Glancing at Beau, looking for either a challenge or acceptance. Beau wasn’t sure.

“Caleb Widogast.” Eyes closed, slumped against a tree. He looked fucking wrecked. Both of them did. Caleb’s face was scraped up, so were his palms. The front half of him was covered in alleyway grime. His hands were still shaking. Nott was just as bad. Dark blood was drying on the side of her face where she had been slammed into the wall. Her grip on her flask was white knuckled. Neither of them looked capable of making it few blocks on their own, let alone where ever home was.

“You guys want to grab something to eat?” The words came out of Beau’s mouth as a surprise. She was met with blank stares. She had to scramble to come up for a reason for them. “They, uh, are going to be combing the streets for a while. We could blend in to a crowd?”

Caleb spoke up. “It is 1:06 in the morning. I do not know if anything would be open.”

“That is weirdly specific. But naw man, there’s burger joint like half a mile away that’s open until like 3.” The pair looked at each other with some reluctance. “It will be my treat.” That seemed to clench it.

“As an apology for leaving us to the wolves?” Nott asked innocently, stowing her flask away and standing.

“I mean, I did come back.” Beau pointed out grabbing the books and tucking them under an arm before rising. She looked down at Caleb and offered a hand. He took it after a moment of hesitation and she pulled him to his feet. He wobbled slightly but stayed standing. It was hard to make out his face in the shadows.

“Ja, that is true. Fuck it, let’s get burgers.”

They walked slowly out of the park. Nott between the two much taller humans.  She kept glancing over at Caleb as he stumbled in the dark. Beau’s dark vision wasn’t much better, but she hadn’t just had a panic attack and was decently in shape, so she was doing alright. They made it to the orange pool of light cast by a streetlight. Beau looked down at Nott.

“Oh fuck dude” She swore. Under the streetlight she could see that there was a lot more blood then she had previously thought. It was matted into the goblin’s hair, caked around her large ears. Some had soaked into the collar of her coat, a growing stain that looked almost black in the orange light. Caleb was already crouching, as unsteady as he was.

“Why didn’t you say something?” His low voice full of worry.

“It’s not that bad.” Nott tried to brush it off. “Really, I’m fine.”

“It’s not that great either. And it’s not fine. You tell me when you get hurt, okay?”

“Only if you do the same.” Beau pretended she didn’t hear Nott’s mutter. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Beau swung her backpack off her shoulder and dug through it for a moment. She handed a spare pad and her water bottle over to Caleb and nodded to the curb.

“Why don’t you two get cleaned up? We ain’t in any hurry.”

He accepted both and gave them a long hard stare. 

“Ja, thank you.” He sat Nott down on a bumper block so she was facing towards the light and kneeled down next to her. Fumbling with the pad for a moment he unfolded it and then wet it down.

“Let me know if I am hurting you” Caleb began to gently dab and wipe away the drying blood. Nott murmured a response, looking a little overwhelmed at the care, twisting her claws in the fabric of her coat. Beau took a seat on the curb a few feet away to give them space. It was a gentle moment between the two.

She pulled out the books she had scooped up in the chaotic last few moments of the auction. Shuffling through to see what she had grabbed. Three were useless. Collectors interest only. The monks could sell them later. One looked like a first addition historic smut novel. She’d flip through it later and look for the good parts. But the last two were gold. A detailed ritual book used for some unsavory summoning and the slim black and green unknown that the monks thought could be dangerous. Beau crammed useless ones and the ritual book into her bag. She kept the black one out, flipping through it for some sort of clue to its existence. Not that it did any good. It was written is some super ancient squiggly script that Beau definitely could not read. She puzzled over some of the diagrams for awhile as the other two finished up.

“There,” Caleb declared, after several minutes, leaning back. “All clean for now.”

“For now?” The girl had been patient while her friend was cleaning her up but now she sounded kind of peeved.

“Ja, sorry Nott. We’re going to have to clean the cut properly when we get back to the room. We can-“ He trailed off. Beau looked up from the book in time to see the water bottle fall from his nerveless grip. It clattered on the pavement and tipped over, staining the pavement black with damp. He was staring at her, no, he was staring at the book. He eyes wide with disbelief. Nott’s eyes snapped to Beau. Beau tensed but did not stand up. Not yet. All of them had been at that auction for something.

“Is that? How did you?” Nott’s voice was a squeak as she floundered for words. She looked at Caleb, made a conclusion and turned back to Beau. Caleb was still silent. Eyes fixed on Beau’s hands.

“I grabbed a bunch of books while everyone was freaking out.” Feign ignorance, pretend like she had no idea how much it was really worth. She didn’t have to pretend that hard. Neither her nor the monks had much of an idea of what this book could be. Just that it had potential.  “I wasn’t about to leave empty handed.”

Caleb seemed to find his voice. It was almost flat, clinical, but a slight tremor at the end spoke of a desperate attempt to control emotion. “May I see that book for a moment?”

He was asking, not demanding. The question was level and polite.

Beau considered her options. She had no idea what this book was for or what this book was capable of. Judging by some of the diagrams there was definitely magic involved. But there were so many unknowns. The monks didn’t even know what language it was written in. This could be a chance to accurately identify it. Beau was a hell of a lot faster than either of these two. If they tried to run for it, she could catch them. Casting took time and movement and words. Punching was faster.

She shifted closer to them, with in grabbing range, and gingerly handed over the book.

Caleb didn’t exactly snatch the book away from her, but it was a close run thing. Beau was about to complain about his manners, but the man was already rummaging through his grubby coat and pulling out a pen light. His eyes fixed on the pages. He was rapidly flipping through the pages, words murmured in Zimnian spilling from his mouth. All of a sudden everything about him froze. Except for his eyes, they were rapidly darting back and forth across a page mostly dominated by a complex arcane circle.

He was crying. Silently, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. Nott was looking at the book as if it was solid platinum. Her little hand clenching Caleb’s coat.

“I take it you know what this is?” Beau broke whatever moment was happening

“It-it is a book”

“Yeah dude, I can see that.” He was taking a long time to answer. Beau wasn’t having it.

“A book written in a very ancient Celestial dialect abo-about” He was struggling to get the words out. Roughly, he wiped away the tears. He looked up from the book. Not at Beau or Nott, but into the gloom of the parking lot. “About the casting of certain curses.”

Unease slammed into her, the book looked innocent in the hands of the man. Curses were dirty, catastrophic types of magic. Created with the sole intention of harming the recipient.

“Are you trying to set a curse on someone?” She asked or accused. Beau could clearly see that he was emotional over this. But it was wrong somehow. Not at all dark. The look of his face too open, too full of joy. It took him a long while to answer.

“N-nein,” he managed to get his crying under control somewhat. “I need to understand the components and process of the spell. In order to understand how to break it.”

“What like reverse engineering?”

“Ja, roughly.”

Beau checked out his body language and tone of voice. It seemed genuine. Both of them were giving off waves of relief rather than any sort of malevolence.

“So, somebody is cursed then? Someone you care about?” She pried.

He seemed confused some by the question somehow. Opening and shutting his mouth a few times, looking for words. Nott spoke up, her hand still on Caleb’s shoulder.

“Someone I care about. Very much.”

Beau read the situation through the goblin’s soft words and hard stare.  She didn’t trust either of them individually. But she did trust what was going on between them. They just seemed like two souls trying very hard to make it in a world that had no interest in them. Some part of herself locked deep inside of her chest could relate. Beau did her best to ignore it.

“Well,” Caleb looked at her finally. She spoke slowly. “I’ll need the book back eventually. But I don’t need it right now.”

The small look of hope that bloomed across the man’s face was mirrored in that of the goblin.

“Thank you.” His words were thick with tears that had yet to fall. Beau stood in an attempt to brush off the embarrassment of more emotion.

Caleb tucked the slim book into an inside pocket of his long grubby coat and stood as well. He swayed badly for a moment, seeming even more drained then before. Beau grabbed an arm to steady him, ignoring the flinch. Beneath many layers of fabric the man felt bone thin.

“So, y’all still want burgers?”

  
  


Nearly eight months later, miles away, heading west the highway in a cramped purple bug, Beau looked at her phone. Three missed calls from Nott and finally a text message.

11:34 Notttt

**do you know caduceus clay?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from [It's Thunder And It's Lightening](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6shmJaOD3Q) by We Were Promised Jetpacks
> 
> Just a heads up. The next chapter will likely have some gross medical/injury stuff and a panic attack.


	8. Keeping Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains unintentional self-harm, unhealthy coping mechanisms, a panic attack, descriptions of burns and infection. 
> 
> If I missed something or you want me to add a tag please let me know.

For three days after the Saturday show nothing much happened. Molly went about his business, helped out at the Moondrop, worked at his second job at the much less fun much better paying, big theatre in town. Ate, slept, and went to work. So on the third day, when his phone rang with an unknown number  he only contemplated not answering it for the briefest of moments. He turned the tea kettle on and let it ring another few times, letting the unknown number wait.

“Tealeaf tarot readings and-” 

The voice on the other end of the line shut him up before he could get through his spiel that usually made telemarketers hang up. 

“Molly?”

Her voice was rough and grating. She was whispering 

"Beau and Jester are gone and I-"  There was a rustling sound and a scattered shifting. When the little goblin spoke again her voice was even closer. "I don't know where to go."

"Nott. Is everything okay?" It wasn't but he couldn't help unless she told him what was happening.

"No!" The whisper was closer to a wail. "Caleb, he needs-" She shifted again and her words were lost to a fantic mumble.

"Slow down. You have time. What does Caleb need?"

"A healer." The words were barely audible. But the worry that had been simmering in Molly's chest boiled over.

"Shit. What do you- Do you need an ambulance? I can get you a ride to the ER" A Lyft would be faster than him driving over to get them. He could meet them there-

"NO." Nott's voice stopped his thoughts dead. "We can't go to the hospital. Caleb can't."

"Nott, is this an immediate emergency?" He understood hang ups and phobias, he wasn't the biggest fan of hospitals either. But if this was an emergency he'd call EMS himself.

"We have time." She parroted his words back to him not with any confidence or assurance. She sounded too close to tears for that. But with a resoluteness that  Molly found no argument with. "But I need- I can't do it on my own. Caleb needs a healer and Jester is gone with Beau and I don't know anyone else."

Molly looked around the apartment. It was empty. It felt empty. Yasha said she’d be back later but she wasn’t back right now. Who did he know? Who did he know that could help? Gustav? Gustav would tell him to go to the emergency room. Maybe Ornna? No, she’s say the same thing. Yasha could have helped, a little, but she wouldn’t be back for hours. And as much time as they said they had they didn’t have hours. Who was there?

The tea kettle whistled startling him out his circling thoughts. He turned it off.

“I know a guy. A healer.”

“Where? Is he any good?”

“He’s got a better bedside manner than Jester. Caduceus, Caduceus Clay. He lives up on the North end of the lake. Maybe half an hour.” Did they have half an hour? Silence from the other end of the line. Maybe Nott was thinking that too. “I can drive you.”

“When can you get over here?” She sounded small on a vast plane of worry. 

“I’m heading over now. Do you need me to get anything?” He grabbed his keys and his coat. Tea forgotten.

“No, no. Just hurry please?” 

Molly sent a quick text to Yasha and then he hurried. 

The Chevy skidded to a stop in the alley. Molly didn’t care he was blocking the whole road. He killed the engine and raced up the stairs two at a time. He had barely knocked twice when the door swung open to reveal Nott. She looked a mess, exhausted bags under her eyes. Hair a tangled knot. She was twisting the hem of the baggy t-shirt she wore like a dress. The fabric bunched and strained under her claws.

“He’s in his room, asleep I think. We’re going to have to be quiet. I didn’t tell him I called you.”

“Do you have any idea what’s wrong?”

“His arms. He hurt his arms and they keep getting worse.”

Sharp concern slid into Molly’s thoughts, he stepped into the gloom of the tiny apartment after the goblin. He couldn’t help but wrinkle up his nose at the sickening smell of infection that permeated the whole place. Cut with what was probably liquor and what was definitely mold. It made the walls seem even closer. The whole place more suffocating. Nott was grimacing too. 

“I know. I should have…” She trailed off looking tired and miserable and frayed. There was a handful of off brand medications scattered on the battered card table in the corner. All unopened. Except one bottle of what looked like children’s healing potion that had spilled over and dripped on the graying carpet. The smell of fake cherry mixing nauseatingly with the smell of sickness.  

“Let’s see if we can’t get this boy of yours some help.”

He followed her lead to the tiny bedroom ignoring the crawling anxiety creeping up his neck yelling at him to get out and into clear air. 

It was nearly pitch black in the room. Even with his excellent darkvision Molly could barely see. All the lights in the apartment were off and what little light that had been getting through the covered windows had been even more stopped up. Paper and cardboard taped up haphazardly. 

“He said the light was too much” Squinting, Molly could see her picking her way around  stacks of books and papers. A spitting hiss broke the quiet. 

“Oh be quiet you stupid cat. We’re here to help” Nott hissed in return. 

Molly tried to take a step forward but stumbled over a pile of books. This was ridiculous. “I’m  going to use my phone light.” 

As the swash of bluish light spread over the room the curled form on the bed flinched violently. Caleb Widogast was shaking. Molly could see it from where he stood. Sweat stained clothes, deeply bruised eyes clenched shut. Molly pointed his phone away. Nott creeped closer. She shooed Frumpkin away with a foot, giving a too loose shirt sleeve a tug. 

“Caleb? Caleb, it’s time to get up. We need to go.” Her voice was soft and cajoling. The sick man shifted in response. Muttering in what definitely was not Common. 

“Here” Molly stepped in closer to take over. He gently took Caleb’s shoulders and helped the man sit upright. “There we go. Alright, let’s get you standing, perfect. Nott can you grab his coat and maybe some sunglasses if you have them?”

“I’ll see what I can find.” The girl was off like a shot. 

Haltingly, fumbling in the dark, Molly led Caleb out into the living room and settled him in one of the folding chairs. Confident that the man wouldn’t keel over Molly began scouting around for some shoes. The familiar rough looking boots lay tucked over by the couch. Slip ons would have been easier but these would do. He  kneeled in front of Caleb. The man’s eyes were scrunched up, trying painfully hard to make out Molly. 

“M-Mollymauk?”

“At your service. Come on, right foot.”  He helped guide one boot on and loosely tied up the laces.

“What are you doing here?” He seemed to be struggling to focus. Eyes fixing on Molly then sliding to Molly’s hands and then on to the wall behind Molly. Keeping his head from drooping seemed to be taking up most of his energy.

“Left foot. Nott called, she said you might need some help.”

“Oh.”

Left boot on Molly took a moment to fully take in Caleb’s appearance. He was soaked in sweat and shaking. Fever showed itself high on his cheeks. His hands looked stiff and swollen. He was holding his arms at a careful angle, unwilling to let them touch anything. 

“I’m going to try to get a hold of Jester before we head out.” Molly called over his shoulder to where he could hear Nott rummaging around. At the muffled ‘okay!’ Molly scrolled through his phone and tapped on Jester’s smiling face. She might have some advice or so closer options. He held the phone up to his ear with one hand and placed the other on Caleb’s knee. For a few moments blue eyes seemed to look through him and then the man’s eyes slipped closed again. 

The phone rang and rang. No answer. Molly didn’t leave a message. 

With a pattering of feet Nott returned with a long brown coat dragging over her shoulder and a pair of cheap sunglasses with bright pink frames in one hand. She crammed the sunglasses on Caleb’s face and helped him pull his coat on painfully slowly. She had her own raincoat on, ready to go.

“Anything we need to bring?” Molly looked over to the assortment of medication, unused. 

“No, let’s just go.”

Molly helped Caleb stand. The man was unreisiting but not entirely helpful. They followed Nott at a snail’s pace. Inching out of the apartment, taking it step by step They had time. 

 

The fog that had invaded Caleb’s mind seemed to crystalize sending the world into sharp clarity for a moment. He wasn’t sure who had his upper arm in such a strong grip or where the darkness of the open car before him was going. He had known, but thoughts kept slipping through his grasp like sand. All he knew his entire body felt full of lead and needles and all of this, all of it, felt familiar. 

“Nein.” He wasn’t sure if he had been heard. He spoke again, louder. “Nein” Not again. He dug his feet in.

Nott’s voice was right by side. “No hospitals Caleb. Don’t worry. We’re going to a friend of Molly’s”

Molly? Oh, the hand on his arm. A blurry face in the dark of the apartment. Mollymauk. Caleb gritted his teeth and tried to hold onto his thoughts.

“His name is Caduceus Clay. He’s a healer.”

A healer. That held no comfort for him. He looked down at Nott, wanting to say no, to go back inside. She looked back up at him. Tired and grim and worried. He had done this. His fault. His mess he couldn’t clean up.

He let Molly help him into the car and didn’t hide his flinch when the door shut.

Caleb spent the car ride desperately keeping his eyes open. Memorizing street signs and turns. Desperately trying to keep his head in the present. Desperate to be back home with the dark and quiet covering his problems. 

They drove out of the city and then out of the suburbs, heading north along the eastern shore of the lake. It was much further than he and Nott had been out of town in quite awhile. Further than they could walk back. Mollymauk looked back at him through the review and red eyes crinkled up in a smile. Even with the sunglasses on, the eye contact grated against Caleb. He looked back out the window. Ignoring the shooting pain behind his eyes and looking for street signs that were becoming sparser and sparser.

"Let me know if you're going to barf back there. I can pull over." The tiefling called from the front. 

It was a possibility that Caleb was going to puke but he wasn't going to open his mouth for a response and encourage it. Nott shifted beside in her seat. She had opted to sit in the back with him, which he appreciated, But she looked like she wanted to hold his hand, which he currently could not handle. She instead had her phone out and seemed to be waiting for a response. Mollymauk asked Nott a question but Caleb missed the first half of the question and couldn't focus on the second half. Her response was drowned out by the black static that kept invading his vision. He tried to blink it away and then made the mistake of shaking his head to clear it. Everything swam and he closed his eyes against the sensation. Nott was talking to him but the words weren't getting through the cotton shoved in his brain. He groaned and tried to remember how to breath like a regular human being. By the time he could open his eyes again his head was rested against the driver's seat in front of him and the car was stopped. 

"Are you gonna puke?" Mollymauk's voice was right in his ear and Caleb desperately wanted to pull away from the sound. All sound. The still running engine, the repetitive clicks of the hazard lights, his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. He wanted all of it to stop.

"Caleb?" Nott asked for a response.

"N-nein." He fought for words. "Just some fresh air please."

Mollymauk shifted around in his seat. "The window's a roll down." 

Caleb blearily tried to focus on the handle but was unwilling to move his arms and ignite the mess of pain that waiting just under his skin.

"Here, I've got it." A purple hand snaked back and found the handle. The window cracked open a few inches and Caleb's 'thank you'  got stuck in his throat as the image of purple skin and mesmerizing tattoos got stuck in his head.

"Are we good? Good. Let me know if that changes." 

Molly turned around to the front again and the car moved off. Scenery flashed by and the road markers became jumbled with snakes and peacock feathers. Caleb's grasp on time had slipped away with the building fever so it might have been hours or seconds when Mollymauk finally turned off the two lane highway and onto a rough dirt road.  It winded through the trees for an age. Each bump and shift in the road sending jolts of burning pain through Caleb's bones. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from making noise. The road finally straighten out and the forest cleared away to reveal a small yellow house nestled among the tangled greenery of a garden. Caleb’s mouth was full of copper. The car stopped in front of a little overgrown stone path. Nott and Mollymauk wasted absolutely no time in pulling him out of the car and shepherding him up the path. He wanted to stop and drag his feet, to push off their suffocating hovering. But the words weren't making it to his mouth.

Mollymauk gripped him underneath an armpit and practically pulled him up the front steps. Caleb's strength to pull away wasn't there. His legs were shaking worse than ever. The front door appeared in front of them. Friendly green paint chipping away in some places. Mollymauk knocked twice and pushed inside without waiting for a response, dragging Caleb along with him. 

"Hey, Caduceus! It's us."

A low voice called something in response but Caleb didn't hear it. 

The moment Caleb stepped in to the charming little cottage he froze. The scent of medicinal herbs, choking and cloying, was close here. But beyond that there was something too sharp. Too familiar. It pulled at him and wrapped around his throat. He was drowning. The soft light cast by the lamps and strings of fairy lights were a harsh fluorescent. His shoes were gone, his feet clad in itchy non-slip socks, he could feel the linoleum tiles beneath them. He swayed and a strong arm grabbed him underneath the armpit. Keeping him upright. Not letting him run. He tried to jerk away. He didn’t know where they were going taking him this time. They had taken words and meaning away from him. He couldn’t do this again. Not again.

Someone was speaking. Their voice steady and unhurried. The words were noise he should have been able to process. There was a hand on his chest and a rush of calm filtered through him. It fought with the panic. They were trying to cast a spell on him. Control his emotions. Make him indifferent. Make him not care about what was happening next. Not again. He couldn’t.

He wrenched himself away. Spinning towards the door they had come through. But the cottage kept spinning and he was falling to his knees. Hands were on him. Caleb willed the panic higher and higher, fighting the false calm. He wretched on the floor. Bringing up what little food was in his system. Panic reaching a fever pitch.

“DON’T TOUCH HIM. DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM.”

She was there. 

She was here with him. Right by his side. She was keeping him safe. And if she was here keeping him safe then there was no way he was back there. She wouldn’t let that happen. 

He was 33 years old. He lived with his best friend. He had a job. He was in control of his life. The asylum was years behind him.

“Caleb” His name was Caleb. He knew that voice close by his ear. “Do you want to move outside?”

A yes or no question. A choice. He wanted to leave this suffocating space. He wanted to get out. 

He nodded. 

“Okay, I’m going to help you stand up alright? I’m going to be on this side and Nott is going to be on your right. Do you want to hold her hand? Okay good. We’re all going to stand up together. Bring that knee forward and get your feet under you. Good, you’re doing good.”

Molly’s hand was warm on his back. Nott’s claws a comforting familiarity. They took one step and then another and then they were outside and Molly was helping Caleb sit down on the front steps. The air was cool and heady with the scent of loam and growth. Molly sat on one side of him and Nott tucked herself in close. They sat there for a few minutes as Caleb calmed his breathing and the world came back to him. Molly rubbed small circles into his back and Caleb found himself leaning into the warmth of the tiefling. Strength flagging now that the fear had retreated.

The screen door creaked open behind them and there was a sound of a tray being set down. Caleb could feel Nott crane her head around. 

“I, ah, brought some tea.” The voice was low and apologetic. Nott was tense at his side. The voice seemed to notice. “The strongest thing in it is peppermint.”

When neither Nott or Caleb made a move Molly spoke up for them. 

“That sounds lovely Cad, thank you.”

Nott accepted a mug as well. She sniffed at it and lapped a taste. She nodded her approval and handed it over to Caleb. 

“It’s clear.” Clear of what Caleb wasn’t quite sure but it made him feel safer. He held the mug with both of his shaking hands and breathed in and out. Molly’s hand was still on his back. Nott by his side. 

The owner of the voice descended the steps and made himself known to be a tall gangly and pink firbolg. The gray face was a mask of regret and empathy.

“I apologize for earlier. I shouldn’t have tried to cast a spell on you without your consent.”

“J-ja” Caleb’s voice was shaky but he was at least speaking, “It is nothing. I should-” should have what? Been less weak? Kept it together? 

Molly was still rubbing circles on his back. 

“It’s all alright Cad. We’re all okay now. But yeah, maybe ask permission be for casting anything.”

Caduceus nodded, his eyes brimming with more unspoken sorries. 

“I would still like to heal you if that would be alright?” He asked Caleb. “We can do it right here if there is something inside that bothers you.”

Caleb wanted to go home. He had wanted to handle this on his own

“Is that alright Caleb?” Nott was asking him. He nodded reluctantly. They had come all this way for him.  

Caduceus smiled gentle and raised his mug a little. “Why don’t we all finish our tea first then. There isn’t any hurry.”

By the time they were down to the dregs, Caleb’s heart rate had stopped imitating a rabbit’s. His head and cleared somewhat and he was doing his best not to let the shame and embarrassment in. No one seemed concerned that he would fall apart at the drop of a hat. That what had happened years ago was able to rear its ugly head in an instant. Caleb wanted to curl up and hide for a week. But Nott, and apparently Mollymauk, wouldn’t let that happen. 

“Are we ready now?” Mollymauk offered to take his mug, he gave it freely. All mugs were set back on the tray and Caduceus came to kneel on a lower step in front of Caleb.

“Before we get started I’d like to see what I’m working with if that’s okay?”

It wasn’t. But maybe Caduceus could sense the curse on him. Feel the unnaturalness wrapped around his bones. 

“Ja, just let me-” He tugged at the sleeves of his coat. Mollymauk helped him shrug out of it but left it draped over his shoulders to keep some of the heat. The tiefling helped him roll his baggy sweater past the elbows. Exposing the edges of the bandages. Then he left Caleb alone to start unwrap the strips of cloth with stiff fingers. One by one they came away, he handed them to Nott who tucked them away in her coat for safekeeping. Soon the gauze pads were exposed stained with serous patches and splotched of blood. Heat radiated from both arms.

“Would you like to soak those for a while?” Caduceus asked. 

That would make things less painful but he couldn’t. It would take too long. He needed this done. Caleb shook his head and gritted his teeth. He pried up the tape with one fingernail and began slowly ripping off the gauze. Beside him Nott was humming with distress. He was sweating by the time the first pad was off. He had to stop and breath through his nose for several moments. Willing the tea to stay down. The shaking was worse. He started on the second pad. Fighting the urge to rip it off in one go. His grip wasn’t strong enough and it would likely just do more damage. He didn’t make a sound as it caught on scabs and excruciatingly tender skin. He just kept pulling. He could taste blood again in his mouth. And then the second bandage was off. His eyes were closed. If he had been standing he would have fallen for sure. His limbs felt like jelly. Molly was rubbing circles again on his back.

“May I?” 

He cracked an eye to look at the firbolg and nodded. Large gentle hands turned Caleb’s arms so that the majority of the burns were facing up. Caleb closed his eyes again. He knew what they looked like. He didn’t need to see the angry charred skin full of infection. He didn’t need to see the shape of his master’s hands overlapping with the scars that same man had left behind. Beside him Nott was still humming. Molly had hissed through his teeth. 

“I’m going to cast a restorative first and then we can move on to the healing. Okay?”

Caleb nodded and croaked out a “Okay” bracing himself for crawling feeling of unfamiliar magic.

A rush of warmth washed out of the firbolg’s hands. Over taking the burning and the ache that had settled in Caleb’s bones. He felt the magic pass through him leaving behind the pain of the burn but taking with it the suffocating sensation of infection. He could feel the chill of the sweat on his brow. His eyes felt clearer and the cotton that had filled his head had vanished. He looked down at his arms to find the puff redness greatly reduced. 

“Do you need a rest? Or can we continue?” Caduceus was still holding his wrists. 

“Keep going.”

This time Caleb had to grit his teeth against the sensation of his skin knitting back together. But as the rush of healing left behind a blissful absence of pain Caleb found himself listing in Molly with relief. His eyes fluttered shut and the tiefling wrapped an arm around him to keep him upright. He was able to curl his arms in and hug himself. A comfort that had been impossible since that failed attempt. 

“I don’t have any magic for the scarring but I can make some poultices that should help.” Caduceus was still kneeling in front of them but Caleb was having a hard time focusing on the words. The healing spells always sapped his energy and he was free of pain for the first time in days. The lack of good sleep was finally catching up to him.

“Can you teach me how to make them?” Nott piped up from his side.

“Sure, I can talk you through the first batch.”

The two of them began moving towards the front door. Molly spoke up causing them to pause.

“Could you grab us a blanket or something?”

“Sure thing.”

The screen door shut gently and squeaked open a moment later. A rough woolen blanket was draped over his and Molly’s shoulder. It smelled more of weed than anything medicinal which suited Caleb fine. The small pitter patter of Nott’s feet went back inside and he and Molly were left alone for a while. Caleb drifted in and out, thankful that Molly let silence fill the space. If Caleb had been more awake he might have found the closeness embarrassing. He didn’t know Molly, not really. But this right here felt safe. He was content to sit here wrapped in a blanket and warmth, free from pain.  

Caleb wasn’t sure how long he dozed for but it was some time later when Nott came back out on the front porch and Molly was gently shaking him. 

“Here Caleb,” he could feel Nott’s little hands pulling one arm free from the blankets and then the other. “I made some stuff to help with the itching.”

Caleb couldn’t find any words at the moment. He was too content. But he hummed and allowed her to gloop on some of the poultice and wrap it up. It was cooling and soothing to the tightness of scar tissue he hadn’t had the energy to be bothered by it yet. He didn’t need to open his eyes to see how pleased Nott was. He could feel it pouring off her.

He sat there for a little while longer, leaned against Molly, while they talked over him. He didn’t mind as long as he could just stay sitting here for eternity.

The hand rubbing slow circles on his back stopped and gave him a few pats and then gripped him around the waist.

“Come on Caleb, Cad said you can hold onto the blanket for a bit.” Molly stood, taking Caleb up with him. “There we go, let’s get you back home.”

Caleb could barely keep his eyes open he could feel the world tilting to one side. The hand around his waist gripped at the fabric of his shirt and pants and the world steadied itself. 

“Whoa, okay I’ve got you love. Hey Cads? Can I get some help moving to the car?”

There was another presence on his other side mirroring Molly. There was the smell of sharp and medicinal. Caleb scrunched up his face and buried it in Molly’s shoulder to avoid it. 

“Yep, no you’re fine. Let’s just get him to the car okay?” 

The two on either side guided Caleb down the little path to the gravel that crunched under foot. And there was the sound of a car door opening and then Caleb was sitting on the bench seat and someone was helping him get his feet in the car.

“Why don’t you just have a lay down there. We’ll wake you when we get there.”

Caleb drifted. There were some voices outside and the sound of doors slamming. The sensation of movement but Caleb couldn’t draw up the energy to care where they were going. Chatter in the front seats and then they stopped for a long while. No one told him he had to get moving so Caleb stayed laid there. A car door again and then movement. They stopped and then someone very tall was carrying him like a child. Up steps and into warmth that reminded him of Molly. He was settled on the softness of a couch and Caleb drifted off completely. Content and free of pain too exhausted to worry about how he had gotten here or what tomorrow would bring. Someone pulled another blanket over him and Caleb slept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caduceus! He just here for the chapter but he will be back later.
> 
> Chapter title is from [Keeping Warm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNJyY2sKkWc) by We Were Promised Jetpacks
> 
> I know it's an eight minute song but it got me through a rough year when I was younger and reminds me very much of things getting better.


	9. Stuck in Second Gear

11:34 smol n green

**do you know caduceus clay?**

Beau blinked sleep and grit from her eyes and sat up in the back seat where she had been napping. She read the text message again. Sent almost two hours ago. Two missed calls before that. She frowned, not finding a place for the worry that was welling up inside of her. She held her phone up to her ear and listened to it ring.

“Hey Jes, turn down the music for a sec. Nott tried to call me.” The phone kept ringing.

“Here Fjord, can you pause it. I really like this song.” Fjord scrambled with the bejazzled pink phone thrust at him for a moment before the music cut out. 

The phone stopped ringing and there was the chime of the automated ‘leave a message after the tone’.

“Hey, saw that you called. If you’re talking about Molly’s weed guy then yeah I know him. He’s chill. Call me back and let me know what’s up.” She hung up without listening back to the message. 

“Looks like she tried to call you too Jes.” Fjord was looking at Jester’s phone. “Molly too, no messages though.”

Jester leaned over to look at the phone and then back at Beau for a brief moment before focusing back on the road. Worried expressions mirrored each other. 

“Do you think something bad happened?” Jester’s voice was very close to the worried wobbly thing she did. Beau did think something bad happened but she didn’t want to say it. Nott didn’t call. She rarely texted. She didn’t ask questions. Something was wrong. 

“I’m sure they’re fine Jester.” Thank the gods Fjord was here. He at least tried to be comforting. “Why don’t we stop at the next rest stop and see if we can’t get ahold of them.”

“Okay” The way Jester said it didn’t sound okay. Fjord didn’t turn the music on again. Beau hit dial again and got the prerecorded message again. She sent a text message to Nott and waited for a response. She sent one to Molly too. She waited. She didn’t get a response. 

Twenty miles later they pulled into a gas station. All of them clambered out of the car and stretched away the cramps of long driving. 

“I’m gonna use the men’s room. Either of you two need anything?” Fjord asked but both Beau and Jester were already on their phones. He left them to it and headed inside the convenience store attachment.

Nott didn’t answer so Beau scrolled through her contacts trying to think. Yasha. She was a fucking idiot. Yasha was in town. She hit dial and the phone rang twice before Beau heard the most beautiful thing she’d heard all day. 

“Hullo?”

“Yash? Oh thank fuck.” Jester looked up with wide eyes from where she was texting.

“Beau? Are you alright?” Her girlfriend’s voice was soft and cautious.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Hey, I got a message from Nott and Jester got a few calls from her and Molly but we can’t get a hold of them. Do you know if something’s up?”

There was shuffling on the other end of the line and the clack and creak of a door opening. It sounded like Yasha was just getting home. 

“Molly texted me earlier. He said he was driving Nott and Caleb up to Caduceus Clay’s. I think they couldn’t go to the hospital for some reason.”

“So someone’s hurt? Do you know who?” Beau could feel the worry solidifying into a hard pit of anxiety in her stomach. 

“Molly didn’t say. But if I had to guess I’d say it was Caleb. He didn’t look well when I met him at the show on Saturday.” Caleb had looked like shit on Saturday. But Beau had brushed past it. Xenoth had said the man had been out sick a few days before. She should have said something. Yasha kept talking. “If they’re up at Caduceus’ I’m not sure if you’ll be able to get through. The coverage is pretty bad up there.”

“You’re right. Shit.” Beau had forgotten. She should have put two and two together.

“Do you want me to let you know when I hear from Molly?” Beau took a deep breath to center herself. 

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks Yash.”

“No problem. I need to take a shower but call if you need. I’ll let you know when hear something?”

“Please. Thank you. Yasha.” There was a pause on the other end for a smile. 

“Bye Beau.”

“Bye Yasha. Talk later?”

“Talk later.”

Beau took another deep breath and hung up. 

“What did Yasha say Beau?” Jester had been watching the whole conversation. 

“Molly texted her. He was driving Nott and Caleb up to Caduceus’ house. That’s probably why we can’t get ahold of them.”

Jester nodded. She looked small and grim. Beau hated it. She pulled the blue girl into a hug.

“Someone got hurt?”

“Yeah, not sure how but we think it’s Caleb.” 

Jester hugged her back and spoke into Beau’s chest. Voice muffled by Beau’s grubby oversized sweatshirt. 

“Maybe they just really really needed some weed?” Beau couldn’t help but laugh a little bit.

“Yeah, that’s a possibility.” Jester didn’t let go or lift her head. “They’ll be alright, Jess. Yasha said she’ll let us know as soon as there’s news.”

“Okay.” The tiefling mumbled into Beau. “They asked for help this time. That’s good.”

“And they’ll ask next time too.” She’d make sure of it. 

“-should be there. Should have noticed something.” 

Beau didn’t have an answer. She felt the same way. She just kept hugging Jester until the other girl felt able to let go. 

“Yasha will let us know if anything happens.” 

Jester nodded and scrubbed at her eyes and indicated the gas pump. 

“We should probably fill up huh?”

“Yeah if we’re ever going to get Fjord to his dumb truck.” Beau squinted towards the store. “He had better be getting us snacks in there.”

Fjord, it turned out, had gotten them snacks. He handed them out as the two girls filled him in on the news back home. Beau had taken over driving and Jester had moved over to the passenger seat. Fjord sat in the back, leaning forward to talk. 

“I know we had a bunch of road trip plans but we could just make a straight shot.”

“But it’s your home town Fjord. Didn’t you want to spend some time there?” Jester asked.

“You two can drop me off and head back early. I’ll catch up with some folks and follow after. I really just wanted to check in on Vandren and pick up the truck. You two don’t need to stay for that.”

That sounded good to Beau but Jester was twisting at candy wrappers. 

“But you sounded so excited to show us around Port Damali Fjord.”

“We can do that another time. It won’t be any fun if we’re all just fretting the whole time.”

“Another roadtrip?” Jester snuffled but sounded hopeful.

“Yeah, and next time we’ll bring everyone along. Yasha and Nott and Caleb and Molly. That way we don’t have to spend the whole trip worried.”

That cheered up Jester enormously.

“We can go in the summer! And make it an extra long trip! We could even visit my Mama! She wants to meet everyone so bad!”

“It’s a plan then. Summer trip to the coast. I promised you surfing lessons, the weather will be better for it then.”

“I want in on those by the way.”  Beau cut in.

“Oh my gosh you guys. It’s going to be so much fun.” Jester settled back in her seat looking happier. “Beau it’s your turn to pick the music. What do you want to listen to?”

Beau kept her eyes focused on the road and grabbed a handful of pretzels from the open bag between her and Jester. She crammed them in her mouth and spoke through the crumbs.

“Something loud and shouty.”

“Loud and shouty it is!” Jester cheered.

Beau put her foot down on the gas and the little purple bug picked up speed heading west.  

 

Yasha met them at the car. Molly had texted her while he waited in the car with Caleb for Nott to return . The little goblin had run up to her apartment and reappeared a few minutes later with a ratty duffle bag stuffed full and an unhappy sounding cat carrier. Frumpkin was still hissing and spitting by the time they pulled up to the curb.

"Nott, I'll get your bag. Why don't you get Frumpkin and let Yasha take care of Caleb?"

Nott hadn't looked thrilled at the suggestion, but Caleb was still passed out in the back seat. Boneless dead weight that neither her nor Molly were capable of lifting. Thank the gods for Yasha. She let the other girl hover while she carefully maneuvered Caleb out of the car. 

"Anything I should be careful of?" Yasha kept her voice soft. Nott shook her head.

"He's all healed." She bit her lip. "He doesn't like it when his arms are trapped or if you hold his wrists too tight."

"Okay." Yasha lifted the unconscious man with absolute care. She was frowning. 

"Here, Nott." Molly handed handed her the keys to the apartment. "You go first. I'm going to spot Yasha on the stairs. Nott took the keys and grimly picked up the cat carrier. 

"Which door is yours?"

"302 B" The goblin nodded and started for the stairs. 

"Everything alright?" Molly asked Yasha quietly as they followed Nott. Yasha gingerly adjusted her grip on the blanket wrapped man. 

"He is very light." That Molly already knew. 

"We'll see what we can do about that, yeah?"

"Yeah." Yasha focused on navigating the stairs. "Beau called earlier. We should let her know what's going on once we're settled."

"Was everything alright?" Molly followed a two steps behind.

"She was worried."

Ahead of them Nott had gotten the door and was waiting at the entrance with her arms full of cat. 

"You can go in Nott. I have the couch set up for you two." Yasha directed the tiny girl inside edging in sideways as not to jostle Caleb. Molly brought up the rear and pulled the door shut as quietly as he could.  

Yasha had made up the fold out couch with a pile of pillows and extra blankets. Nott had set Frumpkin down and was pulling back the blankets to make room for Caleb. He was dead to the world. Face completely relaxed and free of pain and worry. He didn't so much as twitch as the girls pulled off his boots and tucked him in. 

"Does he sleep better on his back or side." Yasha asked. Nott scrunched up her face and shrugged. 

"He moves around a lot. As long as his arms are free. He normally has another blanket for his shoulders so he doesn't get tangled."

Molly left the two of them to it and retreated into the kitchen to make something hot to drink. He ignored the abandoned tea from the morning. It felt years and miles away. And instead rooted around the cupboard for something sweeter. They could all do with some sugar after a day like today. He poked his head out into the living room. 

"Any takers for cocoa?"

He gets a thumbs up from Yasha and a grimace from Nott. 

"Do you have anything stronger?" She asked. 

"Hot cider and whiskey?."

"That would be nice."

"Uh, me too please." 

He shot Yasha a grin and ducked back into the kitchen. The cider was a bit expired but the whiskey wasn’t and neither was the honey he finds tucked behind the tea. He reemerged ten minutes later with three steaming mugs to find Yasha and Nott sitting shoulder to shoulder watching the beginning of a nature documentary. Nott had a fuzzy blanket thrown over her shoulders and the volume was turned down low. Frumpkin had been released and was laying next to the greasy head of Caleb looking suspiciously at everything. He handed off the mugs to grateful hands. And all three of them sat and enjoyed the hot drinks and quiet.

“Should give Beau a call. I can do it if you’re all talked out.”

Yasha considered his offer and nodded slowly.

“Please. If she needs to talk then I can or text. But-” she cut herself off with a shrug.

“I’ll let her know. Nott, did you want to pass anything on to the road trip crew?”

“Hmmm?” The goblin was already dozing into her half finished mug. She blinked a few times, thinking. “Could you let them know everything’s fine now. And sorry for sending so many messages?”

Her eyes were drooping shut. The past few days catching up with her now that she could finally slow down and breathe. Yasha rescued her mug as it began to tilt dangerously in little claw hands.

“I know they didn’t mind Nott,” but I’ll let them know you said so.

The goblins eyes were closed and her breathing evened out. Yasha and Molly shared a smile.

“I’m going to talk in your room okay?” It was at the end of the hall furthest from the living room.

“Keep the door shut. I moved the lilies in there for now.” Molly hadn’t even thought of that.

“Thanks for thinking of Frumpkin.” He pressed a kiss the top of Yasha’s head and retreated in to her room and its riot of green, shutting the door softly behind him.

The phone rang once before Beau picked up.

“Molly? One sec-” She voice dimmed as she talked away from the speaker. “Fjord, it’s Molly. Yeah get me whatever you get. Let Jester know I’ll be outside.”

“Where are you?” There was a sound of chatter in the background.

“We stopped for dinner at some truckstop burger joint. We’re trying to get to the border tonight. What’s up?” She asked the question like it had been on her mind for hours. It probably had been. They were cutting their trip short. Jester had been so excited about it. She had been sending him all sorts of pictures and posting updates the whole way.

“Everyone is okay. It’s fine now.” He led with that. Trying to slow down Beau’s anxiety. It hadn't turned out fine. But everyone was here, warm dry and alive at least.

“It was Caleb right? What the fuck happened? You took him to Caduceus?” He could hear the day of tension behind Beau’s voice could feel it in his shoulders. He thought back on the day and tried to find a way to explain it. Platitudes and little, kinder lies slipped through his fingers and the only way he could face forward was telling the truth.

“It- it wasn’t good Beau.” The look of complete panic and defeat on the gaunt and fevered face was burned in to Molly’s shoddy memory. Retching from the floor and bringing up nothing but bile. Shaking so hard Molly was sure he was going to fall apart until Nott had stepped in. Swearing and yelling with all her protective glory. And Caleb’s arms. Tearing off the bandages with a blank face that made Molly’s skin crawl. Revealing a mess of infection and unnatural burns. And under those the faint white lines that made Molly feel something cold and sharp.  “Physically he’s going to be fine, Caduceus patched up alright. But this whole situation was down to his actions.”

“Did he hurt himself?” Her words were low and as cold as stone.

“Not exactly. Not on purpose I don’t think.” This time. ”But he didn’t get help and he let things get bad.”

There was a long silence and a deep breath and a soft “fuck” that Molly wasn’t sure he was suppose to hear.

“I should have been there. I fucking knew something was up. I should have-” She bit at her words, anger choking her off. Molly didn’t have any comfort. He didn’t exactly know the pair that well. Other than worry the only emotion he could muster at the moment was relief. Nott had asked for help. Caleb had accepted the help. Although Molly wasn’t sure how present the man had been the entire time. It had been nice cuddling on the front steps looking out over Cad’s winter garden once the panic of the situation had passed. Molly was sure cuddling was off the table once Caleb was actually lucid. But it had been nice.

"Are you still with them? I want to talk to Caleb." Beau gritted out. Molly was sure the next conversation those two had would be  _ extremely  _ calm and collected.

"I brought them back home with me. I didn't think their place would be the best for recuperating." That place was gross. It looked dingier and less inviting every time Molly saw it. "The healing pretty much knocked Caleb out on the spot and Nott fell asleep as soon as she stopped moving. I don't think either of them have gotten a whole lot of sleep the past few days." 

Weeks. Months. Molly was interested to see what Caleb would look like well rested and well fed. The man might even smile.

Beau seemed to get her anger mostly under control. Mostly she just sounded tired. “We’re just going to drop Fjord off and head back. Should be back the day after tomorrow.”

Molly wanted to say there was no hurry. That everything was fine now. But he thought back on Yasha’s grim look as she lifted Caleb. Nott’s half awake words.

“Alright, well keep us updated. Yasha said you could call if you needed but I think she's pretty peopled out so text might be better."

Beau mumbled something on the other end of the line.

"What was that darling?"

"Oh fuck you Molly. Tell her I love her and I'll see her when I get back."

"I'll be sure to let her know. But Beau,"

"What?"

"You're going to have to tell her that you love her face to face one of these days."

Beau hung up.

Molly was still chuckling when his phone buzzed a minute later.

5:47 blu lesbean

**thanks.**

5:47 blu lesbean

**for helping.**

Molly sent back a kissy face and got the middle finger in return.

He smiled and made his way back to the living room making sure to close the door behind him. Not that he thought Frumpkin was moving any time soon. When Molly returned to the couch the cat had relaxed into puddle of fluff almost completely covering Caleb's head. The cat's eyes were open but they blinked slowly at Molly as he entered the room. Molly blinked back. Nott had curled into a ball and was snoring softly into the blanket. Yasha looked up at him.

"Beau said they were heading back early and that she loves you. Should be back the day after tomorrow."

Yasha's smile set something soft alight in Molly's chest. He gave Beau a lot of shit because of who she was as a person. But he was glad they found each other. He wiggled his way into small amount of open space on the couch bed. Yasha threw an arm over his shoulders and they let the calming nature doc wash over them. Molly let himself doze for a while. The high stress of the day finally seeping from his bones.

"We should probably get groceries."

"Mmm," Molly hummed in agreement. He was a little too comfortable to move just then. "If you make a list I can run out in just a bit."

"In just a bit." Yasha agreed.

 

Molly came awake slowly the next morning enjoying the rare sunshine spilling across his bed and the lack of urgent phone calls. There was the sound of quiet voices in the living room. Yasha and Nott, no Caleb. Molly stretched but didn't get up quite yet. He spent some time scrolling through his phone. Jester had posted a picture of her and Beau looking exhausted in some greasy spoon diner wearing ‘I heart Port Damli’ t-shirts. Jester had a mountain of whipped cream and pancakes in front of her and Beau had what looked like a plate of just bacon. Both had grins on their faces. 

Molly’s stomach gurgled. Breakfast sounded like a pretty good idea. He rolled out of bed and scrounged for some clean pants. 

Yasha had returned to the couch and her and Nott were sitting criss cross facing each other. Nott was watching Yasha intently, a pair of borrowed knitting needles in her little hands as the larger woman slowly added stitch after stitch. 

“Like this?” The goblin gave it a try with clever but not confident fingers. 

“Almost, this part goes under here.”

Nott made a noise of comprehension and tried it again.

Molly watched them work for a while. Not quite ready to disturb the peaceful scene. He looked over to the other side of the couch and had to fight back a laugh. Two skinny bandaged arms stuck out from under a pile of blankets. Caleb was loosely hugging an also asleep Fumpkin. The cat was stretched out in all his fluffy glory, Caleb’s face pressed into the soft belly fur. Molly was surprised the man could breath like that. He couldn’t resist taking a picture. He sent it to Beau  with a quick message.

9:12 purble man?

**Photo Attachment**

9:12 purble man?

**all okay for now <3**

He tucked his phone away and looked over to the girls, too caught up in their knitting to notice him yet. He watched them until Yasha looked up at him with a small smile. 

“Good morning Molly”

“Morning, having fun? He smiled back. Nott looked over her shoulder at him. Took in the lack of hurry and gave him an amicable nod. “What are you two working on?”

“Something warm for Caleb,” the green girl took a moment to shake out her claws and got back to knitting. “Yasha said there’s a big storm coming.”

Molly hadn’t heard anything on the news but he trusted Yasha. If she said there was a storm coming then there was probably a storm coming.

“First of the season. It’ll probably hit next weekend.” Yasha didn’t look up from her work but Molly knew her tells. She was excited.

“Well now, we can’t be facing that on an empty stomach now can we? Everyone up for breakfast? I got some pancake mix last night.”

Yasha raised an eyebrow and began to put away her knitting. 

“Do you need any help?” She asked. Molly wasn’t a bad cook. He was just usually a distracted one. Especially with so many new people in the apartment. 

“I don’t need any help but I wouldn’t mind some company.”

“Nott, do you want to join us in the kitchen? I can show you how to cast off.”

The pancakes were, for once, not burnt and liberally covered in syrup and butter. Molly got fancy with the last few and threw in some freezer burnt blueberries. Nott devoured all that was put in front of her with an enthusiasm only a goblin could manage. Molly wasn’t sure if that was regular Nott or if she was just starving from yesterday. He had been with her for a majority of it and he hadn’t actually seen her eat anything. He had missed dinner too. They had all been too caught up in Caleb. Either way it was nice his cooking was appreciated. He was happy to listen to Nott and Yasha talk about knitting projects. He turned on the little transistor radio down low and swayed around the kitchen to the noise. 

“If you want to knit a hat you’re probably going to need circular needles. That’d be easiest. It might be easier on your hands too.” So Yasha had noticed the smaller girl shaking out cramps too. Maybe goblin hands weren’t suited to the small repetitive motions. Maybe it was just Nott’s hands.

“Where do I get those?” Nott’s face scrunched up.

“There’s a pretty good fiber craft store called Jannick’s on the North side of town.” Yasha shot Molly a look he didn’t quite catch. “I think I have some coupons. If you wanted to I could drive you over after breakfast?”

“Oh” the goblin twisted at her claws and looked towards the living room. “But Caleb. He might-” She trailed off as worry seemed to well up in her again.

“Cad said this kind of sleeping after the amount he healed yesterday wasn’t too unusual. Caleb probably won’t be up for awhile.”

Nott seemed to think hard and then looked up to Yasha. “Okay, if you don’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

Molly began shepherding them out of the kitchen. “Go on you two, I can get the dishes.”

There was a scramble for coats and shoes and bags. Well Nott seemed to scramble, Yasha was her usual efficiency. Molly took a break from scrubbing off syrup to peer into the living room. Nott seemed to be ready to go in her green raincoat with the hood pulled up and rainboots that seemed to be half made of duct tape. She was having a very low, very serious conversation with Frumpkin. The cat seemed to be awake but unmoving and apparently ignoring her. Yasha appeared.

“We shouldn’t be gone too long. Text if you need anything?”

“Will do.” Molly stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“If Caleb wakes up will you be sure to tell him where I am. And text me?” Nott asked him. She had pulled up her surgical mask but he could see the seriousness of her in her eyebrows. 

“Absolutely.”

They left. And Molly was on his own in the quiet of the apartment. There was the sound of soft breathing from the couch. And too soft music from the radio. He shook his head and busied himself with the dishes again. Turning up the music just a few more notches to fill the space. 

He finished with the dishes and puttered for a while. Not really getting anything done but not willing to do nothing. Eventually, he ended up on the couch next to Caleb. Texting Jester with terrible daytime TV on in the background. Her and Beau were making good time and she was already planning another road trip for the summer, with everyone included this time so it wouldn’t get cut short. They texted ideas and wishes back and forth for awhile. Mapping out routes and stops and attractions. Molly had never been to the coast before and Jester wanted to show him everything. Eventually, Jester said it was her turn drive but that she’d text him later. Molly stretched out a bit. There wasn’t a whole lot to do but wait around. He looked over at Caleb. There wasn’t really much to see. Maybe a tuft of reddish hair. Part of an arm. The rest of the man was obscured but the piles of blankets. Molly sighed and stared at the ceiling. Not the most exciting of house guests. But Molly was glad Caleb was here. 

He must have drifted off to the droning sound of reality courtroom because the next thing Molly knew it was an hour later and he was being startled awake. He looked over to find the pile of blankets empty. He sat up, peering over the side of the pullout. Caleb was half crouched half kneeling. His eyes were blank and even in the huddled position he was swaying. 

“Are you okay?” There wasn’t a response. “Caleb?”

Caleb scrunched his eyes shut in an apparent attempt to stabilize.

“I am okay. I am fine.”

“You sure?” Molly hadn’t known Caleb for very long but the man had looked neither okay or fine the entire time. 

“Just stood up too fast. I am fine.”

Molly had to scramble over the mattress to get behind Caleb as the man attempted to stand again. His knees shook, he swayed dangerously. Molly grabbed an elbow and looked into a still fairly blank face. He wasn’t sure Caleb was properly awake.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked gently. It took a few moments for the words to sink in. Caleb blinked at him.

“Hmmm? Oh, bathroom.”

Ah well, you didn’t need to be 100% awake for that. It made sense, the man had been asleep for nearly twenty hours. 

“Oh, it’s right through here. Second door.” Molly hovered behind the unsteady Caleb and pointed out the correct door. Caleb mumbled his thanks and wobbled his way over. The door clicked shut and Molly was left in the hallway, listening to make sure the man didn’t collapse again and hit his head on the tile. Nott would kill him. 

Caleb took his time in the bathroom. Molly was just about to knock and ask if everything was okay when there was a flush and the sound of running water. Molly retreated. 

The man exited the bathroom and stared at Molly who was perched on the couch pretending to do something interesting on his phone. Caleb blinked and looked very lost and very confused. He looked a little steadier but not by much. His hair and beard looked damp, he must have splashed some water on his face to wake up. 

“Nott’s out with Yasha. They went to the craft store for some knitting supplies.”

Caleb looked more confused. 

“Knitting? Wass-” Molly’s smile didn’t seem to help.

“It seems you’ve got a goblin made hat in your future.”

“O-oh?” Frumpkin seemed to notice his human floundering and hopped off the couch to wind his way around Caleb’s feet. Meowing to be picked up. That seemed to do the trick because the confusion soften just a little bit. Caleb crouched and picked up the cat with a bit of a wobble and a definite groan that Molly ignored. Caleb hugged his cat and looked all around the room, everywhere but at Molly. He was swaying a little bit but it seemed to be his own doing. Shifting weight slowly from foot to foot. Not the lack of balance from before.

“Where?” Caleb asked. He looked fragile. His clothes were rumpled and hanging off his thin frame, the green stained wraps on his arms were coming unraveled. Eyes, still with great bruised bags underneath, roved around the room looking for something familiar. They settled on Nott’s backpack and the cat carrier. The sun shone out from behind a cloud and streamed through the curtains with a soft clean light. Molly tried to do the same with his voice.

“We brought you here after Caduceus’. Thought it’d be easier on Nott in case something else came up.”

“Ah.” A blush began to creep across the pale freckled face and down towards sharp collar bones. Molly did a worse job of ignoring that. Caleb continued. “Thank you. A-again. For yesterday-” he trailed off but managed a vague gesture despite his arms being full of cat. The more awake Caleb seemed to become the more he closed off. Thoughts piling in, weighing down on his shoulders with shame. He curled in on himself around his cat. 

None of that.

“Not a problem.” Molly stood and tucked his phone away. “Now, I promised I’d feed you.”

“You do not have to-” Molly waved him off and started for the kitchen. 

“Nonsense, Nott, Yasha, and me all got pancakes for breakfast. We can’t leave you out now can we? Although,” Molly looked at the clock. “It’s closer to lunch time now.”

He looked back over his shoulder at the frozen man. “You’re welcome to keep me company in the kitchen. Or you can watch some more TV on the couch.”

A garish theme song played from the TV as another equally garish episode of some game show started up. Caleb grimaced at Molly’s bright smile.

“Come on. Cats are allowed in the kitchen.” He continued into the kitchen, hearing quiet footsteps following. He didn’t look at Caleb as the man settled on one of the counter stools. In the corner, back to the wall, same one Nott had picked. Instead, Molly made himself busy rummaging through the cupboards. 

“We could do pancakes, or something else if you’d like? We’ve got some soup. Or maybe a sandwich?”

“Ah, I don’t mind. Please don’t bother-” Molly absolutely wanted to bother. But he was probably offering too many options. Narrow it down to yes or no. His hand landed on a can of fish. Perfect.

“How about some tuna melts? That way everyone can share.” He chanced a glance at the cat in Caleb’s arms and snorted. The cat was seated with the man’s arms wrapped around them. Frumpkin had managed to wriggle his front paws out and had them on the countertop. He was watching Molly intently. 

“I think I know someone’s vote.” He said indicating the cat. Caleb glanced down and Molly got to see the start of a small smile lift at the corners of the usually grim mouth. 

“Ja, tuna melts sound good.”

“Perfect!” Molly busied himself pulling out cheese and bread and butter. He kept the radio on to fill the silence. Caleb didn’t seem like he was up to much talking. In fact when Molly glanced over he had his head resting against the wall and seemed to be dozing. Frumpkin’s eyes were open though. The cat was watching Molly’s every move. He made a face at it and got to making sandwiches. 

They were quick to make. And even though he wasn’t incredibly hungry he made one for himself as well. He had a hunch that Caleb was a social eater, more likely to actually eat something if he had company doing the same. The Mona and Yuli were like that, it wasn’t usually a problem, they were always together. It was only when their schedules diverged that they had to be watched. Although Toya or Molly were always happy to fill in as lunch buddies no matter how prickly the twins could be. Caleb was probably similar. Or at least he wouldn’t remember to eat with out company. And Nott was out so Molly would have to do. 

The clatter of the plate setting down in front of him startled Caleb out of his stupor. Molly held back a chuckle at the look of confusion the sandwich got. 

“Do you want something to drink? Water? Milk? Tea?”

“Oh, um. Water, please.”

Molly filled two mugs and sat down next to Caleb with his own sandwich. He could sense the man stiffen at the proximity but Molly ignored it. Instead choosing to chat about not much and eat his own sandwich. Sure enough, that seemed to settle Caleb enough for him to actually focus on his own food. Molly talked about how the troupe was doing with the new show, how boring his other job was as a ticket taker at the bigger theater in town, the storm Yasha said was on it’s way. Anything that came to mind. Caleb didn’t contribute much but he did make it through three quarters of the sandwich before giving up and feeding pieces of tuna to Frumpkin. He moved slowly, it looked like an effort to keep his eyes open. 

Most of a sandwich wasn’t bad. Molly considered it a success. He was just about done with his own sandwich when his phone chimed with a photo from Yasha.

It showed a slightly blurry, very determined Nott eight feet up a towering shelf of yarn. Her feet were bare and hooked into two cubbies, rain boots left behind on the ground. She was reaching for a lovely deep blue ball of yarn a few shelves above. She had a fierce look on her face, her mask was down and her tongue was peeping out between her teeth. Molly couldn’t help but laugh. He showed the picture to Caleb.

“Looks like the shopping is going well.”

That actually got a chuckle out of Caleb. He zoomed in on the picture to frame Nott’s look of determination, pale face lighting up with a fondness. 

Molly was close enough to see how the corners of Caleb’s eyes crinkled up when he really smiled. 

“She looks like she is in heaven. I do not know if I should be grateful or scared.”

Molly sputtered for words for a moment, eventually coming up with “Both. Probably.”

“Ja, probably.” Caleb was still smiling slightly as he turned back to his plate.

They lapsed into silence. Molly fiddled around with the crumbs left of his sandwich. Caleb rested his chin on his palm and absently scratched Frumpkin, blue eyes drifting shut.  

“You can go back to the couch if you want. You look done in.”

Caleb blinked, owl like at Molly. Properly meeting his eyes for the first time all day. There was a slow realization as Caleb remembered where he was and Molly’s words sunk in. The blush returned over nose and cheeks, crawling up his ears. He broke the eye contact, pressing his chin into Frumpkin’s head. 

“Sorry. I keep-” He ran an exhausted hand through his long and tangled hair.

“You’re fine. Cad said you’d probably be tired after all the healing.” Although Molly wasn’t sure Caduceus had meant Caleb would be this tired. The man had barely been up for less than an hour and he looked like he was barely able to stay awake. His body was probably just recovering. It had looked like a pretty nasty infection. On top of the probably lack of sleep and good food. Caleb just needed rest and a few square meals. 

“Go lay down.” Molly took his plate and it’s mostly finished sandwich and stacked it on his own. He moved to the sink, giving Caleb a clear path out. “I’m sure Nott and Yasha will wake you up to show you their haul when they get back.”

Caleb nodded, no apparent energy to argue, eyes already at half mast. He shuffled back to the living room, Frumpkin cradled in his arms. He looked like he might already be asleep on his feet. Molly followed quietly a few feet back just to make sure he actually made it to the couch. It took a few minutes of inching along, and then sitting on the edge of the pull out couch and just staring at the wall. Eventually remembering to actually lay down. Frumpkin prodded around the bed for a bit before settling again at Caleb’s head. Molly waited a few minutes for the man’s breathing to even out. And then he crept in and tugged a few blankets over the fast asleep man. He snuck back in the kitchen and sent an update to Yasha and Nott. Letting them know Caleb had been up, had eaten something, and had now gone back to bed.  

12:22 dearheart <3

**Finished at the craft store. Getting food now. Should be back 30min.**

12:23 Mol

**Take your time, its all calm here**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll deal with the consequences in a little bit. For now they can all be soft.
> 
> Chapter title is from [ This Year](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eetIgGXH6DA) by the Mountain Goats.
> 
> Summer means work life and life life are all a little busier. So chapters are a little slower (if you have noticed) but I am truckin along.


	10. I'll tell you in street intersections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big old spoilers and warnings for Caleb's backstory. Some of the dialogue is directly from episode 18 but there are some additions.

Caleb came aware slowly. He had a slight headache, his mouth tasted like fish, and he couldn’t quite remember where he was. He shifted, burrowing his head in to familiar smelling pillows.

“Caleb? Are you awake?” Nott’s voice came soft from over his shoulder.

“No, I do not think so.” He grumbled, turning over so he could face her. There was a laugh, deeper than Nott’s. A half remembered sandwich and kitchen filled with quiet music came to mind. Mollymauk. They were at his and Yasha’s apartment. Imposing on practically strangers for who knew how long. The car ride. The house in the woods. The healer. The memory of yesterday’s panic settled on Caleb’s bones. That smell and the sensation of magic. 

Caleb sat up abruptly. And had to shut his eyes against the dizzy black static that filled his vision and filled his ears. It took a few seconds to clear. There was a tug on his sleeve and Caleb blinked hard to focus in on Nott.

“Are you alright Caleb?” He could see worry etched into her green face. 

“Fine. Just fine. I sat up too fast.” 

That didn’t seem to reassure her. If anything the worry deepened and her eyes narrowed. 

“Really, are you sure?” He had told her that before. 

“Really.” He meant it this time. He was still exhausted, but other than a bit of a tingly ache in his arms he felt better than he had in ages. “I am okay now,” thank you got stuck in his throat. 

“You gave me a scare.” She still hadn’t let go of his sleeve.

“I am sorry.” He was. He had dragged her and Mollymauk into his problems. They had seen how badly Caleb had messed up. They had seen it branded into his skin. 

“You’re fine.” She twisted her claws but spoke soft. “No trouble at all.”

“Happy to help.” Mollymauk was there too. Lounging on the other side of the bed with a tangled mass of yarn in his hands. Caleb couldn’t manage to look him in the eye. Nott was his limit today and even that was a struggle. 

“I’m going to see how Yasha is doing with the soup.” The tiefling got up with a smile and disappeared into the kitchen. Leaving Caleb alone with Nott. Frumpkin wiggled his way out of some blankets and snuck into Caleb’s lap. 

“You’re really okay? You were sleeping for a really long time.” Caleb took her hand in his.

“I am okay now. Because of you.” He cleared his throat and couldn’t look up. “Thank you.”

She scrunched up her face in that way when she was pleased but too embarrassed to smile. She leaned in close to whisper.

“Great, because between you and me I’m going to stab someone if I have to watch another soap opera.”

“What’s this about stabbing?” Mollymauk’s voice came from the kitchen. Either this apartment had thin walls or he had excellent hearing or both. Nott glowered in a way that wasn’t entirely bad natured. 

“I said I’m going to stab you if I have to watch another episode of your stupid soap”

The tiefling appeared looking wounded. 

“But Nott, how can you say no to the irresistible romance of Tusk Love? It’s one of Jester’s favorite shows.”

“I’ve read Jester’s cereal box mascot fanfiction. She’s not a good judge of content.”

Mollymauk’s look of betrayal morphed into a grimace. 

“Fair, fair. Well, you two at least have to stay for dinner because we made too much soup for just two people to eat and I don’t want a million years of leftovers.”

Caleb could manage some soup, just barely. He wasn’t hungry but that wasn’t unusual. And there was the lunch he had with Mollymauk which Caleb was trying to not think about. It hadn’t been as terrible as it could have been. Alone in a basic stranger’s apartment with favor after favor piling up and nothing to repay the tiefling with. Mollymauk had filled the silence with unexpectant chatter. He had given Caleb too many choices and then had backed off into yes and no territory. He seemed to adore Frumpkin, enjoy Nott’s presence. And despite only interacting with Caleb when Caleb was at his worst, genuinely friendly. All of this was strange. Mollymauk Tealeaf was strange. Caleb didn’t deserve the kindness that Nott gave him, let alone that of someone who had only seen him pale, shaky, and falling apart. 

Caleb picked at the unraveling bandages on one wrist to avoid looking at Nott. He could feel her watching him over. He had scared her. He had underestimated how much she cared about him. How much lying about how he had scared her. 

Little green hands neatened rough green bandages. 

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s eat some soup and fix your arms up. Then we can bully Molly into driving us home.”

The tiefling in question laughed, already moving back to the kitchen with the knowledge he’d be followed.

“No bullying necessary! I’d be happy to drive. I’m sure you two will sleep better in your own beds rather than our lumpy pull-out.”

Caleb’s bed was just as lumpy and Nott slept in more of a nest but neither of them said anything. They just followed Mollymauk into the warmth of the kitchen. Nott stayed close by Caleb’s side. He couldn’t help but sway as he stood, vision darkening slightly. He rubbed at his eyes and blinked the black static away. Nott didn’t say anything.

The soup was good but Caleb could only manage to pick at it. He was still so tired. Nott and Mollymauk chatted or argued over something to do with a soap opera. Yasha joined Caleb in silence. The conversation went on and Caleb’s head drooped. 

His spoon slipped out his lax grip and clattered into his half full bowl. He startled, head jerking up to see everyone staring at him. He blinked sleep away and ducked his head back down, blushing. He missed the soft look from Nott shared by Molly, and the worry from Yasha. 

“O-oh, sorry” He didn’t move to pick up the spoon. He had only been moving chunks of potato and beef around for the last 10 minutes. A purple hand reached into view and removed the now cold soup.

“No worries,” Mollymauk sounded far too kind. “Nott, you said you wanted to rewrap Caleb’s arms.”

“Yeah, Caduceus said it was super important to stay on top of it the next few days until the itching gets better.”

 She was already hopping off her stool and disappearing into the living room. Reappearing a second later with her backpack. She looked to Mollymauk for a second for a nod and then scrambled back up next to Caleb. Yasha was clearing the dishes already, busying herself at the sink. Both Nott and Molly had their eyes on him though. They wouldn’t let him try to hide away. Nott patted the counter top and pulled out a jar full of dark green paste. 

“Come on, I’ll show you how to do it. Caduceus taught me how to make the gloop. It’s supposed to help with the scarring and the itching.”

Caleb’s arms weren’t that itchy, yet, they were just tingly mostly. He didn’t want to look at them. Not yet. 

He rested his arms on the counter. Nott hummed a little tuneless song under her breath while she helped up unwrap one arm and then the other. The dried poultice came away easily. Mollymauk dragged the garbage can over for Nott to chuck the stained mass of wrap, herb, and gauze into. Caleb stared over her shoulder at the wall. Unwilling to look down at the moment. He jumped at the first smear of cold against his arm, and wrinkled his nose smell of strong but not entirely unpleasant herb.  

“Sorry, should have warned you.” Nott sounded apologetic. He shook his head. 

“No, its fine. It is fine.” He couldn’t gesture without his hands so he ended up just wiggling his nose. Nott raised a confused eyebrow, placing gauze pads on top of the paste to keep it in place. Caleb didn’t have much of an explanation. “The smell. It is fine.”

“The smell?” 

“Ja”

It took a moment for slow comprehension to spread across her face. She lowered her voice but that didn’t mean much in the smallness of the kitchen. 

“Is that what bugged you about Caduceus’ place? The smell?” Bugged was a funny way of saying had a total break down. Caleb nodded. Nott went back to humming but there was even less of a tune as before. She focused on his arms, neatly wrapping from wrist to elbow. He stared over her shoulder. 

“Well,” she said, tucking the last bandage end in, “good to know. Thanks for telling me.”

There was something in something in her voice he wasn’t quite able to read. Mollymauk was scrolling through something on his phone. Yasha had finished the dishes. Caleb flexed his hands. 

“Is that too tight?” Nott asked. Caleb shook his head. 

“No, no. it’s perfect. Thank you Nott.” He rolled down his sleeves. Nott screwed the lid back on the jar and it disappeared back into her bag along with the extra gauze and bandages. Mollymauk tucked his phone away.  

“Well, I do believe we’ve kept you two far too long” The tiefling stood up and stretched “Shall I give you two a ride home?”

Nott and Mollymauk gathered up her and Caleb’s sparse belongings while Caleb watched dazedly from the couch. Frumpkin was rumbling in his arms and he was trying very hard to stay awake. He felt fine, just exhausted. Mollymauk had said the the healer didn’t think that was unusual. And Caleb had been very sick. Maybe he just needed another 20 hours of sleep. Maybe that would fix him. He rubbed at his eyes and blinked at Mollymauk. The tiefling was holding up the cat carrier, he had said something. 

“Do you need to put Frumpkin in here?”

Caleb shook his head and held back a yawn. 

“No, he doesn’t like the carrier much.” Caleb stared at Mollymauk’s smiling mouth instead of his red eyes. Nott tugged at his sleeve with his familiar brown coat in her arms.

“Ready to go?” She asked.

“Ja.” As run down and gloomy as their apartment was, he was ready to go home. To be alone, to be anonymous. He adjusted Frumpkin in his arms and follow Nott and Molly out to the car. He had to squint at the white gray of the sky. The air was damp and cold but the fresh air felt good on his face. He rode in the front seat but let Nott do most of the talking.  

  
  


Beau walked fast, legs stiff, heals striking hard. The look on her face cleared her path.

She knew his schedule. She waited two days for a phone call, a text message, anything. Not much from Nott. The girl would respond to Beau’s texts with cagey answers but that wasn’t unusual. Nothing from Caleb. 

She and Jester had gone to Yasha and Molly’s apartment as soon as they back. They didn’t stop by the house for a change of clothes and a shower. They didn’t stop for food. They knocked on the apartment door to find Yasha was at work and Molly telling them everything was alright.  No Caleb. No Nott. They could go home.

She went to the library. When she knew he’d be there. 

She shoved open the front entrance and ignored Xenoth’s look of confusion from the front desk. The book cart was missing and so was Caleb. Which meant he was reshelving books somewhere. It took her less than two minutes to find him. 

She stalked down the aisle towards him. He looked pale. He looked gaunt. He looked exhausted. She could see his hands shaking from where she was. He looked up at the sound of her footsteps. For a moment his face was open with surprise and then he seemed to see her expression. His brow furrowed and he hunched his shoulders defensively. 

“Beauregard…” His voice was low and unsure and he wouldn’t look her in the eye. She closed the distance between them in an instant and cut him off before he could say anything else. The words welled up in her like bile and lacking kindness. There were so many things she wanted to say. How she should have been here in the first place. How she had raced back to find the emergency was over. How useless she had been. How much worry she had felt and how strange that had been. 

But all that came out was:

“You don’t get to hurt yourself.” Not anymore. 

Not when we care about you this much. Not after all the time and conversations. After all these months. She knew him better. She should have known him better.

He looked like he was getting just as angry as she felt but he was much better at keeping his voice down.

“I do not want to talk here and I did not-” Beau didn’t want to hear it. Not after frantic phone calls and the stress of being useless miles and miles away. Not after the ignored messages. She surged forward and books tumbled to the ground as she grabbed at one bony wrist. He tried to pull away but Beau was too quick. She caught him and wrenched up sleeve before could pull away. 

There were bandages around his wrists but beyond that the new pink of the scars stood out starkly against the stained green paleness of his skin. Spidery tissue in the clear shape of thin fingers wrapped around his forearms. Beneath those she could see older lines tracing up his arms telling another story. She kind of wanted to cry and she kind of wanted to hit something. But she couldn’t do either so she just yelled. 

“THEN. WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THIS?” 

The words were loud. Too loud in the quiet of the shelves and books. She saw his flinch and felt sick in her chest. It felt like she had punched through a window and now she had to deal with the broken glass. Now that she was holding his arm she could feel the shaking worse than ever. His eyes were wide, fixed to a point on the carpet behind her. She let her anger fall back some but didn’t let go of his arm. She waited. If she spoke now she’d fuck it up further.  It took him a few moments and a few shakey deep breaths. She didn’t let go. 

“I-I said I do not want to talk here.” His voice was a gravelly whisper. 

It was all Beau could do to manage a whisper in return.

“Then where Caleb?” Her worry still fueled some heat. “When are we going to talk about this?” She wasn’t going to let this slip by like everything else. “Because if this has anything to do with the  _ curse, _ “ she whispered that.”Then I swear to god I will take that book and-” 

She bit off her own words when his eyes snapped to hers. She hadn’t meant it like that. Not like a threat. But the look of fear in his eyes let her know without a doubt how he had interpreted the words. She could see him thinking, the gears shifting.  He opened and shut his mouth a few times. Desperately thinking.

“Not here.” She waited for him to say more. She needed more than that. “And not without Nott.”

She was fine with that. More than fine. 

“Tonight.” Beau wasn’t sure if that was a question or a demand. Either way it got a slow nod from Caleb. 

“Tonight.” He repeated like a man setting the date and time of his own execution. 

Beau let go of his arm. He hugged himself and the two of them stood in the silence of the library. An apology got stuck in Beau’s throat. She was still mad. And she wasn’t sure where to put the anger.  She help him pick up the books. Watching his face, looking for any wince or sign of pain. But Caleb’s face had shifted into an unsettling blank mask. He took the last book from her and straightened up. 

“I will text you. When I’m off. At the apartment. And Nott.” He forced the words out and Beau didn’t have anything else to say so she watched him put books back on the shelves, looking stiff and blank, and she knew that was her fault. She left. Leaving the library as full as twisting emotions as when she came in and not feeling any better. Now she had the promise of answers. Maybe. But she had to wait. At least few more hours. She stalked down the hill. Hunching against the building bad weather feeling every inch of it as it matched her bad mood. 

She could wait a few more hours she told herself. 

She managed 45 minutes and then walked to their shitty apartment and knocked too hard on the door. There wasn’t an answer. Of course there wasn’t. Nott wasn’t back from work and Caleb wasn’t even off yet. So she walked around their shitty neighborhood. Half hoping for trouble and finding none. 

It was almost dark by the time she circled back around to knock on the door again. This time it squeaked open to reveal Nott, still in her big green coat and work apron. She let Beau in and closed the door against the beginnings of rain. 

“I didn’t really get what Caleb meant by his message but he said you’d be over.” She had moved further into the dim apartment. Throwing her coat over a folding chair and watching Beau out of the corner of her eye. 

“Yeah” Beau’s jaw hurt from clenching her teeth for almost the entirety of the past two hours. “We- I told him we needed to talk about some things and he said he wouldn’t unless you were here too.”

“Is this about last weekend?” Beau could see a pile of unopened medications pushed into the corner of the table. The rest of the apartment was as gloomy and gross as the day she had helped the pair move in. Damp and drafty and stinking of mold. 

“Yeah. And some other stuff.”

Nott looked like she was about to say something but instead took a deep breath and began searching around the cluttered counter for something. She grabbed an unopened packet of something and shook it at Beau. 

“Do you want some tea?” Beau blinked at her.

“Where the fuck did you get tea?” Neither of them seemed like big tea drinkers. Caleb maybe if he could get his shit together. But Nott was solidly in the hard alcohol in something hot kind of gal in terms of warm drinks. 

“Molly brought it over apparently.” 

That was weirdly considerate of the purple asshole. But, Beau supposed, he had done more for Nott and Caleb in the past few weeks than she had. A sour mix of guilt, shame, and jealousy settled in Beau’s stomach and she forced down the urge to ask Nott for something stronger.

“Yeah, sure. Tea sounds great. Here, I’ve got it.” She stopped the tiny girl from dragging a chair into the kitchen and grabbed an empty, probably clean, pot off the stove to fill with water. 

Neither of them could find much to say while they waited for the water to boil. Nott directed Beau to some mugs and tore the package of tea open with her teeth. She dropped a tea bag into each mug and let Beau pour hot water over them. The two of them retreated to the couch to wait. Beau rolled apologies  around her head and couldn't come up with anything that sounded kind. So instead she just opened her mouth.

"Why didn't you two ask for help?" We've known each other for months. We’re friends. Right?  "Before things got so bad?"

Nott looked into her mug with an unhappy expression on her face.

"I should have- I tried. He wouldn't- By the time it was really bad you were gone and I couldn't convince him to go to the hospital."

She could see the guilt eating away at the little goblin. Hunched over and clutching the mug of flowery smelling tea that was still too hot to drink. She tried to squash down her own feelings of guilt. She should have noticed. She hadn't been there.

"You can't take this all on you. Caleb needs to -" Get his shit together and ask for help when he needs it. "He can't just-" fall apart and let us pick up the pieces.

Beau didn’t finish her own sentences. Nott didn’t need that kind of talk and Beau couldn’t think of anything nicer. She stared into her mug too.

They sat there in grim silence for a long while and waited. 

When Caleb finally did appear he was soaked and wrathe like, an exhausted slump to his shoulders. He shrugged off of his long brown coat and dropped his satchel under the card table without looking at either of them. It's only when Nott spoke up that he looked at her.

"Beau's here Caleb. She said we were going to talk about some stuff." Her voice was careful but his nod in return was a jerky anxious thing. He seemed to be stuck between the kitchen and the living room. Trying to force himself forward. 

“You know the book that Beauregard is letting me borrow?” He waited for her nod. “Well I w-would very much like to continue borrowing it. She has given me an ultimatum. A conversation. She had some questions for me, and I would like to answer them, but I don’t feel right telling her and not telling you, so I would love for you to listen for just a little while.”

Beau felt like an absolute trash person for putting Caleb through this but she was in no way going to stop him. They needed to talk about this shit. Whatever they were doing before wasn’t working. The scars on Caleb’s forearms were proof of that. 

“Of course I’ll listen Caleb. But it sounds serious. Why don’t you have a sit down.”  The goblin patted the lumpy cushion next to her and Beau scooted over to make space.

Caleb shook his head, ignoring the offer of the couch and instead sank down to sit against the opposite wall. The living room was tiny so it didn’t matter much but Beau could see the way he was hugging himself. Worrying at the fabric with one hand and impossibly tense. He was having a ‘no touch day’ as Nott would put it. Beau wasn’t sure if he had been like that when she had accosted him in the library or he was like that because of the library. Either way she felt shitty. Either way she wasn’t going to leave until she had heard what his fucking deal was. He seemed to gather some resolve and looked up to where Nott sat.

“Would you be willing to leave with me tomorrow if I asked you to?”

The goblin didn’t hesitate.

"Of course."

Caleb blank mask broke a little bit at that. Affection blending into the look of worry and grief.

"Just the two of us?"

"Absolutely, right away. Whatever you want." The little goblin had edged all the way forward on the couch, her legs dangling off, her eyes fixed on Caleb. "But why?"

Beau was gripping her mug so hard she was almost willing it to shatter in her hands. "Is the secret that valuable?"

Caleb took a deep shuddering breath for resolve and fixed his eyes on the funny shaped stain by Beau's left foot.

"I am going to tell you the story of how I murdered my mother and father."

Beau felt like she had been kicked in the chest. Nott let out soft and pained "oh" of comprehension. 

Caleb did not stop talking. Eyes fixed dead ahead. The words poured from his mouth like a river unchecked.

“I grew up in a small township outside of Rexxentrum called Blumenthal. My mother’s name was Una. My father’s name was Leofric.  Everyone was very excited about me when I was young. I was bright. I was confident. I excelled at school, graduated early. Always eager to learn and to prove myself. We did not have a lot when I was a boy but my parents, they always supported me. And when I got a full scholarship, to one of the best schools in Empire. They were so, so proud of me. And- and so I went to Soltryce. That’s where I met him. That is where he found me.” 

Beau actually had to put her mug down before she broke it. She listened as a vibrant young  _ kid  _ she couldn’t imagine, was torn apart through manipulation and abuse and torture until he was the broken man before her. Caleb spoke in a monotone that barely contained something hysterical. He didn’t look at either of them as they asked questions, just hugged himself harder. His eyes fixed ahead. 

“I was so sure. I was so sure… until I wasn’t. And I broke a bit.”

Beau could see a home burning, hear the screams of a mother and father who had loved their son. A son who had loved them.

“Did you go in after them?” Nott asked softly. For the first time in the story Caleb stuttered and rubbed a hand over his face.

“I-no. I think I did. There are ,” he made a jerky movement to his upper arms and back,”but I cannot remember. I was taken to an asylum for a number of years. And I do not remember much of it. But,” he had to stop to take a deep breath,”they had rules there. I had been a wizard. And a wizard’s words are dangerous. So they took them from me. They kept me bound with runes that suppressed magic and watched me constantly. But he. He did them one better.”

Here Caleb began to roll on one sleeve and then the other. Exposing two matching handprints burned into his flesh. He had taken the bandages around his wrists at some point. Green mixed with painful and tight red.

“I can not remember what he said but I remember the feeling of the curse he cast. Wrapping around my bones and cutting me off from whatever magic I had left. There are a lot of things I do not remember from that time. There are scars-. But I remember that.”

Both Beau and Nott struggled for words. Nott found hers first. 

“How did you escape?”

“After the c-curse they left me alone mostly. I wasn’t anything, not a threat. I had no words, no mind. Nothing. Years later, a woman was there another patient, and she put hands on me. And she took the clouds away. She took it all away, and not just my madness, but the fake memories that Ikithon put in my head of my parents-”

Now Beau felt like she wanted to kick someone else in the chest. She could feel Nott wound just as tight next to her. The goblin’s voice was calm. 

“Fake memories? Of your parents wanting to betray the Empire?”

“Yes. He-”

“He tricked you.” Beau didn’t say it as a question.

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter.” Caleb’s voice was rising. He was hugging himself so tightly she was sure he was bruising his sides. Fingers digging into fabric, into flesh.  “I still wanted to do it when I did it.”

 “But you didn’t know what you were doing-”

“So what?”

“You were brainwashed!” Nott’s voice was no longer calm. 

“So what?!”

“Programmed!”

“Doesn’t matter. I should have-” He looked up at them then. His eyes were hot with angry tears. ”I am a disgusting person. It doesn’t matter.”

Beau wanted to break something. Caleb’s eyes drifted down again and his voice sunk back into the monotone.

“Anyway, it was all gone, just like that. And I ran. Not right away. It took me weeks to gain back strength. I stole this from one of Ikithon’s people.” He pulled an amulet out from his shirt, rough carved and unremarkable. “It keeps me hidden from them. It’s kept me safe for the past four years. I ran. I don’t know what happened to the woman who helped me. She was stark raving mad 15 minutes later herself. I ran until I found you Nott. I want to-” 

“Keep running?” Beau stared at him.

“N-no. I like it here. I like you all.”

“You were just talking with Nott about leaving tomorrow.” 

Caleb looked up to meet her eyes.

“That depends on you Beauregard.”

“If I take the book back?” She was never going to do that unless it was a hazard. But she needed to know where he was coming from. 

“If you can keep a secret.” He said it like a challenge. 

“Caleb, I can keep a secret. You know who I work for. But you’re the only one who really knows the thoroughly fucked up things this man has done. If he’s still in power. The monks can-” Caleb was shaking his head. 

“Any move against him. Any prying eyes or careless question. Leads him back here. To me. To this. To the both of you. He will destroy anything that gets in his way. He will destroy what little progress I’ve made and I will be dead or I will be back in the asylum. He will make sure we are all of us forgotten.”

“So what you do nothing and he keeps committing atrocities?” She had to put all the anger and fear she was feeling somewhere and Caleb was the one in front of her. 

“I am helpless Beauregard.” He held up his arms. Tendons clear on the back of his tense hands. “Until I can break this. Until then. I am helpless. And until I am not helpless I intend to remain a nobody. I want to see him taken down. I want his work to burn to the ground. But I cannot risk that now. Not right now.”

It made sense. It all made sense. They couldn’t take on a high level mage. They were a couple of fucking kids in a nowhere town in the fucking middle of the Empire. 

“Fine,” she said. 

“Fine.” His voice was tired and unsure. She wasn’t done talking. 

“We get stronger.” Beau stood up. “Because you don’t get to do this on your own anymore.”

“You’re not alone.” Nott looked like she desperately wanted to close the distance between her and her boy and tell him it was okay until he believed her. 

Caleb nodded but the blank look was creeping back over his face. 

“I think I am going to lay down for awhile.” He was quiet. He began to move stiffly towards his bedroom door. 

“Cool man, cool. I’ll just see myself out. Yeah, I get it. Alright.” He didn’t look back at Beau in the dim living room. He didn’t look at Nott. The door shut softly behind him. Leaving the two of them standing in silence. 

Beau needed to move. She needed to be gone. She needed to think. She took two steps towards the door and stopped. 

She spun on her heel and took two steps back and scooped up the little goblin in the fiercest hug she could manage. Little green arms froze for just a second, and then hugged her back. 

“Fuck.” Beau wouldn’t cry. Not right now. 

“Fuck.” Nott agreed. 

They stayed like that. For a few moments. Nott spoke, her voice muffled into Beau’s shoulder. 

“Are you going to be alright getting home?”

Beau set the goblin down and scrubbed at her eyes. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll get the bus. You?”

Nott looked towards the closed bedroom door. She nodded with a little smile that wasn’t entirely sad. 

“We’ll be alright.”

Beau wasn’t going to cry. Not here. She gave Nott one more hug and left out into the rain.

She paced at the bus stop. And bounced her leg on the too crowded too humid bus ride. She had been angry before the library. At herself mostly. And before the apartment, she had directed that anger at Caleb. Now she was livid and she didn’t have anywhere she could put it. She shouldered her way off the bus ignoring the grumbles and foul looks. She stalked the few blocks towards home and up the cracked driveway.

Beau let the door slam shut behind her and made for her room. She didn’t stop when Jester’s voice called out from the couch.

“Beau! You’re home! What do you want to make for dinner?” She sounded calm and happy and cheerful and everything Beau didn’t want to be or be around right now.

“Don’t care. I’m going for a run.” 

Jester was saying something else but Beau was already in her room. She ripped off her clothes and pulled on her running stuff with sharp savage movements. She jammed her sneakers on and was back out the door letting it slam again behind her. She’d apologize to Jester when she was calmer. She paused for only a moment to take a deep breath and then took off down the street under the orange glow of a streetlight. She would move. She would think. She would plan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will probably continue to be slow until the weather gets worse and the days get shorter. Or I decide it's a good idea to not have a million projects going.
> 
> Chapter title is from [Hairpool](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylf1jNuPcE8) by Defiance, Ohio


	11. Pick up the call

Nott watched Beau go down the rickety stairs and disappear around the corner. Head down, hands in her pockets. Walking with an angry determination that probably wouldn’t sit well on the bus. 

A flash of orange appeared at the top of the stairs and Frumpkin came pelting into the apartment. Nott huffed and closed the door. The cat, horribly soggy from the rain, rubbed against her leg. She shooed him away with a foot. Glowering at him as he chirped and meowed at her. Fine. She climbed up on the counter to get to the shelves with the good cat food. Wet food was a treat for the greedy monster. But today was as shit as the weather and one of them might as well get something nice. Nott pried the lid off and dumped the brown gloopy meat into Frumpkin’s little wet bowl next to the perfectly fine, completely full bowl of dry food. She crouched down next to the cat. Watching him while he ate. 

“Did you know all that?” Her voice barely seemed to break the quiet of kitchen. “You’ve known him longer than me.”

The cat didn’t answer. 

It had always been Caleb and Frumpkin. For as long as Nott had known them. Well not quite the whole time. Frumpkin hadn’t been with him in the grungy podunk prison cell where she had first met him. Caleb had been alone then. Just as alone as Nott. It wasn’t until they had escaped. Caleb had immediately ducked down the first alley and began rummaging through a crate. Nott had just watched, confused and nervous. Caleb gave off the same sort of hobo vibes she did, and she was all for dumpster diving. But maybe not right next to the guard station.

Caleb’s intentions were made clear when the cat appeared and clambered into desperate arms. Just as skinny, just as worn. Caleb and the cat seemed to fit together. 

“This is my cat.” He had said. And Nott had no argument. Three was better than two was better than one. And if things ever got really bad she could eat the damn thing. 

It never got strange being in their own apartment. With a fridge that worked most of the time that was mostly full of groceries. A door that locked. A space she could keep her things safe and dry. A space she could keep her self safe and dry. A place to sleep.

Speaking of, Frumpkin finished his dinner and trotted over to Caleb’s door. He batted at it meowing softly at Nott to let him in. She cracked the door open just enough for the cat to squeeze through and for her to peek in. 

Caleb had scrunched up on his side in the smallest ball possible. Hands gripping the blankets pulled around him. But his breathing was even and soft. Frumpkin padded up on the bed and curled in close. Nott shut the door gentle. 

He was asleep. She was glad. She had half expected him to get stuck in one of his states after all the terrible things she and Beau had dragged up. None of that had been pleasant. It had all been fucking awful. But talking was good. Anything but last week was better. She was glad Beau had come storming in like she always did, asking questions Nott could never bring herself to start asking. 

Nott went back into the kitchen and rooted around in the fridge. She hadn’t had any dinner. Neither had Caleb. But there was no way she was waking him up now. He seemed so tired. Physically. It was miles better than the feverish infected mess of last week. But she had had to wake him up when he slept through his alarm twice. And it was barely seven o’clock now and he was fast asleep. 

Nott grabbed the cheese and peanut butter. She’d make a sandwich and have a gods damned drink. Maybe Caduceus had healed him wrong or something. The firbolg hadn’t had the best first impression. Nott had nearly stabbed him. But it had turned out okay. And when he had explained the poultice to her it had been with a slow confidence that spoke of practiced knowledge. Maybe she should make Caleb put some more of the gloop on his arms. Caduceus had said two days and then as needed. And Caleb had said he didn’t need it. But maybe it would help?

She would ask Jester next time they were on together. She promised herself. She would ask Jester. But for now she was going to eat her sandwich and work on the laptop she had dug out of the dumpster and drink. It was a good thing it was break at school. Caleb’s hours were reduced along with the library’s. Usually the lower income was a strain but this week was a gift from the gods. The only reason he had had anything other than coffee was because she had put it in front of him. She had caught him falling asleep in his cereal this morning too. Maybe she would text Jester. 

Sandwich in hand she headed for her room. She stopped and looked at the card table. Taking a bite of bread, cheese, and peanut butter she went back into the kitchen and dragged the garbage can over with her free hand. This was a waste but she didn’t want to look at it anymore. Neither did Caleb. She swept the pile of unused meds into the bin. She’d find something to clean the kid’s healing potion up when she was at work tomorrow. 

She dragged the bin back, wiped off her hand, and finally went into her room. It was more of a glorified closet that extended back. But she was small and it was her's. Besides she liked having all of her things close. Caleb had offered to switch off but Nott liked her little nest just fine. Beside he didn’t fit very well in here. She cracked her knuckles and stared down the laptop. She was so close to getting it working again. Then she could focus on another project. Maybe Caleb’s hat. Maybe she could try making acid again. She’d decide when she was done.

She had been working on the laptop for maybe three hours when she heard Caleb’s bedroom door open. There was the creek of footsteps, the flush of the toilet, and no door closing again. 

She ventured out into the living room to see Caleb standing with one hand on the wall. Swaying slightly and staring at the couch. 

“Are you alright Caleb?” He jumped at her voice and looked around at her.

“Oh, good morning.” His hair was sticking up on one side. 

“Not quite, it’s almost eleven. At night.” She walked closer to get a better look at him, flicking on a light so he could see her.

“Oh” he looked a little lost.

“Do you want to head back to bed?” He looked like he needed it. He always looked like he needed it. But he shook his head.

“No, I do not think I want to be asleep for a bit. I have been sleeping far too much lately.” So he had noticed too. She weighed her options for a moment and decided.

“You have been sleeping a lot lately. Do you want me to ask Jester about it?” She was going to ask Jester about it anyway.

He seemed to weigh his options as well, searching her face. 

“Ja. maybe if it’s not too much trouble?” He sounded so unsure. 

“I can ask tomorrow!” She probably sounded too enthusiastic but she couldn’t help it.

 He looked so unsure. 

He stood stuck in place. Not wanting to go back to bed but clearly not awake enough to find another option. 

“I’m going to be up for a bit working on the laptop. Do you want to keep me company?” He didn’t look like he was much up to being company but this way she could at least wake him up when the nightmares they had dredged up floated to the surface. It took him so long to respond she was considering asking again. And then finally, a slow nod. 

“Good. Go grab a book or Frumpkin or whatever. I’ll meet you on the couch.” She went and grabbed the laptop and her tools and a blanket and was back out into the living room before Caleb had made it into his own room. She settled down, spreading her work out on the floor in front of her and waited. Caleb emerged a few minutes later with the green and black book in one hand and a blanket over his shoulders. Frumpkin followed behind at a not entirely enthusiastic pace. Caleb sat on the couch and drew his knees up to his chin, opening the book up by his feet. Frumpkin settled on an armrest. Nott got to work. 

It was slow going but she was close to getting it running. It was practically new and worth a lot if she decided to sell it. She could also hold on to it. It was much more powerful than her current computer. It had been a painstaking process. Taking everything apart and nullifying the magic that had broken it in the first place. Everything down to the very last screw had to be processed. The hard drive in particular had been tricky. It wasn’t entirely necessary. Nott could have just wiped the whole thing and start from scratch. But she was nosy. This had come from the dumpster behind the most interesting looking shop in town. She wanted to know what was on it. Probably secrets. Possibly something she could sell. She kept working.

And finally. Finally. Turned the laptop on. It booted up alright. The screen lighting up. The logo appearing. Fans whirred. And then the login popped up. 

“Arrgggg!”

Caleb blinked up from the page he had been staring at. 

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes. No.” Nott grit her teeth and resisted the urge to break the damn thing again. “They slapped an arcane lock on it. No wonder it’s running at zero miles per hour. This is going to take ages to break.”

Some wizards had no idea how technology actually worked. Just cram a bunch of spells together and call it function. They had no idea of what a system actually was. No idea on how to integrate. She would have to go in layer by layer and peel back the spell manually. Even if she had some sort of dispel magic wide spectrum spell, which she didn’t, she wouldn’t be to use it. It would fry the whole thing and she’d be back to square one. The lock was built in to the machine’s very makeup. It was like one big shitty onion and she had to fight through the layers. Maybe if she had a way of expanding the magic, making it visible and possible to handle. But no way to dispel it. She’d have to go inch by inch, thread by thread. Stupid wizards. It was just as effective to get some decent non-magical security and it didn’t eat up your processing power. 

Caleb had set his book down and was peering over her shoulder. She looked up at him, his eyes fixed on the screen with curiosity. 

“Do you mind if I watch awhile?”

Nott raised an eyebrow. “Sure it’s going to be pretty boring but I can talk you through what I’m doing?”

“Please.”

She shrugged. “Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She pulled up the code. “Alright, so what we’re trying to do is like, unravel a sweater made out of onions. We just have to find the threads first.”

 

Caleb’s alarm, ringing out from his bedroom, woke her up not enough hours later. They had spent way too much time talking into the night while Nott worked. She untangled herself from where she had fallen asleep on Caleb’s legs. Frumpkin stirred from where he was perched by Caleb’s head, but the man kept snoring softly. Oh boy, they should had gone to sleep way earlier. She clambered off the couch and made for the instant coffee that was somewhere on the mess of the counter. There was still some water in the pot from last night, she turned on the stove. Neither her or Beau had actually gotten around to drinking the tea that they had made. Nott retrieved  the mugs from the living room and waited for the water to boil. 

“Caleb, wake up.” She waited for a moment and then nudged his shoulder with the piece of toast in one had. It took a moment but bleary blue eyes blinked open. Caleb squinted at her. “Come on, you’ve got to get moving or we’re going to miss the bus.”

“We?” Her shift started three hours after his did. But she was pretty sure he’d fall asleep and miss his stop if he got on the bus in his current state. 

“I need to use the internet so I was going to camp out in the break room until work started.” He sat up slowly and gratefully accepted the mug of coffee. He took the piece of toast with less enthusiasm but took it anyway. Nott was already scurrying into her room calling over her shoulder. 

“Dress warm. Yasha said we are going to get snow today.” Maybe she should have spent more time on the hat. It was too late now. Besides it had been fun last night/early this morning. Chatting with Caleb, answering his questions, and getting side tracked and just chatting. 

 

They nearly missed the bus, both of them had so many layers on it was difficult to move. The air was bitingly cold, the sky gray and heavy looking. She woke up a dozing Caleb at her stop and told him to have a good day before hopping off with her backpack crammed chock full of laptops and cables. He gave her a wave and stood up in an effort to stay awake for the rest of his ride. She went around to the back and directly to the empty break room. She pulled out her laptop and settled down to work.

Nott made slow progress for the better part of two hours. She was just considering packing up when the door to the break room slammed open. 

“AHHHH! NOTT!”

“Jester! What?!”

“It’s snowing!”

“Is it?” It had started a lot earlier than predicted. Jester was jumping up and down with excitement. 

“Come on! We still have like 15 minutes before our shifts start. I want to build a snowman!”

“I’m not sure there’s enough snow for that.” She packed her stuff away into her locker. Following Jester hesitantly out the back door. 

There was, as it turned out, enough snow. Nearly two inches of fluffy white snow with more dumping down. Nott shivered. Jester screamed with joy and sprinted out. Nearly slipping on a patch of ice.

“Come on, come on!” The tiefling frantically gestured at Nott. “We’ve only got a few minutes.”

They managed two lumpy balls that were about up to Nott’s waist before they had to go back inside. Neither of them had had a ton of experience building snowmen. This was Jester’s first time even seeing snow and Nott wasn’t much for the cold and wet. But it was fun, they both went inside with flushed cheeks, runny noses, and grins on their faces. It was easy to fall into the rhythm of work. Jester chatted with bundled up customers at checkout. Nott stocked shelves. It wasn’t until lunch time that the light unworried sensation she was holding in her chest stuttered back into life. 

“What’s wrong?” Jester asked around a mouthful of chocolate spread sandwich. Nott showed her the text from Caleb.

12:35 caleb

**buses are canceled. library closing early. walking down to you.**

They both abandoned their lunches momentarily to peer out the back door. The two inches of snow had turned in to over a foot in just a few hours and it was still dumping down.

“Oh. wow.” Jester breathed out in awe. 

It was beautiful. Nott couldn’t deny that. But it was also up to her thighs and Caleb was out walking in it. She pulled back from the door and hit dial on her phone.  It rang twice before he picked up. There was a great deal of rustling and shifting but his voice came through.

“Hallo? Nott?”

“Caleb! Oh good, I was just calling to make sure you didn’t fall asleep in a snowbank or something.”

There was a huff of a laugh on the other side. “I grew up in the north Nott, I am alright with a little snow.”

“You sure? Me and Jester could always walk up and meet you?” Nott made eye contact with Jester who nodded furiously at her. Ready to help. 

“No, no. I am alright. I will be there in a few minutes. Is it alright if I wait in your break room or should I go to the cafe?”

Nott thought for a moment. It would probably be fine. And anyway, she wanted him close. 

“Breakroom is alright, just come find me when you get here and we can plan on how to get home.”

“Ja, see you in a bit.”

“Okay”

He hung up and Nott looked up at where Jester was shifting from foot to foot. She looked like she was unsure but trying to cover it up with her usual smile. It wasn’t working particularly well.

“I could drive you two home if you wanted. Probably.”

Jester was a very good driver. Technically. If Nott had to pick a getaway driver for any situation she would pick Jester. Jester knew this. They had had this conversation a number of times for a number of hypothetical reasons. But this was Jester’s first time ever seeing snow. It was all fun trying to build a snowman but trying to drive in it the first time was scary. Jester could probably do it, and Nott didn’t want her to think that she couldn’t. 

“Um, yeah maybe. We live down a pretty big hill though. I wouldn’t want you to get stuck.”

“Oh, yeah.” Nott should have said something more comforting. 

“We can ask Caleb when he gets here. He grew up in place that got lots of snow. Maybe he has a better idea of what we should do.”

Jester nodded but when they left the breakroom to return to their shift neither of them felt particularly confident about facing the weather. 

It was harder to focus on her work after that. She had to undo a whole shelf of soups because she had been placing them upside down. She scrubbed at her forehead in frustration. Hating how the dampness of her hood felt against her skin. Maybe she could go change. She might have an extra hoodie in her locker. But that one wasn’t as warm and she’d just get wet again. She could feel it in her boots and down her back making all of her itch. 

She didn’t notice the soft squeaks of wet foot falls approaching. 

“Hallo” She looked up to see Caleb. Snow still on his shoulders, shivering slightly. His hair was plastered to his forehead and his cheeks were flushed. She definitely should have finished that hat. 

“Caleb, you made it!” One less thing to worry about. 

“Ja, the snow banks seem too cold to take a nap in so I thought it would be best to come here instead.” He was giving her a small smile. She didn’t know if it was the cold brisk walk had woken him up or if the snow was reminding him of some time happier. Either way he was here.

“Good thinking, now we just have to figure out how to get home. Jester offered to drive us but I’m not sure…” She could probably drive them. Probably. But Nott didn’t particularly want her driving alone once she had dropped them off. And they did live at the bottom of a hill. “Do you know how to drive in the snow Caleb?”

“I haven’t driven in over ten years and I do not think today is a good day to start.” Oh, well scratch that plan.

“We could walk...maybe.” Nott really did not want to walk all the way home. It was a long way even in good weather. 

“It’s already up to your waist out there and forgive me but I do not think I can carry you the whole way home. Not with-” He made a gesture that seemed to indicate all of him. He was still shivering.

“Well, let me finish up this shelf and I’ll show you to the breakroom. We’ll figure it out.”

She rushed through the rest of the boxes and stacked up the empty cardboard on the trolley. It wasn’t her best work up at least the soup was the right way up. 

“Follow me.” She led him back through the swinging black doors and first to the cardboard crusher. He helped her chuck the boxes on to the pile and put away the trolley. They had just finished when Nott’s supervisor poke his head through his office door. 

“Non-employees aren’t allowed to operate machinery Nott.” He called, not in a particularly authoritative manner. He was taking his lunch and still had a sandwich in his scaly hands. He was a pretty good supervisor. He didn’t seem to mind the Nott was a goblin and had been understandable about her calling in sick about Caleb. 

“I know Mr.Trim.” The crusher was way too loud anyway. “This is my roommate Caleb. Is it alright if he hangs out in the breakroom until my shift is over? Buses are canceled.”

Mr. Trim looked surprised at the news. He glanced Caleb over, taking in the soaked and shivering form. 

“Canceled?”

Caleb spoke up.”The snow is nearly 15 inches already and hasn't slowed.”

Mr.Trim looked even more surprised. 

“Well shit. Let me check the schedules. If it’s that bad already we’re not going to be getting much traffic. We can go down to bare bones.” The dragonborn rolled back into his office and tapped away at his computer. “How were you two planning on getting home?”

“Jester offered to give us a ride.” Surprise morphed into concern. Jester’s one write up had been for trying to do a donut in the parking lot while still in uniform. “But she didn’t seem to sure about driving in the snow so we might call a friend.” 

Fjord had just gotten a new truck and he’d pick up Jester for sure. But he had also grown up on the coast. Maybe not. 

“Well if you wanted to check in with Jester, I can let you two off early.”

Nott nodded furiously. “Thanks Mr. Trim!”

“If you see Geoff or Reggie send them in too. Their cars are worse than Jester’s.”

“Yes sir, Mr.Trim!” Nott gave a quick salute before grabbing Caleb’s sleeve and dragging him away towards the front of the store. Before Mr. Trim could change his mind. 

“Well that was good luck.” Caleb said following her down the aisle. “But it does not solve the problem of how we are going to get home.”

“We could call Molly maybe?” She looked up at him out of the corner of her eye. He frowned but didn’t immediately dismiss the idea. 

“Hmmm, it feels as if we have been overly relying on him of late.” That wasn’t entirely wrong but it wasn’t entirely a bad thing either. Maybe.

“Or Yasha, her van was pretty cool. There’s no way we can walk.” That got a nod of acknowledgement. “Well, let’s see what Jester thinks. Oh hey Reggie.”

They turned the corner and nearly ran into the gangly human.

“Mr. Trim wants to see you and Geoff. Can you let him know?” Nott was already moving off with Caleb trailing behind. They had things to do.

Her coworker looked exceedingly nervous. “Uh what for?” 

Nott rolled her eyes. They hadn’t played _that_ _many_ pranks on Reggie and Geoff and neither of them ever put so much as a toe out of line.

“The weather’s bad enough he’s sending us home.”

“Oh yeah sure.” 

Nott didn’t wait around to see what Reggie thought about that or if he went to find Geoff. She made for the check out. 

Jester was leaning against her register with her phone out. There wasn’t a customer in sight. She looked up at Nott’s approach. Eyes going from Nott’s face to the wet and shivering Caleb behind her. Nott grinned at her and went right up to put her chin on the counter.

“Mr. Trim is giving us the rest of the day off. He doesn’t want anybody getting stuck here!” 

“What really?!” Jester leaned down to Nott’s level. Putting her chin on the conveyor belt. “We get leave early?”

Nott nodded and Jester matched her smile, pausing for only a moment to glance over Nott’s head at Yorda, the other cashier. The older woman was on her phone too, she looked up at the trio. She made a shooing gesture.

“Go on. My daughter’s picking me up after she gets off work and it’s going to be dead here until then.”

“Thanks Yorda!” Jester was already logging out of her shift. She spoke to Nott and Caleb. “I’ll meet you two in the breakroom in just a minute!”

“Can I get a bag Jester? I want to make sure my laptop doesn’t get wet.”

“Sure!”

“Do you need any Caleb?”

“Ah, no I am fine. I left my books at home.”  That was weird for Caleb. Usually he took them with him everywhere. They had been in a rush this morning though. But looking Caleb over, the flush of energy from earlier seemed to be fading rapidly, exhaustion settling back on his shoulders. A conversation for later, with Jester. Nott led Caleb back into stock and finally to the breakroom. He sat down gratefully and she got busy packing up her backpack properly so her stuff wouldn’t get wet no matter how they ended up getting home. Caleb started out watching her but by the time Jester burst through the doors ten minutes later with a three togo cups in a carrier, his head was on the table. Not quite asleep yet. 

He looked up blearly at Jester’s entrance. 

“I got us hot cocoa!” She declared. “And a white hot chocolate for you Nott!” She passed around the cups and took a seat across from where Caleb was sitting up slowly. They accepted the cups with murmured ‘thank yous’. Nott sniffed her’s cautiously, it smelled like warm vanilla and cream. It smelled lovely. Jester was eyeing Caleb carefully who was still taking in the hot cocoa that had appeared in his hands. She looked ready to say something, stopped herself and changed tactics. 

“So, getting home. I could drive us probably. Maybe.” She was fiddling with the lid of her cocoa. Caleb cleared his throat. 

“Are you comfortable doing that?” He asked. 

“Yeah, totally.” She started with bravado but it failed her pretty quickly. “I’ve just never done it before. Drive in the snow. I mean.” Her gaze had dropped to the table. Nott made eye contact with Caleb over the blue head. She spoke gently.

“Maybe that’s a plan B?” Jester sniffed. “Me and Caleb were thinking that maybe if Yasha wasn’t busy we could ask her? She’s got that super cool van? Or we could ask Molly?”

Jester scrubbed at her face. “Yasha’s van is pretty cool I guess. Molly’s car is kind of garbage though.”

“That’s true.” Jester still hadn’t looked up. “Do you want me to call her?” A small nod. 

Nott took a swig of still very hot drink, ignored the itch for her flask, and dug her phone out. Yasha had given her her phone number at the yarn shop. ‘Just in case’ she had said. Nott scrolled through her meager contacts and hit dial. Caleb gave her a thumbs up. The phone rang.

“Hello?” The woman’s voice sounded groggy.

“Oh I didn’t wake up did I?”

“No, you’re fine”

“This is Nott.”

“Yes.”

“Um right. I’m with Caleb and Jester. At the General. And we were wondering if you weren’t too busy and if you were alright with it if you could give us a ride home? Because it’s super snowy out and Jester isn’t comfortable driving home and the buses got canceled. And I , um-” Nott tried to keep her voice level but couldn’t help the trailing squeak at the end. There was silence on the other end. 

“Yasha?” There was a shuffling and shifting on the other end of the line. 

“One sec.” A muffled conversation. “Yeah no problem. Me and Molly will be by in..” she paused. “ Twenty-twenty five minutes.”

“Oh! Okay, thank you!”

“Yeah. See you in a bit.”

“Okay”

“Okay” Yasha hung up. Nott blinked at Caleb and Jester. 

“She said she’d by with Molly in like twenty minutes.” Caleb nodded, looking surprised at how quickly everything had been figured out. Jester was still fiddling with her cup, eyes down on the table. “That’s probably enough time to finish our snowman. If you wanted too?”

Nott didn’t really want to get any more cold and wet than she already was but she’d do it to cheer up Jester. 

“Yeah?” Jester’s voice was small.

“Yeah, besides Caleb here now. And between the three of us he’s probably the snow expert. He grew up in it.”

Jester fixed Caleb with a slightly teary gaze. He looked somewhere off over her shoulder. 

“I don’t know if I am an expert but I could probably help, ja?”

It turned out it didn’t matter much if Caleb was an expert. The had left the snowballs just close enough to the air vents that they had melted slightly and refrozen firm to the ground in the hours since they had worked on them. The little smile that had been surfacing on Jester’s face disappeared. Nott could imagine what she was thinking. Her first snow storm and nothing was going right. Caleb was contemplating the two slightly lopsided mounds.

“It does not have to be a snowman.” He spoke up. 

“I guess not.” Jester looked even more dejected at the prospect of giving up on her first snowman. 

“No, it could be a snow manhood.”

Jester stared at Caleb, slow comprehension blooming into a slightly manic joy.

“A snow dick.”

“Ja.”

“Oh my gosh. Nott was so right. You are super smart.” The tiefling was already moving to make the shaft out of snow. “Come on! We have to finish it before Molly and Yasha get here!”

Nott wasn’t much good at this point. The snow was up to her belly button and she was too short to actually help with construction. Jester did most of the heavy rolling and lifted but Caleb helped with placement and the fine details. Fifteen minutes later Jester stood back with her hands on her hips and a proud look on her face. Caleb was finishing up poking sticks into the balls for hair.

“It’s beautiful.” She said with something like awe in her voice. Caleb let out a huff of laughter.

“Stately to be sure.” He made to stand. 

Nott could see the moment his focus seemed to fade and his strength failed. He listed to the side. She was too far away to even try to catch him. But Jester wasn’t. She charged forward, managing to grab him before he hit the ground. 

“Holy shit, are you okay?” He managed to get his feet under him.

“I am alright. I am fine.” Nott grimaced. Jester was frowning at him. 

“Why don’t we do sit down by Nott? It’s warmer by the vent.” She didn’t let go until Caleb was seated on the steps. She backed off a little and fixed Caleb with a careful eye. “Now are you really okay?”

Caleb didn’t look at her instead he caught Nott’s eye and her expression for the briefest of seconds. 

“I, um, don’t think I am injured at all.” He was hugging himself and worrying at the fabric of his coat. The cheerfulness of the last fifteen minutes left behind. “Caduceus, he healed me. I am okay, it’s just…”

Nott moved in by his side and picked up where his words trailed off.

“It’s just you’ve been super tired lately.”

“Ja.”

Jester held out her hands. “I know a little clerical magic.” Caleb shifted back almost imperceptibly. Jester didn’t put down her hands. “I could cast a diagnostic spell if that would be alright?”

Caleb’s voice was thick. “Not a healing spell?”

“Not unless you want me to. The diagnostic just kind of feels like a tingle. It’ll tell me what might be wrong. I just need to touch your skin. Like your forehead or a hand shake.”

She offered one hand and let Caleb slowly take it.

“Still okay?” She asked, she got a little nod in return. “Alright!”

With her free hand she drew out a pendant from under her shirt and held it tightly. She closed her eyes and muttered a few words under her breath. Just a little bit of green light peeked out from under her eyelashes. Nott could feel Caleb tense beside her. Jester furrowed her brow in apparent confusion and changed the pattern of her arcane words. And then, all of a sudden she jumped up with a shout. She dropped Caleb’s hand and shook out her own. Doing a little dance of pain on the spot.

“What’s wrong🙺 Are you okay?” Nott asked.

Jester grabbed a handful of snow and looked at Caleb. 

“Your magic bit me!” It wasn’t an accusation, more a confused statement. Caleb looked just as lost as she did. 

“What?”

“Well at first I couldn’t find you magic at all. Everyone has it. That might be why you’re so tired actually. Your body doesn’t have any magic to heal naturally with so it’s drawing on physical reserves." She shook her head as she got sidetracked by possibilities. "But anyway, I couldn’t find any magic so I dug a little deeper and it bit me!”

“I don’t understand.” A look of guilt was mixing with the confusion.

“Your magic didn’t want mine interacting so it forced me out!”

“I am s-sorry?”

Jester waved the apology off and inspected her fingers. 

“Not your fault, it’s not a super conscious choice. It wasn’t that bad it just scared me that all.” She showed them her unmarked fingers. “See, nothing’s wrong.”  

“Ja.” The look of guilt didn’t leave his face and Nott couldn’t find much confidence in Jester’s words either. She pulled her hand back and wiped it absentmindedly. 

“I could try some healing magic. It would heal anything exactly but it would probably give you some more energy.”

If Caleb looked unsure the first time he looked positively nauseated now. Jester cocked her head but didn’t force him. 

“We could just do the handshake again.”

Nott felt Caleb grasp for her. She caught his hand with hers’ and let him squeeze her fingers. She squeezed back. He took Jester’s hand and scrunched his eyes closed. Jester was frowning but her voice was cheerful. She gave a small nod.

“Okay! One, two, three!” Nott could feel him shudder violently at the sensation of healing magic. Jester let go of his hand, Nott didn’t. “Does that feel any better?”

He blinked rapidly and took a few deep breaths. He looked surprised. 

“Oh, um. Ja, actually. It does feel better.”

Jester pumped her fist in victory.

“Whoo! Good to know Caleb. You’re just, like a magical vampire or something and you needed a transfusion.”

Nott wrinkled her nose. “I’m not sure that’s how it works.”

Caleb was flexing his fingers looking thoughtful. “I’m not so sure either.” 

Jester waved them off. “I’m pretty sure that’s how it works you guys. But more importantly,” she pulled out her phone. “We need to take a picture of the first snow dick of the season.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing fantasy means there can be the chillest of supervisors and plot convenient snow storms to bring everyone together. 
> 
> I know updates have been slow but give me a minute y'all. I'm moving to the literal other side of the country for a new job and it's all a bit wild.
> 
> Chapter title is from [Linda Blair was Born Innocent ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyrQCY4rzDg) by the Mountain Goats.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr [@arbuscular](https://arbuscular.tumblr.com/). Come drop by if you want to talk this fic or CR in general.


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